Saturday, September 11, 2010

Obsession or "Planning"...

Well, I did it. I weighed in this morning. I sure didn't want to, but I had no choice.

The good news (well, kinda) is that I only gained (officially) 2.2 pounds.

Whew!

I was TRULY expecting a 5 pound gain. When I weighed myself at home this morning before I went to Weight Watchers I was still up 4.8 pounds from what I weighed at home Saturday before last.

It's so confusing because at home I'm up 5 pounds. At Weight Watchers I'm up only 2.2 and at the gym I'm up only 1 pound ... all from 2 Saturday's ago. I weight myself at the gym every Saturday morning just after breakfast (after Weight Watchers). So I'm weighing at the exact same time on the exact same scales in all three places each Saturday morning. Ugh!   ...I digress.

Okay, back to the good part. I can handle only a 2.2 pound gain. I'm still above the 100 pound mark. My total loss is still 103.8 pounds (that's my Weight Watcher's loss--I always like to state that because I lost 10 lbs on NutraSystems the year before I started Weight Watchers and I like to add those 10 lbs in there whenever I can--so it's a total of 113.8).

I tell you, if I had dipped below the 100 pound mark I can't image what would have happened. I don't ever--ever--want to go below that mark again. And I tell you I was completely petrified that I'd done that. So I'm SO ecstatic that I didn't. So, yay!

My husband (who is the most wonderful man on this planet) and I had a discussion this morning that really got me to thinking. We were talking about how just about all I ever talk about is food or weight loss. Sure, we have other conversations, but inevitably, food will somehow get worked into every conversation. And you know, that's true. If I'm not talking about what I ate, I'm talking about what I'm going to eat or what I want to eat or what I want to bake or cook. And I have to be honest, probably at least 50% (if not more) of the shows I like to watch on TV are related to food, somehow.

It is like an obsession with me.

But the weird part is, I'm not sure how to turn it off or slow it down. I mean, #1, I do love food. Everything about it. And, #2, I have to always be thinking about and planning what I'm going to eat or how this or that will effect my weight loss efforts or (lately) how it'll effect my exercise efforts. I see no way around those types of thoughts.

But the more I think about it, the more I think I can take control of the "afterthoughts". I think those are the one's I should learn to let go. The things like "Oh, I had the most wonderful "whatever-it-is" for lunch today (and then I proceed to go into great detail about every taste and bite and texture)" or "I'm so mad that I ate those chips last night" or "I'll bet you if I wouldn't have eaten that piece of cake I would have lost weight this week" or even something as harmless ad "Ooo, did you see that? That casserole looks amazing! I wonder how many point it is?".

I'm seeing that there's a difference between planning about what I'm going to eat and obsessing over what I've already eaten and have no control over or contemplating something that I know I can't eat (or don't want to because it would either be too many points or would send me off the deep end wanting more and more).

I'm not sure if any of this is making sense. It does seem like such a fine line, but I think it's one that needs distinction. All I know is that I can't keep this up. I do obsess over every kind of food and everything associated with food. And I know it's not healthy.

Did you know that I have not one but TWO food calendars in my cubical at work? Yup, I have a scrumptious calendar that has huge, very fattening, very luscious looking photos for each month and to offset that I got a "Healthified" calendar that hangs right next to it so I could justify looking at the "bad for me" foods. That's just messed up!

Yes, I'm obsessed.

People always come in my cube and say "I don't see how you can look at that all day long. It would make me want to eat it.". And I always shrug it off and say that it doesn't bother me at all. Well, maybe I'm wrong. Maybe it is feeding my obsession. I wonder what other things in my life are feeding my obsession? I think I'm going to have to reassess things.

Do you guys twitter? I do. I love it. If you want to find me, I'm @CaraShow. I found this tweet today and thought it suited me so perfectly:

"What keeps me motivated is not food itself, but all the bonds & memories the food represents." ~Julia Child"

I think that about sums it up for me.

What do you guys do? Do you obsess over food? How do you turn it off? How do you cope? How do I stop obsessing?

15 comments:

Karen said...

The other day I was walking out of a store with only healthy food in my bags but thought about how much of my life now is focused on things related to this journey. Some of it is planning (meals, snacks, exercise), and some of it is blogging or commenting on blogs, but some of it is just the whole "when can I eat next" and "what do I crave" and "why did I eat that" and "don't think about food." Sigh.

screwdestiny said...

First of all, you should take those calendars down. I mean, really, how are they helping you to not obsess about food? My suggestion for controlling the obsession with thinking about what you're going to eat next or planning it is to simply do a menu plan for the entire week at the beginning of each week. I do this every week, planning out every single meal and snack, and it really helps me throughout the week. I don't even have to think about what I'm going to eat each day. When it's time for me to eat something, all I do is go to my fridge and check what's on the menu and make that. It makes it so easy and takes out impulse eating, too, because I like to stick to the plan. I don't know if that would work for you or not, but it's a suggestion. :)

hungry.sexy.momma. said...

Hi! I'm a new follower. Congrats on all of your success so far. That's wonderful!!!

Would love for you to visit me. I just started on my latest weight loss journey.

http://hungrysexymomma.blogspot.com/

the weight of weight loss said...

I completely understand - I have just started on my weight loss journey but most of my day is spent thinking about food what i can and can not eat - so glad I found your blog! mine is theweightofweightloss if you want to follow me on my journey - wishing you the best of luck!! congrats on your 100 lb milestone!!

Nichole said...

We are scared to stop worrying about food because when we don't think about it, we lose control and then we're back to our fat selves. It will chill over time but for now, keep obsessing and keep it in your mind and plan to succeed!!!

**Jamie** said...

Just thought I'd let you know you're pretty amazing. The fact that you never give up and keep pushing.. even if you have a gain. That's when I give up. Just thought I'd let you know.. and you're going to be a bit of an inspiration to me!

toss-it-onto-a-stage said...

I hear you! Food obsession is a wicked thing.

I lost 35lbs almost 7 years ago and have managed to keep it off, but I have felt like I've been at war with my body and mind for the better part of those 7 years.
However, recently I discovered a couple of things that have helped me to relax a bit.

1) I've always been obsessive about the scale. I've been known to weight myself 3 to 4 times a day. I've logged my weekly weight and measurements in a notebook for the past 7 years, and have also been known to read through it daily. A month ago I decided to stop and allow myself a monthly weigh in. I feel that I am better able to control my anxiety if I lay off a bit and allow my body to "up and down" a bit (+/- 3 to 5lbs), because its going to do that anyway. It isn't easy though. I still want to weigh everyday!

2) I've started taking a "day off". This was inspired by the Body for Life program. The idea is that you're good 6 days and week and on the 7th you can eat what you want. It sounds dangerous, but actually I've found it is perfect. I look forward to the freedom and obsess less about what I can't have during the week, and when it arrives, I find that I am still able to make good decisions about my food.

You're great! Keep it going and don't forget what an amazing machine your body really is. I am always inspired by thoughts of how much I've put my body through and its amazing ability to recover.

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In case of overweight we need to put the lot of efforts. Always keep the habit of healthy eating. healthy food is good when someone want to lose weight.

Christina said...

I was just looking through my favorite blog list and I seen that you haven't posted in a couple weeks and I just wanted to say I hope you are ok and that you haven't given up on your weight loss goals. I'm still rooting for you and if you need someone to talk to I'm here.

Anonymous said...

You're my favorite blogger.
You haven't posted for a while.
You are missed. Come back when you can!

naynay_az said...

I just started WW 4 weeks ago.
In the past I have started and stopped ww atleast 6 times and never made it further then 3 weeks. Part that had everything to do with obsessing over food. It was what I would think about 24-7/ What I waas gonna have for each meal, how many points that is..WhatI will buy at the store..When wil I track it..It gets to be too much. Then I always quit. I am trying not to obsess as much and I am on week 4 and 3 days..I think with anything that is in your life at present will become a huge part of it..Wether it be a new job, a baby on the way, even just getting a new haircut..We investigate and look up new stlyes on out computer all night..So yeah I think it is just a natural process.

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Bailey said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Bailey said...

I also struggle with weight issues which seems common for women. I just started Fat Loss 4 Idiots diet today. Hope it's the last diet I'll ever need. It has alot to do with hormones which makes sense to me because even when I have a good day it seems so hard to lose weight now. I am also blogging to keep myself accountable. I will post my results at
http://fatloss4idiotsdoesitwork.blogspot.com

how to lose 20 pounds in 2 weeks said...

Planing what you are going to eat is very important. It would be nice to store only healthy foods and get rid of all junk stuffs