We're all in this together... Thank goodnes...

So, okay, I realize it's been since July 29th since I've last blogged (well, before yesterday, which wasn't really a blog post). I really hate myself for not blogging because so much happens from day to day and I really do need to blog it. It helps me be able to process things better and understand what's happening to me and I know it helps others who are going through the same things.

So this is me kicking myself in the pants to get myself to blog more often. (ouch!)

As of today, I am 4.6 lbs away from my Weight Watchers goal. Last week I was 3.8 lbs away. So, yes, I gained 8/10ths of a pound this past week. I have no idea why and frankly I just don't care to analyze it to figure out why. All I know is I ate what I was supposed to and I exercises like I was supposed to. So there. Nuf sed!

I know last week at Weight Watchers I wasn't that happy. They were talking about hiding when you eat what you're not supposed to and then hiding the evidence of it after you're done with it. I don't know about you guys, but I've been doing that my whole life. I can't count how many times I'd get an extra hamburger from the drive through and eat it before I got home where I'd eat my "regular" meal with my family. Or I'd eat an entire bag of chips and dip at lunch time, then shove the evidence of them to the bottom of the trash bag so no one would be the wiser. And I can't tell you how many times I've done this type of thing since I started Weight Watchers 3 1/2 years ago.

In fact, here's a blog about my last big fall. Though this was not the last time I've done something like this. I don't know if I'll ever be free of that monkey. But I can at least acknowledge that it happens. At least there's that.

But the thing that upset me so much about the meeting last week was that I felt like I was the only one who did this. There were others in the class who seemed so genuinely confused about the whole process and couldn't imagine actually hiding what they were eating or any evidence of it after they'd eaten it. Now, my husband said that maybe no one wanted to admit it out loud because of the humiliation of it all. And maybe that is what it was, but I just felt like I was as odd as a purple winged banana flying over a big pile of tie-died chocolate leaves. I felt so ashamed that I could possibly be the only one who did this.

Then this past week (yesterday) at Weight Watchers was much better. There was a lady there who seemed to be going through the same thing I went through a little more than a year ago with my self-sabotaging. It really started about a year and a half ago when I realize I was subconsciously telling myself that I wasn't good enough to be thin. Kind of a weird concept, now, but at the time it was so devastating that I could actually purposefully do something to sabotage my health and happiness. But I did it (and still do it sometimes). Whenever things would be going good and I'd be losing weight and feeling good, I'd derail my success by eating a TON of food and gaining alot of my hard earned losses back. Just crazy. But I kept doing it over and over until I, first, realized it and, secondly, did something about it. Brought it out into the open and told it that it couldn't not control my life any more.

Anyway, it was so nice being able to help someone else with these same feelings. She had already lost 150 lbs and I think she still had another hundred to go and she had never been thin a day in her life, even as a child. So now that she was looking and feeling so much better than she ever had, she wasn't allowing herself to feel good about that. She was still wanting to hide behind the fat that wasn't there any more. She wasn't feeling worthy of her loss.

Weird how we do that. We work so hard and get such great results, but then we won't allow ourselves to accept the outcome. We still feel like we didn't do anything. Or that we still have so far to go that we don't acknowledge how far we've come.

It was neat because I noticed that our leader just sat back and let us talk it through. There were others who had other problems that we all talked through, too. Was so nice to be able to help each other like that.

You know, that's what Weight Watchers is really all about for me. It's the sense of togetherness and knowing that we're all going through the same thing or have been through the same thing. We're not alone and we want to help each other get through it all. And that's why I love this blog, too. I love sharing what I've been through and am going through because you guys help me work through it and by you helping me, you're helping yourself as well. We have an unseen connection that ties us all together and helps us pull each other along.

Weight loss is the hardest thing I've ever had to do in my life. And I'm so glad I'm not alone.

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Losing weight needs to be a habit...

Yesterday's weigh in went fairly well. I didn't gain. That was good. But I didn't lose either. But that's okay being as I lost 1.8 lbs last week.

I checked my chart in Weight Watcher's online and I think I'm finally on the right track. Since the beginning of February, I've lost a total of 8.6 lbs with an average of .7 lbs each week. NOT BAD!!

If I can keep this momentum, I'll be at Weight Watcher's goal (which is 155) by the end of June. Wouldn't that be wonderful??!!

I could be at goal this summer.

That sentence just looks so wonderful to me. I sure hope I can do it. But I'm not going to keep my eyes focused on how much I can lose each week. I've done that before and it has blown up on me every time. I have to keep my eyes on the overall picture. As long as the overall line keeps heading downward (even if it spikes up once in a while) then I'm still winning the battle.

I tracked my food intake all last week. That's 2 weeks in a row. I sure hope I can keep doing it. Our meeting yesterday was about making something a habit. This is the one thing I want to become a habit.

Weight Watcher's came out with a cute little vinyl cover for the 3-month journal. It's perfect! The journal cover slips into the plastic strips on the inside. And it closes with a magnetic snap. I bought one. They were only $6. I got the one that's got big tri-colored blue polka dots. It's so cute. Now I don't have to worry about my journal getting munched up in my purse. 

I've seen these before and I wanted to buy this one. Isn't it just the cutest! But it was $14, which is way too much for me right now. I love the ribbon book mark. I might try to rig something like that for the one I bought.

Oh, and I did the drawing for the Yoplait Inner Goddess giveaway and comment #10, Nicole, won! She didn't leave a link to her blog, otherwise I'd leave a note for her on her blog and give you guys a link to her blog. But I'll contact her via email to let her know she's the winner. But here's a link to her comment.

I have a few smaller giveaways I'm going to be doing soon. If I can get my act together, I'll do them this coming week.

So tell me, what weight loss habit helps you them most? What do you do on a regular basis (or would like to do) that keeps you on track and losing??

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Journaling My Way to Thin...

This past week at Weight Watchers, we talked about tracking our food intake again. We all know the importance of tracking what we eat, right? We all know that if you journal what you eat, you're more likely to lose weight.

So why don't we?

I know I don't.

I have been doing this for so long that I just know the points value for the different foods I eat. Or if I don't know, I have a pretty good idea. So I just calculate it all in my head as the day progresses. Mission accomplished, right?

Well... I'm not so sure.

I've been thinking about this all weekend and I think there's a difference between knowing what you are eating and seeing it. I have my food journal sitting on the desk in front of me as I type this blog. It's been there for months. I still haven't written anything in it. And why not? I've got it all figured out in my head.

But I think there's got to be something to actually seeing the food written down in my journal. It becomes a permanent record of what I've eaten at that point. It has become proof of exactly what I've eaten--good or bad. From day to day, this might not be that big of a deal, but give it a couple of weeks or a couple of months when that day comes that I gain for no apparent reason, then the written proof of what I've eaten should come in handy. Or when the gain turns into a series of gains or a series of break-evens. Then the months of writing down what I've eaten will come in handy.

But it has to be thorough. I have to write down exactly--exactly--what I've eaten and exactly how much of it I ate, no matter what. Along with writing down my food consumption I need to start writing down my daily events. Like, today I had a carefree day of an early rise with hubby, to breakfast at our favorite spot, to a movie, to lunch with the in-laws, to a trip to the book store (wait til you find out what I bought!), to a relaxing evening of blogging and watching TV (and hopefully a half hour on the treadmill).

I think it matters what has happened during the day as much as the food that was consumed. Because at the end of the week, if I end up gaining or losing, I can look back and see my stress levels from day to day and know for certain exactly why I gained or loss.

Most times, it's not what we ate, but what we've been through that particular day or week or month. After all, we know how our bodies react to emotions, we can retain water, get knots of stress in our neck muscles, feel fatigue in our legs, etc. All these things effect our weight as well.

So I'm challenging myself--and you-- to journal EVERYTHING this week. Write down, not only what you eat, but exactly how much of it you ate, even if it was WAY too much. And also write down a small synopsis of each day's events. I want to see if this will make a difference in my weight loss and yours. I think it will.

So what do you say, are you with me??

If so, leave me a comment so I can check in with you throughout the week to see how its going. And please feel free to check in with me. We can keep each other accountable in our tracking and journalling. And I'd be interested to see how it helped.

Now, I just have to dust off my journal and start journaling in it again. :]

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