Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Who is that woman in the mirror...

So tonight's Biggest Loser was pretty good. I was so excited to see Nicole given a second chance. She has been my favorite from the beginning. When she came back the last time, she kicked butt on the challenge and ALMOST won. She showed so much strength and determination. I was so impressed. Then when she came back tonight after losing like 87 pounds, or something like that, I was thoroughly impressed. Way to go Nicole!

Then a horrible thing happened, she got voted off. I was so upset. But she said something so amazing after she got voted off that really stuck with me. She was talking about how she had walked past a mirror when she got to The Ranch and noticed for the first time how much weight she'd lost and how good she looked. Until then, she'd never allowed herself to really realize how her body had changed over the months. I mean, holy cow, she'd lost almost 90 pounds! But she was so focused on "losing" and being the "biggest loser" that she hadn't stopped to see the progress she'd made.

Then in the "after the loser" segment, it showed her in her size 24 wedding gown (before the show) and now in the size 12. It occurred to me that that is where I am right now. I started in a size 24 (well, actually I was in a 26/28) and now I'm in a size 12. I think I need to stop for a while and take a look at me now and stop focusing on the process. My mind is so focused on watching the scale to see how much I've lost or haven't lost. It's my measuring stick for success right now. I need to stop that and look in the mirror. To see what Nicole saw.

I've lost almost 100 pounds. But I need to let that number go and stop focusing in on it. I need to just look in the mirror at my progress and be happy there rather than on the scale.

So that's my goal, now, is to focus on the mirror. Focus on the mirror. Focus on the mirror.

The funniest thing happened today. In the middle of the morning, I jotted down a few things I needed to pick up at the store on my way home for lunch (so I wouldn't forget). So I grabbed my note when headed out for lunch and as I was walking down the hall, I looked down at the list and it made me chuckle. The only things on the list were healthy stuff. Bananas, granola bars, almond milk, lettuce and turkey. It was so completely unreal. I remember when my lists would include chips, soda, cookies, hamburger helper, cream cheese, sour cream, etc. Rarely would I pick up anything fresh or healthy. It just struck me as funny how I realize I have turned into a health-nut. Who'dathunk? Me? Healthy?

Speaking of food, I added my daily food log on the top right side of my blog. I found it on Roni's Weigh's website. Eat, Tweet, Post. It's really cool. I just tweet what I eat throughout the day, then go to her website to get a tally of the total points I've eaten for the day, then copy and paste the code into my blog and it formats it with the total at the bottom and everything. I absolutely LOVE Twittering so this one is right up my alley. I love it!

I also have a badge over to the right for the coolest challenge. It's on Fitago. It's a community trek across America. It starts in Daytona Beach, FL and ends in San Fransicso, CA. So all you do is log the miles you walk, run or bike on the Fitago website and the total mileage gets added to everyone else's totals and together we walk across America. How cools is that??!! I've always wanted to join a challenge like this. So this is perfect. Plus, it's getting me motivated to run again. I need anything to get me motivated. This one probably won't be a quick challenge, too, so it'll help me stick with it longer. You should check it out.

So here's to another day of staying within my points, drinking my water, eating my dairy and oils and vegetables and protein. I couldn't run because it was raining all day. But I'll definitely be back to run tomorrow. It's not supposed to rain tomorrow.


Monday, March 30, 2009

One day at a time, sweet Jesus...

First of all, thank you guys so much for your encouraging comments. What would I do without you??

Jinxxxgirl's comment, I know, I have a tendency to push myself too hard. I figure, I can do it, no biggie. Mind over matter type of thing. So I've been taking it a little easier lately. Well, last week I didn't exercise at all, so that doesn't count. And I was going to get up Sunday morning and do a 10K loop around the neighborhood but I didn't. That's probably because of exactly what you said. It was too overwhelming and I just didn't feel like busting my butt doing it.

Kelly's comment, I know, look how far I've come. I sometimes forget about that. I just look at my "fluffy" overweight self and wish I was skinny. I forget the fluffiness used to be horribly poochie and bulgie. I need to acknowledge that more often.

IRJessica's comment, thanks for the encouragement about the calorie burn. I've done alot of research about it lately and I know my burn amounts are okay. For me that is. And besides that, all bodies are different. There is an average in there somewhere for everything, but you just have to see what works for you/me and go with it.

Jenn's comment, have you considered raising your goal weight by a few pounds? If you try sticking to your points for a while but the weight still doesn't come off you might try that. David's mom had to do that. She got down to her goal and then tried everything to stay there but she just couldn't after months and months of trying she finally raised her goal weight by 5 pounds and from then on she didn't have any problem staying at goal and getting free WW meetings.

Lauri's comment, I know, I "technically" have lost 100 pounds, but it was the WW goal that I'm really gunning for. I think I just need to take my eyes off the ominous 100 pound mark and just start focusing on losing. Not how much, but just that there's a loss. I've been tempted to change my mind set to say that I've already hit my 100 pound goal (when, I know, technically I have) but it would just feel like cheating right now. Just because I've been focused on the 100 WW goal for so long.

MizFit comment, you're so right. One day at a time. That's where I need to keep my focus. Today, watch what I eat, exercise and forget about yesterday or tomorrow. That's probably what I need to focus in on more than anything else. How did I do today?

That being said, I went running last night. I went my regular 3.5 mile route. I actually had to walk the last half mile or so. But I'm fine with that. I went running and that's what counts the most. I burned 932 calories! I think most of it was during the 1st mile. I couldn't get my heart rate to slow down. It started out around 160 and went between 165 and 175 for the first mile or so. I tried slowing my pace and taking deep breaths and even walked for a few seconds then ran for a few minutes to try and slow it down. Finally it did, though. After that it stayed between 145-155--perfect!

One day at a time. I can do this. I will do this. What did I do today to help me lose weight? Focus on the present. The future will take care of itself, right?


Sunday, March 29, 2009

Weigh in... Hating it!

Okay, I'm tired of playing this game.

I want the ride to stop. I'm ready to get off.

I gained 2.6 pounds this week.


I'm just so disgusted!

I was only 3.2 pounds away from 100 pounds lost and now... Now... Now, I'm back up to 5.8 pounds from the 100 pound mark.

I'm back to 6 pounds away from 100.

I've been 6 pounds away from a hundred since September. Would you believe, since September 27th, I've lost 27 pounds. AND GAINED 27 POUNDS.

Why do I keep doing this to myself??

I was sitting at breakfast this morning with my husband. We normally go out to breakfast on Sunday mornings before church at this Jewish deli a few blocks from our house (very cheap food and very good food). So I had just ordered my breakfast, which is usually an egg white veggie omelet with oatmeal and fruit, when he asked me what I was doing? I had just ordered the western skillet.

Here goes... it was potato pancakes on the bottom, scrambled eggs with onions, peppers and ham topped with cheddar cheese, tomatoes and scallions baked in a casserole dish. It was amazing!

So he asks me what I'm doing. I don't even know what I'm doing. I just know that I'm so mad at the weight I've gained that I just wanted to eat what I wanted to eat. I didn't want healthy, low fat egg whites (although normally, I thoroughly enjoy them). I just wanted something fatty and rich and cheesy.

He said, Cara, you're doing it again. You're so close to the 100 pounds again and you're sabotaging yourself. Again!

He was right. I agreed with him. I had already identified this pattern in my life. They say that have of the solution is realizing the problem. But the problem is, that's only half the solution. There's still another half out there waiting to be solved.

When will I solve it?

I'm so mad at myself for eating that horribly, delicious breakfast. I'm also very mad at myself for eating the cheeseburger with hand made potato chips yesterday for lunch (along with a bunch of peanuts and one and a half yeast rolls). Then I had a huge Hamentashen cookie (from the same Jewish deli). And the cinnamon scone I had with my bowl of vegetable soup last night for dinner. After all, veggie soup is good for you, right? And to top it all off, I had probably 10 fresh baked chocolate chip cookies last night just before bed while playing video games with my daughter.

"I'm as mad as Hell and I'm not going to take this any more!" (for those "Network" fans out there—one of my favorite movies of all time).

Well, this is what I SHOULD be saying, right?

I have to figure this out. I just don't know how to. Or maybe I know how to, but I'm just not doing it. I mean, I do know WHY I'm sabotaging myself. I get it. I don't like it either.

I CAN do this. I CAN reach my 100 pound weight loss. I CAN!

So it starts right now. No more indulgences. Small one's, yes. Small indulgences are completely acceptable and completely necessary. Big one's aren't.

To be honest with you, the real reason I gained last week was because I didn't exercise once. I stayed within my 21 points every day. Every day, even Saturday and Sunday. I drank my 3 bottles of water each day. I ate balanced meals, dairy, fiber, oils, protein, etc. Everything Weight Watchers tells you to eat. I did it all.

But I didn't exercise and that's why I gained.

So this week. I exercise.

Starting today. I was going to go running before church but it was raining (though that was not the real reason I didn't get out of bed, but it was a great excuse!).

But this evening, I'm going running and I'm going to run every night this week. Even if its just for 20 minutes (though hopefully I'll be able to go for at least an hour each night).

I gotta stop doing this to myself. I can do this. I can reach this interim goal. I can!


Saturday, March 21, 2009

Weigh in... Loving it!

Weigh in this morning!

I lost 1.6 pounds!!!


I lost the 8/10ths I gained last week plus another 8/10ths. Woo hoo!!

I ran Saturday morning (of course, my 10K) then Sunday through Wednesday nights but I didn't do any running (or walking) Thursday or Friday night. But that's okay. I earned 39 activity points for the week, so I figured I was okay to not run/walk those two nights.

I'm really enjoying running in the evenings, though. I was talking with hubby about it this evening and I think the main reason I love it so much is because I can do it. I never thought I'd ever be a runner or even be able to run for any amount of time. But here I am, running a 10K and not even batting an eye. I still can't believe how easy it was to run that 10K.

I think I'm going to get up early tomorrow morning before church and run another 10K around my neighborhood. Would be nice if Icould do that every Sunday morning.

I know some of you have concerns that my calorie burns are too high. I borrowed a friends heart rate monitor last week and my calorie burn was very similar to what my HR monitor says. I even did a little research on the topic and found that I'm only slightly higher than I should be. For my weight, I should be burning around 450 calories when I run 3 miles. My HR monitor says I burn between 500 and 600. So it might be slightly higher, but in the research I've done, the experts say that you'll burn more calories the more weight you have on your bones and the more out of shape you are. So that might account for the slightly higher calories. I've only been running since December, too, so I'm not in full runner shape yet.

I'm not worried about it, though. I never eat all of the calories I burn. I've experimented with it over the years. Some say if you burn 300 calories that you have to add 300 calories to your daily intake. Some say you don't need to eat the extra 300 calories and some say you can eat as many of them as you want at your discretion. So I tried it out all kinds of different ways and I've found what works best for my body is to eat 50% or less of the calories I burn. That helps me to lose the best. I feel the healthiest that way. Strong and satisfied. So I don't have to worry about eating too many calories on the days I exercise.

I think it'll all come out clean in the wash. I seem to have a really good grasp on my weight loss right now. Most of it is so mental for me right now. As long as I can keep my head straight I can lose. The exercise, calories, and food choices will all work out okay as long as I have my head straight.

Oh, and I wanted to tell you what my favorite breakfast of all time is... It's actually at a little bar/diner in the mountains of West Virginia called the Stumblin Inn. It's fried eggs, bacon, fried potatoes with onions and cheese and pancakes with butter and warm maple syrup and a tall glass of OJ with coffee. I'm not a fan of bacon, but they have the best! Can't wait to go back there again. I can't even imagine how many points that breakfast is. But until then, I'll enjoy my 4 point almond oatmeal breakfast. :D


Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Burning calories and loving it...

My week started out pretty good. I'm maintaining in my weight, but at least I'm not gaining. I haven't "indulged" this week. No french fries to trip me up. Haven't really wanted to indulge so far.

I've run every day.The route I've been taking is only 2.5 miles. But it's a good run each night.

Last night I pushed it a little harder than usual and kept my heart rate up in the mid to upper 160s for pretty much the whole run. I felt good and strong. I'm trying to work on my form a little too. And I'm doing interval--pushing hard then backing off and then running at my usual pace back and forth to try and build up my speed. I'm not pushing it, though. My speed will come eventually. No rush.

I burned almost 700 calories. Not bad! I know some say that you're only supposed to burn 100 calories per mile, but I'm thinking that might be fore people who are already in shape. I've got an extra 40 pounds on my bones and running for me is quite taxing. I run at a snails pace and it wears me out.

I have my HR monitor customized to my age and weight and I customized my heart rate zones accordingly. So I know the calorie burns are correct. I've got a great HR monitor, too. Made by Timex.

I remember when I used to walk 3 miles, I would only burn 300-350 calories. That was about a year ago. So for me to burn 600-700 when I run for an hour seems about right. I remember my mom would burn something like 2,500 calories when we'd just be walking in the woods. So I guess we're all different.

I walked with David tonight. Great conversation. I love doing this together with him.

On a slightly different subject, what's your favorite breakfast?

Mine is oatmeal soaked in almond milk. What I do is pour about 3/4 cup of quick oats in my cereal bowl then I pour over that about 3/4 cup of almond milk (or soy milk, depending on what I've got) and let it set for about 15 minutes (the longer it sets the softer the oats get). Then yummy, yummy. I think what makes it is the almond milk, though. Because its so sweet. And it's only 4 points.

So tell me, what's your favorite breakfast?


Monday, March 16, 2009

Things are looking up...

I decided to sit down and see just how much weight I've lost since my derailment last November and compare that to how much weight I've gained. The results were fascinating, encouraging and discouraging altogether.

I've lost almost 20 pounds (19.8, precisely) since the week before Thanksgiving.

However, I've gained almost 19 pounds (18.8, precisely).

So since my unintentional but purposeful sabotage, I've netted a total of 1 pound loss since the 3rd week in November. FOUR MONTHS.


I've learned so much about myself since November, though. I had no idea I was sabotaging myself, to begin with. And also, I've learned that I can lose weight and I can be successful at it and it's okay to be a success. It's okay to be proud of losing weight. It's okay to be proud of my new body.

For those of you who might not have been with me through last year, I started my "18 Pounds in 18 Weeks Challenge" last July because I was only 18 pounds away from 100 pounds lost. The closest I ever got was 2.6 pounds away from 100. Then I sabotaged myself and it took me until just recently before I realized I was doing it. I'm now 4.8 pounds away from the ominous 100 pound mark, but I am going to get there this time. I am on the downside of this losing streak—in a good way. And I am going to make it this time.

I've been consistent in my exercise. I'm actually becoming addicted to the running thing. I just can't wait to get out there and run again. I want to go right now.

I've been writing down everything I eat for about the last month or so. Consistently.

And I've been drinking my allotted water every day. Every day.

My mental attitude has changed greatly, too. I now look at food entirely differently. I used to get so mad at that fact that I was going to have to eat this way for the rest of my life and I was never going to be able to eat the things that I really wanted to eat. But now, that's not even the point. I still love food. I still consider myself an addict. But I just look at it all differently now.

I look at food for what it really is. It's nourishment. It's comfort. It's sustenance. It's pleasure. It's necessity. It's all these things. But all in all. It's just food. It's not my life. My life does not revolve around food any more. Food is a big part of my life. It should be. Without it, I'd die. But it's no longer my best friend. It's no longer my lover. It's no longer my life-long companion whom I gave precedence over everything else in my life. Food is no longer the enemy either. It won't trick me or tempt me or make me fail at being a happy, healthy, beautiful person.

I'm turning into a different person. It's a better version of the real me. And I like what I see on the horizons.


Saturday, March 14, 2009

10K victory...

Well, I did it, I ran my first 10K this morning! And I did great.

Well, my finish was fairly bad, but I, myself, did great! I finished 1,878th out of 1,911 runners. I was 33rd from the last. But I consider this a win because I finished strong and ran very confidently throughout the entire race. I actually had a great run. (I told you guys I ran slow and I now you have proof.) :)

It was actually a little intimidating at the start. I got there and lined up around the back of the bunch because my pace is 15 minutes per mile and the highest pace marker was 10 minutes. I knew there was no way I could run a 10 minute mile. But as I was standing there, I looked around and everyone looked fit and skinny. I saw just a few people that looked like they might be 10 or 15 pounds overweight, but they all looked young and fit. I wondered what I'd gotten myself into. Maybe I had bitten off more than I could chew!

But then the race started and I was off running side by side with these skinny fit people.

Now, it wasn't long before they all passed me, but that was okay. I just got into my steady stride and steady breathe and ran confidently.

I usually get winded my first 2 miles, but this time I didn't. I was such a rock. I surprised myself, actually. I brought my iPod this time and put on a CD I hadn't listened to in quite a while. Used to be my favorite. It's Private Nation by Train. Listening to it helped keep me focused and helped me concentrate on my stride and my breathing. I didn't get caught up in seeing all those people passing me and freak out that maybe I should be going faster.

I Twittered again and that helped me. Kind of like everyone was going through this with me. A friend from work texted me and said she was following me on Twitter. That was cool!

I ran the whole way. I never felt like walking or slowing down. I'm so proud of how I did.

It was actually kind of funny because as I passed the 6 mile mark, these two old people—and by old, I mean really old, like late 70's or maybe even 80!—came walking past me. Yes, walking! They were walking pretty fast, but still they were walking. Was so bad.

I couldn't have them finish before me so I kicked it in gear the last 2/10th of a mile and finished ahead of the old people.

Then to celebrate my finish, we went for hot Krispy Kreme doughnuts. Oh my goodness, those things are like a little piece of heaven.

You know, I've been giving alot of thought to the shoes that I run in and I think they're just fine. I could go get fitted at a running store and buy $80-$100 shoes, but my $30 shoes from Sports Authority are doing just fine for me. They're the most comfortable sneakers I've ever had and I feel wonderful when I run.

Maybe when (if) I get to be more of a competitor, I can invest in better shoes, but for now, these are doing me just fine. That's all I was trying to say to begin with about getting a good pair of shoes to run in. I know I'm still just starting out, too. I've only been running since mid-December. And I'm just barely running, too.

By the way, I gained 8/10ths of a pound at yesterday's weigh in. I actually did great all week, drank my water every day, ate within my points (not like last week) and I exercised great this week (ran 12 miles altogether). After all, I did lose 4.6 pounds last week so a little gain this week isn't all that bad. I'm not upset with it at all.


Tuesday, March 10, 2009

I'm a runner and I'm proud of it.. How about you?

Well, I splurged a little last night and woke up this morning to a 3-pound gain. I had a small plate of fries with my turkey and fruit. I think it was the salt, though. I really poured it on. Hopefully all the water I drank today will flush the extra sodium out of my system.

I went running tonight. Yea! I only ran our regular 5K route and got it done in 45 minutes. My pace was great. And I felt great throughout the whole run. I even burned 948 calories! I think I really love running at night. I felt strong and confident and the scenery was beautiful with the sun just setting. The sky was blazing red and everything just glowed.

I even went past a small lake (was probably a sink whole or a man-made retention pond) that was absolutely spectacular. There were even a couple of men fishing from the shore. And the sky was red reflecting off the water and it was just beautiful.

I don't feel any aches or soreness from Sunday's 10K. My knees feel great. My legs feel great. I'm so glad I went running tonight.

You know, over the past few months, I've heard some of you say how you can't wait until y0u can run like I do or you wish you could or something like that. I'd just like to say that running isn't as hard as you might think it is. I know when I first started, it freaked me out. I thought I was going to die or break something or pull something when I first started running. I was so out of breath and I actually think I would hyperventilate sometimes. That's how panicked I was about it.

I'm here as living proof that if you just take it slow, you can do it. Run just enough to call it running to start out with. Run just enough to lift your feet off the ground. Almost like a speed walk but with a little hop in your skip. But then only run for maybe 30 seconds the first time. Then walk until you're totally rested and try it again. The first time you try it, you might only run twice. But just take it slow. There's no rush. You've got the rest of your life to run farther and faster. Rushing it will only prevent you from doing that.

The reason I breath through my nose is because if I breath through my mouth, I'll hyperventilate from too much air and it'll exhaust me. I've heard of other runners doing the same thing, breathing through their noses, so I tried it and it's really the only way I can run any length of distance. Once I start breathing through my mouth, I just get too much air and start wearing out. But breath however you feel most comfortable.

Make sure you have a good pair of shoes, too. I bought a very inexpensive pair of sneakers from Sports Authority made by ASICS (I think they were like $30 or something like that). I bought them because they were cheap but it ends up they're so comfortable to run in. So they don't have to be the most expensive shoes, just ones that have good support and are made for running.

Don't let running intimidate you. You can do it. It's alot easier than you might think. Try it, you might just end up loving it like I do.


Monday, March 9, 2009

Running and Winning...

I didn't go running tonight. I didn't get home until too late. I'm so glad I'm not sore today. I was afraid I was going to be.

I want to thank you guys for all your encouragement. That's why I love this blogging thing so much. We encourage each other and support each other when we need it the most.

I wanted to let you know, too, that I'm definitely not pushing myself too hard. I'll be the first to say that I am taking this whole running thing s-l-o-w. I'm in this for the long haul. I want to be able to run for years and I know if I push it too hard too fast I won't be able to do that.

I've done alot of reading and research on running and the main thing I've learned is that if you run and it hurts, you're doing it wrong. I've learned that I can run very far without any discomfort or even being out of breath at all.

When I run, I run so slow it's just barely running. And I always make sure I'm breathing through my nose only. If I ever get to where I can't breathe through my nose, I either slow down or stop and walk.

That's why I was so surprised that my legs got so tight. It really came out of the blue. I was feeling just fine and comfortable in my stride. What happened, happened so suddenly. And as soon as it happened, I didn't push through. I stopped running and started walking very slow.

When my knee started hurting, I wanted to call hubby to come and get me so I wouldn't push it any further. He was sick (bless his heart), so that's why I kept walking. After that, I felt fine. And I never got sore. My legs were a little tight last night, and I was afraid I was going to be sore today, but I woke up just fine. And felt fine all day. And my knee has been wonderful.

On a little different subject, I'm so excited that I'm the Biggest Loser. You heard right. I started the Biggest Loser Blog Edition challenge in January and I never thought I'd actually be the biggest loser. My losses have been so tiny lately. But after that fluke of a loss this past Saturday, I actually lost more than anyone else (by percentage of body weight).

Check it out. Go here and you'll see my name in there as the Biggest Loser and if you click on the chart, you'll see everyone who's on my team--The A Team. They're all so great. Always so encouraging. You guys have helped me stay focused lately. What a team!

I'm so psyched! I never win anything. But I did it. I've been going around all day saying "I'm the Biggest Loser, I'm the Biggest Loser!"



Sunday, March 8, 2009

Getting ready for the 10K next Saturday...

Well, being as I have less than a week to my FIRST EVER 10K, I decided to run 10K (6.3 miles) this morning. I have only tried this one time before and it went pretty good.

Well, this morning was a different story. I mapped out a different route. I get bored doing the same routes over and over. And though the route was okay, it was so hot out there. I didn't start running until almost 8:30. I wanted to get started around 7, but with the time change, it didn't get light until 8. Through my whole schedule off. And the sun was HOT.

I'm learning that the first 2 miles are my hardest. Up until I reach the 2-mile mark, I feel like I won't be able to go on. I think I get a little over zealous that I start running a little harder and it wares me out faster. My heart rate stayed in the mid- to upper-170s for those first 2 miles. I had to stop and walk at the 1st mile marker for about a half a minute. Then again at the 2nd mile marker.

But after the 2nd mile, I started doing just fine. I settled into my pace and didn't want to stop. That is, until the 5 mile marker. That's when I hit a brick wall. All of the sudden, without warning, my legs started knotting up. You know when you get a toe cramp or a calf cramp when your muscle just locks up and won't let you move it? That's how my thighs and calves started feeling. They felt solid as a rock. I almost couldn't continue. So I stopped running and when I did, my left knee started hurting. Just below my knee cap where the tendon connects to the cap to the shin. I thought I was done.

I didn't even think I was pushing myself too hard at all. I had felt fine up until then. I didn't want to injure myself, so I decided to walk for the last 2 miles (my route actually took me 7 miles rather than 6.3). I walked for about 15 minutes and started feeling refreshed and no aches or stiff muscles at all, so I started running again. I was able to run, comfortably, until I got to my cool down lap around my community.

All day long, my legs have been so tight. My knee didn't give me any trouble until the evening. Now it's sore again. I'm definitely taking it easy this week. An injury is the LAST thing I want. That's the main reason why I run so slow. I want to be able to run for years to come. Speed is not my goal. Slow and steady is. Heck, I've only been running since the middle of December. I'm not ready to push hard yet.

On the flip side, I burned over 2,000 calories! Wow! I don't know if I've ever burned 2,000 calories before. I figured I could have a little heavier breakfast once I got home so I fixed real bacon with real eggs, obrian potatoes and toast. Was a GREAT breakfast.

I still stayed within my points for the day, though. I had a very light but thoroughly satisfying dinner and popcorn for my evening snack.

On a somber note, one of my childhood icons (and I'm sure alot of yours too) dies last week. Paul Harvey was 90. Wow! 90! How amazing is that! I sure hope I live to 90. Paul Harvey meant so much to me growing up and listening to his show. I seriously looked forward to his show every week. "And that's... the rest of the story." Those words are so precious to me. I'll never forget him. His son still tells the rest of the story on radios across the world. I wish he had a podcast, I'd love to be able to listen to him while I was running. But I still listen to him on the internet on his website when I can.

UPDATE: Monday @ lunch time: My legs don't hurt at all today. Whew! I was so afraid they would be aching. My knee's fine too. No soreness at all. I'm going to go running again tonight, but only 3 miles. I don't want to take it too fast. Slow is better for me. :)


Saturday, March 7, 2009

What a great week...

We couldn't stay for the WW meeting this morning because hubby was sick. But we did both weigh in.

I lost 4.6 pounds!

Wow, huh?!!

My new mind set is really paying off. I'm totally looking at food differently. It's really an attitude change. I don't feel guilty for eating something I shouldn't. Or feel like I have to sneak to indulge. I feel really good about myself whether I eat good or bad.

I tracked everything I ate last week. You'll be shocked to learn that I went over my points each day. Check this out... Here was my daily points for last week:

Sat: 43
Sun: 32
Mon: 24
Tues: 29
Wed: 33.5
Thurs: 24
Fri: 23

I'm only supposed to have 21 points a day.

I only earned 16 activity points throughout the week. I ran on Sunday and Monday but that was it. So overall, I went WAY over on my points.

I did drink all my water. I had 3 bottles each day and two days in there I drank 4 bottles (72 to 96 ounces).

I think the biggest change, though, was my attitude. I felt confident in what I was eating. I ONLY ate when I was hungry. When I ate, I made extremely smart choices. When I indulged, I compensated by eating very low calorie meal(s) afterwards.

Most importantly, your comments on my last two blog posts were so encouraging. I am so happy that I can play even a small part in anyone else's weight loss journey. That was the main reason I started this blog, by the way, was to try and help someone else to do what I've done. More often, though, this blog becomes about you guys helping me stay motivated and inspired to keep going.

By the way, this is my 200 blog post!! :]

I had two tough days last week. Tuesday we had a birthday lunch at work and they all voted to go to a Chinese buffet. And of course, the one they chose to go to was my absolute FAVORITE Chinese restaurant. Which, by the way, I have not gone to since before I started WW. I've intentionally stayed away from it because it's a HUGE red flag restaurant for me. I did great, though. I filled up on fruit and salad and sushi (which is very low in calories and fat). I only had 3 pieces of Rangoon (fried pieces of won ton wrappers filled with crab and cream cheese), which is my total weakness. I used to have maybe 20 or sometimes 30 pieces of Rangoon when I went there. I decided to eat some while I was there, though, just to see how I can eat my red flag food and still be in total control. I thoroughly enjoyed it and didn't want more.

Then yesterday was scripted to be a bad day for me--I went to the local prayer breakfast and it didn't even hit me until the night before that I wouldn't be able to eat anything they served. I was supposed to eat breakfast before I left, so I wouldn't eat anything there, but I overslept and had to eat what they served, which was scrambled eggs, 2 sausage links, roasted potatoes and fruit with OJ. I asked for water to drink instead and I ate the fruit as well as the fruit from the empty seat next to me and one bite of eggs and both of the roasted potatoes (no oil or butter on them). Then at lunch time was a wedding shower at work which was pot luck. Ugh!! The dreaded pot luck. Well, luckily someone (thank you) brought roasted chicken breasts and there was also spinach salad (yes!). I had one deviled egg and maybe 10-15 Tostito's chips. I did great the whole day!

So all in all, I had a very successful week. From my "discovering" what my weight loss "problems" have been, to making great food choices, to drinking all my water.

I'm now below 170!

Check out my new Healthy You Challenge badge over to the right. It says 95 pounds again. I've now lost a total of 96 pounds (again). I don't ever want to see the 170s again. I'm now only 4 pounds away from 100 pounds. I think I actually might do it this time.

Oh, and next Saturday is my first 10K. I'm getting very excited. I'm not nervous. I know I can do it. I'm so excited though. I'm going to run 10K tomorrow morning around the neighborhood just to make sure I can do it. Then throughout the week, I'll stick to 5K routes with hubby.


Wednesday, March 4, 2009

Winning the "battle" that wasn't really a battle at all...

I wanted to continue talking about this weight loss "battle" that is going on in my head and not so much in my body.

First, I have to say that it's taken me months to realize that my lack of weight loss is really in my mind. Boy, I hate saying that out loud because I feel like I sound crazy--wacko! But I think back to November when I first started experiencing this and it all makes sense now.

We all have a subconscious, right? And our subconscious tells us things and makes us do things that we otherwise wouldn't normally be aware of. So why would my subconscious be sabotaging me? If anything, I think it would want to help me more than hurt me--to its benefit, right?

Maybe there's no answer to that. Or maybe there is, but I'm just not equipped to know the answer. But for me, just realizing that it's possible is really winning half the battle.

So here I sit, knowing that my mind has sabotaged me. Now what?

Well, I have to say, I think I'm getting a small handle on it.

I've already lost the 2 pounds I gained last week and I'm down another pound or so on top of that.

Sure, I've been exercising (though not as much as I'd want to) and I've been drinking all my water and tracking everything I eat, which I've said time and time again is what will help me lose weight. But other than my outward habits that are helping me, I'm developing an inner peace about this whole thing.

What I've needed to do for so long, but had no idea how to do, or even that I needed to do, was to stop and take a breath and know that I have the power to allow myself to lose weight and I have the right to be okay with that.

You know, in watching Biggest Loser last night, Jillian was picking on Laura telling her that she's making herself a victim. I was so mad at Jil for doing that. You could clearly see by Laura's reaction that she was totally giving 1000% percent to this weight loss journey and she was so appalled that someone would think otherwise.

But look at her teammates. Do you think for a minute they'd say out loud that Laura was the "weakest link" if there wasn't some sort of truth in that?? I know I wouldn't. No matter how much pressure I was getting from my outward voice of reason, my trainer. But yet they all agreed that Laura was weak.

I think I was, am, just as weak as Laura but I never knew it. I completely denied the notion that I could possibly be doing ANYTHING that would for a second intentionally sabotage my weight loss. But you know what? That's exactly what I did.

One of the receptionists at my WW meeting said that exact same thing to me months ago. I brushed it off. ARE YOU KIDDING ME!!??? As hard as I've been trying and as much as I want to be at goal, do you actually think I'd intentionally do ANYTHING to hinder that drive.

But yet, I did.

Now that I can see that, I can deal with it. You know what they say, seeing the problem for what it really is is half the battle.

Now I just have to know this and then incorporate it into the front of my brain. I have to know that I have these tendencies and confront them for truly what they are.

Like Laura, I felt like the victim. I was doing EVERYTHING I could possibly do to lose weight--truthfully! And I really did feel like a victim. "Why is this happening to me?" "I know I did everything right, it must just be that my "body" wasn't cooperating with me." Those are statements of a victim.

Well, I'm not gonna be a victim any more. In fact, I never really was one. I just made myself believe I was because I didn't know what was going on.

Now as I sit here typing I'm feeling empowered and seeing clearly for the first time in many, many years.

God wants me to have a beautiful body. And God wants me to be happy with a beautiful body. Dare I say God wants me to be proud of my beautiful body? No, not in a prideful, boastful, sinful way, but in an honest and true sense of appreciation. I'm allowed that. God wants that for us. He sure was proud of the beautiful creation that he made, why shouldn't we be?

So now where do I go?

One day at a time. One meal at a time. I can see so clearly now in my head. I can do this. I can lose weight. I can be happy with the weight I've lost. I can be proud of the weight I've lost. I'm worth it.

I truly am.


Monday, March 2, 2009

Passion of mind...

You know, my journey now has truly become "mind over matter"--my mind over my body.

At the beginning of my weight loss, it was easy to lose weight. I was 130+ pounds overweight. So the first 60-70 pounds seemed to fall off with little effort on my part. Really, all I had to do was track my points. Sure, I exercised, but it was mostly just walking. I remember when I first started exercising, I started doing the WW walking challenge which started with just 10 minutes of walking a day.

So my body was the one losing the weight. It seemed like an easy trap to fall into. But I sure didn't see it as a trap at all. I just thought that was the way I'd lose weight. I had no idea that after a season, my body would require more effort from me, from my mind. And when I came to that point in my weight loss journey, I didn't know what to do. I had no idea why I wasn't losing weight.

I know they say you have to change up what you're doing in weight loss once you hit a plateau. But I didn't hit a plateau. My weight loss just slowed down. I never saw that as a plateau. I just didn't know why I wasn't losing like I used to.

I tried alot of things. Different diet. Different exercise. Basically just alot of different approaches to the same weight loss hurdle.

It wasn't until just recently that I realized my problem is in my mind.

So when I say mind over matter, it really is. My mind has to be the one that decides whether I'll lose weight or not.

When I say the problem was in my mind, I mean my mind was the one sabotaging everything I tried. I didn't even see that it was doing it to me. It started when I got 3 pounds from 100 pounds of weight loss then all of the sudden, weight loss became impossible. Whatever I'd lose, I'd soon gain it right back. And my usual weight loss tricks weren't working.

It wasn't until I started running that it finally hit me.

When I first tried to run over a year ago, I couldn't do it. I got so out of breath that I would get dizzy and start seeing stars from hyperventilation. I didn't understand it. But I was afraid to run. My mind was telling me that I couldn't run. I was too fat. If I ran, I'd either have a heart attack or I'd fall and break a knee or a hip. But I didn't realize that at the time. I just knew that I couldn't run. I just thought it was because I was so out of shape.

Then a couple of months ago, I tried running again, but this time with a different attitude. I knew going into it that I had a fear. Once I started running, I confronted that fear and asked it where it was coming from and why it was sabotaging me. Then I came face to face with it and could see it for what it really was.

Then I took off running.

Once I was able to confront my fear and put it in it's place and know that it was only fear that was holding me back from running, I was free to run.

Then I totally started enjoying running.

But then, much later, I got to thinking about my weight loss and maybe I had some fears about losing weight, too.

You know, I really don't think I was afraid of losing weight. I think really what it was is that I was telling myself that I couldn't do it, but I had no idea I was doing that.

When I first got so close to losing the 100 pounds, I think I was shocked that I could actually do it and I started sabotaging myself just to prove it to myself that I really couldn't do it. Self doubt turned into self image.

Can you believe that?! I actually talked myself into thinking that I was too weak to lose weight. If I had to work at it, it was too hard and I wasn't strong enough to do it.

It wasn't until just recently that I've come to terms with this. I mean, come on, my own mind sabotaging me without my even knowing about it?! How messed up is that?

Then in WW, I saw the "Monitoring Your Thoughts" Helpful Habit and it finally hit me. Sure, I'd seen the 8 Helpful Habits before. I knew all about them. But when that one jumped off the page at it, it hit me like a Mac truck. It was my thoughts that were sabotaging me. And I never knew it.

Now that I know it is my thoughts, or rather my mind telling me that I'm not strong enough to do this, I can see it for what it really is and push past it just like I ran past my fear of running. It's like identifying a problem first then figuring out how to fix the problem. If you don't see it, you can't fix it, right?

Now when I don't lose, I don't have to be frustrated thinking that my body isn't cooperating (like "oh, I did everything I was supposed to do but still gained"), I can see it for what it really (and usually it's my actions or lack thereof that will cause a gain), then I can look at it reasonably and sensibly and know what I need to do to push through and keep on moving in my weight loss journey. Then I can really see what I did or didn't do and look at it honestly and reasonably. Then fix it.

I'm not sure if any of this is making sense. It's in my mind, so it might not. Have you guys ever had something happen to you and the only thing you can track it back to was your mind sabotaging your efforts? Even if it's something you want so bad and your thoughts are all on the success of it? The tricky part is when your mind sabotages you but you don't even know it. I can't even rationalize how that could possibly happen. You'd think that you could know everything that's going on in your own head.

By the way, if you're looking for a great way to get started walking, I highly recommend Weight Watchers' Walking Challenge. It's great! I only stayed with it for 9 weeks, but it was a huge help for me to get me used to exercising. I hadn't really exercised for maybe 19 or 20 years. And I was obese. Almost 300 pounds. So exercise, for me, was a huge challenge. Their walking challenge was perfect. It eased me into it. Now look at me. A year and a half later, I'm running a 10K. :D


Sunday, March 1, 2009

My weight loss week has started out okay...

I did something crazy Friday morning... I signed up for my first 10K.

Here's the real crazy part... It's in 2 weeks.

I know I can run a 10K, that shouldn't be the problem. I mean, I've done it before. Once.

But this is a competition. I don't know if it's a run/walk.

The race starts at 7:30am and they have the awards ceremony at 9:30am. I hope I'm done running by then. I hope they don't have a clean up bus that comes by and picks you up with they pick up the cones. :D

David started a 5K challenge (you'll see the badge on the right side) and I think I got carried away with it. I'm still doing a 5K with him in April.

So I went running this morning. It was tough. I think I run much better at night. I've been running with David. Funny thing is that his stride is so long that while he's walking (very fast) I have to jog to keep up with him. Then when he does his interval running, I have to step it up into high gear to keep up with him.

It's so cool, actually. I've been wanting to do some interval training to start increasing my pace and this will just do the trick. So when it's just me running, I'll run at my normal slow pace and go for longer runs. And when I run with him, I'll do shorter runs with mostly shorter speeds but then with bursts of fast paced running. Absolutely perfect!

I did great with tracking my points this weekend. And I went running this morning, so my exercise is going great. And I drank all my water both days. So the beginning of the week is going great, so far.

I did actually go over my points both days, but I gained an extra 8 points for running this morning so its okay.

Mind over matter. I can do this. I just need to stay focused.