Wednesday, May 28, 2008

i need my blues to turn pink...

So, I'm hitting the point in my diet (again) where it's getting very tiresome to be "watching what I eat" and exercising. All I want to do is sit down and eat a big fat juicy hamburger with tons of cheese and mayo with a huge plate of onion rings with a small bucket of ranch dressing. And I'm really hating getting up in the mornings and exercising.

It's just so hard to keep motivated.

I've been doing this for over a year, now. 54 weeks of tracking how many points I can eat and how much exercise I need to do to lose weight week after week. 54 weeks of making sure I don't have too many grams of fat or calories. 54 weeks of... well, you get the picture, right?

I still have 45 more pounds to go and I'm totally dedicated to this. I AM NOT QUITTING! That's not what I'm saying at all. I'm totally motivated to finish all the way. I will do it!

I'm just tired of doing it. It's like I'm stuck playing the same song in the car every morning to work for a year. After a while, you just get tired of hearing the same lyrics and the same tune.

I change my diet up very often to where I'm eating different foods and experimenting with different, more healthier choices. I almost never eat the same thing week after week. So I'm not bored with the food. I'm bored with the process and the fact that it's such a long process.

And I'm finding it extremely difficult to get motivated to get up in the mornings and exercise. I'm committed to Weds and Thurs to walk with the girls. We walk for an hour every Wed & Thurs mornings, every week, no matter what. But if it weren't for that, I wouldn't be exercising at all. I say it's because I've had so much going on in my life that I'm just too tired to get up early to go running, but I proved that that is not the case yesterday morning. I had a full three-day-weekend of rest and relaxation. I went to bed before 11pm Monday night. Yet when I woke up at 6am Tuesday morning, I couldn't get my lazy butt out of bed. I felt rested and rejuvenated. But for the life of me I couldn't get up out of bed.

I've got to get re-motivated. I've got to find a way to dig my heals in and continue with a better attitude. I'm going to continue, no matter what. There's no way I'm quitting. But for my sanity, I need to find a different way to look at this whole thing so I'm not constantly fighting myself through it.

I think it's just a faze I'm going through. I went through something similar last November and December and came out of it with flying colors. I just didn't think it'd happen again so soon. Back then, I totally fell off of it all. I quit exercising. I was maintaining my weight at best. At least now, I'm still losing and I am still exercising (though just a little bit).

I just need to get excited about it all again.



Cara said...

Maybe for the workouts you should be doing something you love, more than something you have to motivate yourself to do. I crave running, and LOVE it, so I stick to it a lot more. It is a lot more fun than going to the gym on the elliptical. but... what if you fall in love with swimming, or soccer, or tennis. maybe you could try more fun stuff out. Once you love a physical activity, and realize that crap food makes you perform like crap, you will start appreciating the healthy food more.

Also I say give the cheeseburger or whatever a try, because if you don't you will feel deprived and will want to give up entirely. Just don't eat a ton of them ;-)

Also after awhile, which is probably where you are at anyway, is when you do eat greasy food now it makes you sick, so even if you do crave it, you remember the stomach pains and shy away before you over indulge. Or at least I do now. No more french fries... or more than 5 for me or else I am in pain for 2 days. Boooooooooooooo, but also woo hoo!!

Keep it up, you inspire me ;-)

Fatinah said...

I'm so glad to hear that while your motivation is lacking - you KNOW that you're not giving up. I can completely relate to your post. I have actually been very tired the last week - and for a while I was wondering if it was just all this thought that I have to put into what I eat.

I agree with above - sometimes you just need to have the hamburger. You will likely find after a couple of bites that it isn't what you remember, or you'll eat the whole thing and feel like shit, or you'll eat it, enjoy it and move on. As long as it gets counted - what's the dif?

I know in the end, it isn't about the hamburger, it's about having to think about wether or not to have the hamburger, weigh in on wether you deem it worthy of the billion pts or calories, wether it will be worthy of the stomach ache you will have later in the evening or the next day, wether or not you will really enjoy it once you deem it worthy, and oh, look at that - you've just earned a kajillion activity points JUST THINKING about having a hamburger!!! Gosh - I need a nap!! HAHAHAHA
If you find the key to your excitement - please be sure to share!! In the meantime, you are a huge inspiration to us all!! Maybe that will excite you even a smidgen????? ;-)

Deborah said...

What can I say? The 2 comments above said it all for me.

I did find that one thing that motivated me out of the slump I was in this winter was posting the before and during picture of myself on the fridge where I see it even if I'm only getting a glass of water. I'm sure this is a dumb suggestion but it's the only one I have.

You make Mommy really proud!!!

Kathy said...

hi Cara, i just found your blog as i was searching through weight loss blogs to inspire me and i just want to say YOU ARE AMAZING! that is so fantastic your transformation and I know you will keep going and reach your goal because you have already acheived so much! you are an inspiration and i am so glad that i found your blog. anyway i will be keeping up with your blog from now on and can't wait to see you reach your goal weight soon! kathy :)

Deborah said...

You've been tagged.