a quick howdy...

I've been so psychotically busy these past few days. I've taken on a side job and it's taking more time than I wanted it to. But I wanted to post a quickie.

I think I'm pre-mensie because all I want to do is cry right now. For no good reason. All day. It's like if I could just cry and get it out of my system it'd be okay. But I have nothing to cry about. I hate this!

I totally over ate today, which I'm so mad about. But I slipped right back into my emotional eating habits. Food to cover the tears. I do hope I can grow out of this one day.

How have you guys been lately? (sniff, sniff)

red light... green light...

So today I learned something new... WW says to identify your "red light" foods and avoid them like the plague. (So, for all you non-WW people, that's food that when you have just one bite of it, you can't stop until it's either all gone or you're so full you can't eat another bite.) I like to think I don't have very many of those types of food left, but alas, I found one tonight. Or rather two... Pillsbury refrigerator Chocolate Chip cookies straight out of the oven and then Doritos (not in conjunction with each other, of course).

So maybe once a month or so, my daughter and I will have video game night where we'll bake a batch of the Pillsbury cookies and sit down and eat them hot with a big glass of milk, and oh, yea, we'll play various video games.

Used to be, I'd sit down with her and before we're done playing games the entire plate (all 24 cookies) would be gone. And, yes, I was the one doing the majority of the eating (her limit is around 3 or 4).

Well, now, I have to put three cookies on a separate plate and ask her to put the rest of them out of my reach and sight. So I ate my three cookies (at 2.5 points each, mind you). And I was okay at first, but then those other cookies on the big plate kept calling my name... "Cara... we're over heeeeerrrre!" Taunting me! (Don't you hate it when cookies do that?!)

So then if that wasn't bad enough, she pulled out the big guns. She went into her room (which is where I told her she should keep the Doritos - out of my sight and reach) and brings out Cool Ranch Doritos. A whopping 3 points for ELEVEN chips. Not to mention the ingredients are hideous. Not to mention, I think there's some sort of addictive agent they put in those things. I swear, I CAN NOT each just ONE.

So there I sat with chocolate chip cookies just out of my reach and Doritos crunching in my ears. A girl can only take so much!

So I thought, why torture myself? Give in.

NO! I did not just say that!

So then I thought, What am I going to do??

I know, get something else to eat that's semi healthy for me and will fill the craving. So that's what I did.

We had taco salad last night (only 9 pts for the entire thing, woo hoo). And I remembered I still had some refried beans, etc. left over. So I went in the kitchen and plopped about a half cup of fat free refried beans in with about a 1/3 cup 2% shredded sharp cheddar cheese and stuck it in the microwave for about a minute then dolloped about a tablespoon of reduced fat sour cream on top of it and then lined the bowl with 13 of the bite-size round Tostitos that I absolutely love! The whole thing was only 5 points and it was truly amazing. It totally filled my cravings and satisfied me while I felt like I was cheating a little bit.

Oh, and the snack was healthy, to boot. I got extra fiber in the beans and dairy with the low fat cheese and sour cream (though, I don't think there was much healthy-ness in the Tostitos).

So lesson learned... when red light foods present themselves, find other totally yummy foods to take their place. Don't try to avoid them, that's all you'll ever think about.

By the way, I only went over my points today by a half a point. So all is under control.

So what kinds of foods do you substitute for your red light foods?

it's official... i'm a loser... a BIG ONE...

Well, I did it. I hit my 75 lb goal (officially) this morning.

I weighed in at 188.4 on the WW scales.

That's actually 76.8 pounds I've lost since a year ago next month (May 12th).

I worked my butt off last week trying for it. I lost 3.2 pounds. I was real strict about EVERYTHING. I didn't overindulge on the weekend (last weekend) like I normally do. I only used about 5 of my flex points last weekend. And then throughout the week, I would only allow myself to go over my allotted 24 daily points if it was something healthy, like, say, peanuts, which are high in fat but it's a good fat that your body needs and has lots of protein and fiber. I ate bulky foods that would keep me full longer. And I focused on high fiber, high protein, no sugar substitute, foods high in vitamin A, I made sure I had at least one serving of veggies a day (which is good for me because I know I don't eat enough veggies and fruit). I had oranges for extra vitamin C. I had pumpkin and flaxseed oil and plenty of dairy every day. I'm telling you this whole thing was calculated.

Here's a pic of me comparing August 06 at 285 to now 188:

Okay, here's the thing... my weight loss has been cyclical from the start. I'll lose a big number and then the next few weeks will be next to nothing. So I don't know if it was my plan or if it was just time for me to lose big. So I'm going to try and do the same thing this coming week and see if it happens again.

Oh, yea, and I only exercised twice last week. (Bad Cara.) But this week, we're going to the gym every morning.

Oh, and here's the absolute best part...

I bought a pair of shorts last night and they're SIZE 14!!!!

I haven't fit in size 14 since before my 19 year old was born. I couldn't believe it. I tried on the size 16 and it seemed to be a bit loose so I asked my daughter to go get me a size 14 just for giggles and grins. And low and behold, they fit perfectly!!!

Can you believe it!!!????

So, how was your week?

(Oh, by the way, my mom finally started her own blog. You're comments were a great help. Thanks everyone!)

guest blogger... my mom's words

Hi Guys,

I hope you enjoyed before when my mom guest blogged on here. She's got some amazing stories about her weight loss. So I hope you don't mind me sharing them here. Enjoy...


A Month is a Month is a Month

During the month of March, I was getting ready for a cruise. This was my second cruise and believe you me I was not looking forward to it. This, of course, must be explained, but briefly. My first cruise was the cruise from Hades. We hit a horrible storm and had 40 foot swells and I was in bed sick for 3 days. We couldn’t even get into one port because of the roughness. I swore I’d never go on another one. But, I let a friend talk me into it and here I was again.

I don’t really know what happened the two weeks before the cruise but I had stayed on my diet and was really good and gained 5 pounds the first week and gained 2.5 pounds the second week. I was so disgusted that I thought of quitting but having lost 50 pounds already I was thinking to myself that I’d gone so far already that I didn’t want to let my successes go to waste, so I let my thinking get back on track.

Well… I don’t know if you’ve ever been on a cruise or not but if you don’t like to eat, get drunk or gamble there isn’t much else to offer you while on board. I don’t like to gamble and drink only the occasional cocktail, usually a grasshopper after dinner when in a nice restaurant, so guess what that left…food! Wow, what wonderful food there is! And at any time of day or night. And it’s included in your fare, it doesn’t cost you anything extra. Since I had gained the two weeks before the cruise I had decided that I’d enjoy myself during the cruise (food wise) and get back to basics when I got home. I didn’t want to go hog wild (and didn’t) but I was going to enjoy myself in the only way that I could.

To begin with for dinner you can order as much of an item as you want so before every meal I ordered two shrimp cocktails. In this way I was being good since shrimp are low in points and it helped fill me up somewhat. I hadn’t had pasta in a while and the first night I ordered fettuccine alfredo. Wow, it was delicious. To my horror I could only eat one third of it and was full (well almost, I was saving some room for desert). By the fourth day, and after prime rib and beef Wellington and pizza and French fries and and and (it was a seven day cruise) I was missing my half can of soup and my half sandwich. Yeah, missing my diet! I couldn’t believe it! Missing the right food! What a wonderful thing for me! At that point I was aware that I have finally gotten my head on straight and will never be obese again. What a wonderful feeling it was and is.

When I returned home I had gained one more pound and I got back on it with a vengeance and I lost 4.5 pounds the first week. I didn’t even loose that much my first week on this thing. I felt great. And continue to feel great. I looked back at my weight chart and realized that I had lost a month because I am back to were I was 4 weeks ago. But, what the hey. Maybe your body and mind need a little break once in a while. In the past about once or twice a month I’d indulge in something that was fattening just to keep me on track the rest of the time and not crave the wrong stuff. I am of the mind set now that I need a week of indulgence to get me back in the right frame of mind. I’ve got 50 more pounds to go and right now I am ready to “get-r-done”. I’m not saying that everyone should do what I did. Some of you may do this and never get back on track, and that would be a bad thing. But if you are really committed to this weight loss regiment this might be the way to get yourself motivated again. It’s a thought.

Thank you Cara for getting me motivated in the first place on this long journey to a healthier me. Your starting WW got me to thinking about myself and how awful I looked when we took pictures of each other in Florida the winter of 2007. If it weren't for you I'd still be a big ole fat slob. I love you very much. Guess we could say we inspire each other. How wonderful for a mother and daughter to be so harmonious.

--
It's me again (Cara). Could I ask everyone to leave a comment for my mom. I'm trying to encourage her to start her own blog. If nothing else, then just to keep a journal of her weight loss. But maybe if we can leave her some comments, she'll think about starting one of her own. She thinks she doesn't have anything to say on a blog. :)

on my way to 75 lbs gone...

I've been so close to losing 75 pounds for about the last month and a half. Last week I really hit the wall when I gained 2/10ths of a pound. I started going in the other direction and it scared me. It just goes to prove my theory of how easily I could gain all this weight back once I make it to goal. I'm SOOO petrified of that.

But this morning, I weighed myself at home and was 188.8. I need to be 190 when I get to WW this Saturday morning. My scale at home is anywhere from 2/10ths to a pound less than at WW. So I should be okay. But I've been having such a hard time lately, I'm doubting myself.

I've been eating everything to the letter and trying to be healthy about it along the way. I've started taking Flaxseed Oil supplements because I have VERY little oil in my diet. I know the pills are a poor substitute, but at least I'm doing SOMETHING. I want to switch to regular flaxseed oil but it's very hard to find. I've been to 4 stores so far and nothing. I think I'm going to have to go to a health food store. I've been tempted to just get the ground flaxseed and sprinkle it on my cream of wheat in the morning but I don't think that will take care of my oil deficit.

I've been watching my sugar because I'm not eating artificial sweetener any more. I've been trying to get my sugar from natural sources like honey and fruits.

I'm trying to eat as many whole grains as possible. Baking with whole wheat flour. Eating whole wheat and whole grain bread. Etc.

I'm just so paranoid about not making it this week. I know... there's always next week. I'm just so tired of almost being there.

Why is this so hard? It was so much easier to gain the weight, wasn't it?

The main thing I'm looking for is a way to eat healthy. Not just "good". Or low-fat or low-calorie. But healthy. I figure that's the only way I can keep this weight off for a life time.

So what do you guys eat that's healthy? Maybe I can get some inspiration from you guys for a change.

weigh in today wasn't really as bad as it sounded...

I'll start off by saying that I gained weight this week but I'm happy about that.

You're probably wondering how on earth someone could be happy about gaining weight?

Well, I'll tell you why I'm so happy...

It was only 2/10ths of a pound!!

I was really, seriously expecting to gain 2-3 lbs!!

You wouldn't believe all the crap I ate last week. I wont go into all the details, but I will say that I had two 5-point cookies, one 5-point brownie, an 18-point sandwich WITH FRIES, home made lasagna with real garlic bread with real butter, an 11 OUNCE STEAK (yes, people, I said ELEVEN OUNCES!!) with a baked potato with REAL butter and REAL sour cream, oh and I had french fries THREE times this week. AAAAHHHHH!!!

Well, I could go on. And I know you're going to be tempted to say congratulations for such a small weight gain, but please refrain. I don't deserve any congratulations at all.

I deserve "What were you thinking!!!" or "You were horrible last week" or even "Come on, Cara, snap out of it, get back on plan!!". So if you want to leave me any comments like that, I totally deserve every last one of them, so don't hold back on me.

I will say this, though, I AM BACK ON PLAN.

I started right after weigh in this morning. I've already journaled everything I've eaten today and was able to keep it below my 24 daily allotment of points, which I'll have to say I've not done in many, many months on a Saturday. Usually my Saturdays are where I used most, if not all, of my extra 35 points. But I'm going to try my hardest not to use them this weekend and save them for when I might need them during the week. I'm baking cookies and cupcakes for a bake sale this week and I know I'll be tempted to have one of each. So I'm sure I'll need the extra points.

So let me have it. Bad Cara!!!

P.S. I'm really bummed because I lost my favorite weigh in lady today. Charlotte has weighed me in since I started WW last May. She's quitting the weigh ins and training to be a leader. I'll miss her. I hope the next lady learns to weigh me like Charlotte. :(

thank goodness it's friday, but...

I'm so glad it's Friday, but then again, I'm not. Tomorrow is weigh in and I've been horrible this week.

I haven't journaled anything I ate.

Oh, sure, I give good advice... 'journaling is the key to weight loss' ... 'if you don't journal, you'll get off track and gain in no time' ... 'how do you know when you've had too much for the day unless you journal' ... etc., etc., etc.

But here I am, Friday night, less than 12 hours from weigh in and my journal for this week is completely blank.

Its showing on the scale, too.

On Monday, I was up a pound. By Wednesday morning, I was up two pounds. I kept telling myself... 'weight fluctuates during the week, I still have time to turn it around'. But did I? Uh, no.

And then I had the mentality of 'well, I'm up, I might as well enjoy myself if I'm going to gain'.

And so I did.

Wednesday night we went to a friends house to help her husband with his website and we had lasagna... real lasagna!!! With garlic bread and this yummy fruit mixture that was flavored with sugar and lime juice and topped with real heavy cream whipped topping. I'll bet the whole dinner as 30 points.

Now mind you, I'd already eaten through my 35 flex points last weekend. I think by Monday I had maybe 5 flex points left. And being as I only get 24 points a day, I think it's safe to say I went way over on Thursday.

To my surprise, when I woke up on Thursday morning, after the yummy lasagna dinner and I was down 2 pounds. WHAT??? Does that make any sense whatsoever???!!!

And because of the newly lost 2 pounds, I treated myself to a steak dinner Thursday night. I had a baked potato with real butter and real sour cream and these sauteed veggies that I'm sure were 10 points for the bunch of them.

It's like I just couldn't stop myself.

And so this morning, I was up a pound, so for lunch I decided to have this California Club sandwich from TGI Fridays that had swiss cheese, turkey, ham, avocado, mayo and 18 points attached to it. Not to mention the mashed potatoes.

Ugh!!!

Oh, yea, did I tell you I had a brownie this afternoon??? I made them last night completely from scratch with the saved chocolate bars melted in the pot and everything. By the way, they were 5 points each!!!

I'm off to have some left over pizza my daughter just brought home.

Somebody stop me!!!!

from the Biggest Loser to the rest of my life...

First, I want to say I'm sorry for dragging my feet and not posting on here for over a week. At first, I just needed a break from the computer. I'd spend hours in here at night researching, posting, commenting and before I knew it my nights were just gone. I work on a computer all day producing a magazine and then I'd come home and work on the computer producing my blog. I think I just needed to learn some balance in it all. I think I'm there now. I have a tendency to be a bit over compulsive about newly found hobbies. And I think that's what it was. But I'm back and will post regularly, now, but not obsess over this whole thing.

That being said...

I just got done watching Biggest Loser tonight and it was a really great show. They went to Australia, which is a place I've ALWAYS wanted to visit. And it was gorgeous!

My favorite part was this guy named Adro who was the winner in season one of the Australian version of BL. He came on and started talking about how weight loss is a thing that's in your heart and in your head and not something that you just do with your body. He talked about when he was on a challenge where he had to climb up a pole, I don't know how many stories tall, and jump off while harnessed. They showed hip perched up on that tiny platform hugging the wooden pole with his back to the edge. He wouldn't let go. He was petrified of heights. Bob was yelling at him to jump but he wouldn't. It took him a half hour before he managed to step out to the edge of the platform and jump. But the most amazing thing happened when he jumped. He said he had a kind of out of body experience where he felt the old, fat Adro separate from the new, thiner Adro as he fell down and by the time he got to the ground, his two halves came back together but he was never the same. He saw his old self and never wanted to go back to that person again. He vowed right then to never be obese again. It was very touching and very inspiring. I'll look for the video of it on YouTube and post it here when I find it. His talk with the current contestants was truly amazing.

I love that show, not just because of the hype of it, but because of how these peoples' lives have been transformed. Truly transformed. Not just by losing weight. And not just by the celebrity-ness of it all. But how their mental psyche has changed. How their very being is no longer the same as it has been in their previous lives.

Speaking from the perspective of a formerly obese person, I hope I can develop this type of psyche. I can already see I've taken on some of these characteristics. I want to truly learn how to eat better. I want to learn about the food I put in my body and what it's made of and what it's effects are on my body and mind. I want to learn how to exercise the best possible way for my body through the transitions of weight loss. But most importantly, I want to be able to keep this attitude, this drive, this passion for health and fitness for the rest of my life. I don't ever want to feel the way I used to feel when I was fat. I used to tell myself that I felt fine and I had high self esteem and that I was pretty and all of that. But I really think I was just trying to talk myself into believing something that was a total sham.

I wasn't just fat, I was obese. And I was truly embarrassed.

I remember (and I still have this problem sometimes) thinking that everyone was watching the fat lady eat and saying to themselves "look at that pig". I remember driving down the road and whenever I'd have to pass in front of a row of cars that was sitting at a red light that I'd always put my hand up to my face like I was scratching my head or something so it would shield my face from the people who were sitting there at the red light because I just knew they'd think "oh, look at that fat lady driving past, that's disgusting". To this day, I have a phobia about walking up behind a person in line at the grocery store because it's inevitable that the person in front of me will always turn around and look to see who just walked up behind them. And before, I just knew that when they turned around and saw me behind them, they'd think "wow, look at how fat she is, I wonder what kind of junk food she's buying to feed her face with tonight".

I can't believe I'm coming to terms with this now like this but it's been haunting me ever since high school when my metabolism changed and I gained 50 lbs in my senior year. From there it was all down hill. And from there is when I started hating the way I looked through other peoples' eyes.

I never want to feel that again.

I am taking a vow right here and right now to never be obese again. I will not allow myself to feel the way I've felt these past 25 years. My 25 years of obesity. Gone!

It's the new me. Like Adro said when he made it to the ground. The old me is still very much a part of who I am, but the new me will never allow the old me to surface again. It's just not going to happen.