The good news (well, kinda) is that I only gained (officially) 2.2 pounds.
I was TRULY expecting a 5 pound gain. When I weighed myself at home this morning before I went to Weight Watchers I was still up 4.8 pounds from what I weighed at home Saturday before last.
It's so confusing because at home I'm up 5 pounds. At Weight Watchers I'm up only 2.2 and at the gym I'm up only 1 pound ... all from 2 Saturday's ago. I weight myself at the gym every Saturday morning just after breakfast (after Weight Watchers). So I'm weighing at the exact same time on the exact same scales in all three places each Saturday morning. Ugh! ...I digress.
Okay, back to the good part. I can handle only a 2.2 pound gain. I'm still above the 100 pound mark. My total loss is still 103.8 pounds (that's my Weight Watcher's loss--I always like to state that because I lost 10 lbs on NutraSystems the year before I started Weight Watchers and I like to add those 10 lbs in there whenever I can--so it's a total of 113.8).
I tell you, if I had dipped below the 100 pound mark I can't image what would have happened. I don't ever--ever--want to go below that mark again. And I tell you I was completely petrified that I'd done that. So I'm SO ecstatic that I didn't. So, yay!
My husband (who is the most wonderful man on this planet) and I had a discussion this morning that really got me to thinking. We were talking about how just about all I ever talk about is food or weight loss. Sure, we have other conversations, but inevitably, food will somehow get worked into every conversation. And you know, that's true. If I'm not talking about what I ate, I'm talking about what I'm going to eat or what I want to eat or what I want to bake or cook. And I have to be honest, probably at least 50% (if not more) of the shows I like to watch on TV are related to food, somehow.
It is like an obsession with me.
But the weird part is, I'm not sure how to turn it off or slow it down. I mean, #1, I do love food. Everything about it. And, #2, I have to always be thinking about and planning what I'm going to eat or how this or that will effect my weight loss efforts or (lately) how it'll effect my exercise efforts. I see no way around those types of thoughts.
But the more I think about it, the more I think I can take control of the "afterthoughts". I think those are the one's I should learn to let go. The things like "Oh, I had the most wonderful "whatever-it-is" for lunch today (and then I proceed to go into great detail about every taste and bite and texture)" or "I'm so mad that I ate those chips last night" or "I'll bet you if I wouldn't have eaten that piece of cake I would have lost weight this week" or even something as harmless ad "Ooo, did you see that? That casserole looks amazing! I wonder how many point it is?".
I'm seeing that there's a difference between planning about what I'm going to eat and obsessing over what I've already eaten and have no control over or contemplating something that I know I can't eat (or don't want to because it would either be too many points or would send me off the deep end wanting more and more).
I'm not sure if any of this is making sense. It does seem like such a fine line, but I think it's one that needs distinction. All I know is that I can't keep this up. I do obsess over every kind of food and everything associated with food. And I know it's not healthy.
Did you know that I have not one but TWO food calendars in my cubical at work? Yup, I have a scrumptious calendar that has huge, very fattening, very luscious looking photos for each month and to offset that I got a "Healthified" calendar that hangs right next to it so I could justify looking at the "bad for me" foods. That's just messed up!
Yes, I'm obsessed.
People always come in my cube and say "I don't see how you can look at that all day long. It would make me want to eat it.". And I always shrug it off and say that it doesn't bother me at all. Well, maybe I'm wrong. Maybe it is feeding my obsession. I wonder what other things in my life are feeding my obsession? I think I'm going to have to reassess things.
Do you guys twitter? I do. I love it. If you want to find me, I'm @CaraShow. I found this tweet today and thought it suited me so perfectly:
"What keeps me motivated is not food itself, but all the bonds & memories the food represents." ~Julia Child"
I think that about sums it up for me.
What do you guys do? Do you obsess over food? How do you turn it off? How do you cope? How do I stop obsessing?