Saturday, May 30, 2009

I DID IT!!! I LOST 100 LBS!!!!!!!!!!!

100 LBS!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I did it!!!

I lost 5.4 pounds this past week. I weighed in at exactly 165 pounds. So I've lost a total of 100.2 pounds.

I can't believe it!!!

I actually... finally... did it!!

Here's the start I got when I logged my weight in on this morning:

Isn't it beautiful?!?!?!?!

This is what I got when I first logged my weigh in. I thought it was so cool that they made a big deal about the 100 pounds. Maybe that happens every week, I just never noticed it. You like the way it warns me about losing too much too fast? Pretty smart, actually.

Here's my milestones so far:

And here's my total weight loss chart. From the beginning:

When I stepped on the scale and I first heard her say I'd lost 100 pounds, I screamed and whooped so loud! There weren't very many people there yet, only a couple, but I let it lose. I jumped up and down screaming and hugged my husband. He was standing right next to me. He's quit Weight Watchers, but he's switched to counting calories and it's working beautifully for him. But he came because he knew I was going to do it. And I did!

It was so cool at weigh in. The two ladies that weigh people in (Barb and Kathy) both came out from around the counter and hugged me. And my leader said some really sweet things about me during my meeting. He got me choked up at what he said. It was so nice to hear how happy he was for me.

I got 3 paper clips, too!!!


I got a 100lb magnet!

Woo hoo!

I got a 100lb keychain charm!

Yee haw!!

AND, I got a 5 pound star!!


I'm loaded right now!! These are my keychain charms. There's a 16-weeks, a 25 pound, 50 pound, and 100 pound.

These are my magnets:

I set my next goal for 10 more pounds. I originally wanted to lose 130 pounds altogether so I can say I'm "half assed" (that I've lost half my body weight), but it's taken me so long and it's been so hard to lose these 100 pounds, I don't want to try for another 30 pounds right now. That'll be my ultimate goal that I'll reach someday. But for now, I'm making 155 my goal weight.

Whew! I can't believe it did it!!

Thursday, May 28, 2009

I'm SO close to losing 100 pounds!! :0]

Okay, are you guys sitting down??

If not, you might want to because this news might just floor you if you're not...

I think I'm going to reach my 100 pound goal this weekend!!!!

Last week, I weighed in at Weight Watchers at 170.4 pounds. And my weight at home that same morning (before weigh in) was 169.8. I'm usually about a pound lighter at home than I am at Weight Watchers.

This morning I weight myself at home and I was 164.8. So I've lost 5 pounds this week (so far).

My 100 pound mark is 165.2.

So if I can just lose another 6 to 8/10ths of a pound (for cushion), I just might pull it off. Ideally, I'd like to be 164.2 at home so that would give me a full pound of variance so hopefully WW would weigh me in at 165.2.

I'm so excited!!

So, how have I been doing it. Well, it's not something I want to do for a very long time, but basically I'm doing the Weight Watcher's Jump Start program. I don't know why I didn't think about this before.

Their menu is filled with low calorie, low fat, high protein, high fiber, low sodium, high energy foods. Filling foods. Lots of whole grains. Basically, a healthy diet.

And I treated EVERY day like it was Friday. Friday's are my "knuckle down, be on my best behavior" days to I'll try and lose an extra X/10th of a pound in time for Saturday morning's weight in. I had no splurges whatsoever AT ALL this week. Not even last weekend. I haven't used but just a few of my flex points.

I feel a bit deprived, though, which is why I don't think I'd like to do this indefinitely. I mean, don't get me wrong, I like the food I'm eating, but I still miss my comfort foods. My little splurges. And if I deny myself for very long, I'll soon have an all-out binge of all the wrong foods.

It's been a struggle. Every night, I want to go in the kitchen and eat everything I can get my hands on. Luckily the cupboards are a bit bare so that has helped.

If I don't make it to the 100 pound goal, at least I'll be close. Close enough to get it the next week. And at the very least, I'll get a paperclip! Maybe even two!!

So wish me luck. I've got 2 full (well almost full) days left to go before weigh in. So I've got to, at the very least, keep my weight right where it is, but at best lose another pound.

Sunday, May 24, 2009

Me vs. Me

So I woke up this morning (dragged my lazy butt out of bed) and went for a bike ride.

I found a new trail. I LOVE finding new trails. You'd think I would have run out of "new trails" by now. I mean, I start at my house and there are only so many ways to go from there. But nonetheless, I found a new one and it was gorgeous.

I started out for the first 4 miles on the same trail I've always gone and then when I crossed the interstate (on a foot bridge), I turned right instead of left. It eventually turned into a very wide, shaded trail that had horse crossing every once in a while. There were million dollar houses as well as shack-looking houses all along the way. Horse farms. Parks. Huge back yards with gardens. And all along the way it was covered with a huge canopy of trees. Wasn't real crowded but there were walkers, runners and cyclists all along the way. Funny, but the cyclists are the rudest ones. They'll never say "mornin" back to me. Oh, well.

It was only 16 miles and I got back in an hour and forty minutes, but it was well worth it. I didn't eat my oatmeal before I left and so just as I hit the half way point I started losing momentum. I was running low on fuel. Won't do that again. I got back and was so weak and shaky.

Took a shower then went to our Sunday morning breakfast spot and had an egg white omelet (w/tomatoes, onions and mushrooms), orange juice and grits. Figured that would be good refueling food. I felt great after that.

We needed to stop by the store to pick up some butter and to my surprise, hubby suggested we walk to the store from the restaurant rather than drive the car over there. It ended up being a mile long walk (round trip). Not bad.

So all of this being said, I'm trying to get back on the horse. Your comments yesterday were very encouraging. It's so nice to know I'm not alone in this. I saw a poster in the front window of one of the shops we passed by on the way to the grocery store that said "It's You vs. You". That's so true on this journey. My biggest obstacle in all of this is me. In the beginning it was my not knowing anything at all about weight loss or healthy diet or the effects of exercise. But 2 years later, that's not the reason any more. It's me. It's Me vs. Me. I can do this. I just have to get my head on straight.

Oh, and get this. I stepped on the scales this morning before my bike ride and I was down 2 pounds from yesterday morning. Go figure. I pretended like yesterday was Friday as far as my eating goes and I guess it worked. Now I just have to pretend like the rest of this week is Friday every day to try and keep those 2 pounds off. :]

Saturday, May 23, 2009

Who am I? Why am I hear? Where am I going?

Weigh in today.

Gained another 2.4 pounds.

Let's see. Why do you think I gained?
  • Was it the box of donuts I ate on Saturday morning?
  • Was it the huge plate of lasagna I had Saturday night?
  • Was it the piece of coconut cream pie (with a side of a peanut butter chocolate chip cookie) I had Sunday for lunch?
  • Was it the (snack size) bag of Cheetos (at least it wasn't the huge bag like I wanted) I had Sunday for dinner?
  • Was it the Cinnamon Butter Cupcake I had Monday night? (and, no, I didn't eat any more of them the next day)
  • Was it the spaghetti I had Thursday night?
  • Was it because I didn't track one bit of food since Sunday night?
  • Or was it the lack of exercise all week?
Hmm. I wonder what could have caused the gain?

I'm in such a funk right now. I mean, ugh!! What the heck?!

It's like, I know exactly what I need to do to lose weight but I refuse to do it. And when I do, do it, I don't do it all the way. I mean, I'll say that I'm doing it. And I'll even convince myself that I'm doing it, but I'm not really. Like I'll say "I tracked all my food this week" when in reality, I might have tracked a few days. Or I'll say "I exercised this week" when in reality, all I did was a bike ride on Sunday or maybe I walked once or twice throughout the week. That's not "exercise" that's mildly keeping active.

I know I need to track every bit of food I eat.

I know I need to measure my food portions.

I know I need to exercise every day.

But I don't.

I only do it half-a$$ed.

All I want to do is lose 100 pounds. Why can't I do that?

I'm seriously considering giving up on trying to lose and just face it that I'm not going to allow myself to lose any more weight and just never reach the 100 pound goal.

The only problem with that is that I'm petrified of gaining it all back. It scares the crap out of me!!! I can't stop dieting. I'll never stop. I took one week off last December and gained 8 pounds in that one week. Can you imagine what would happen if I took a month or two off?? I'd be back to 275 pounds in no time, I'm sure.

You know what the worst part about all of this is that I'm not eating the food that I really want to. I mean, I lose, I gain, I lose, I gain, but through it all, I don't eat what I really want to. If I do, I can only eat a tiny bit of it knowing full well that if I eat the amount I want to, I'll gain big time.

Why is food still so important to me?

I would have hoped that after 2 years of being on this new "lifestyle" that I'd be used to it by now and the cravings wouldn't be so bad. And the yearnings would subside. When will they? Will they ever?

Man, listen to me, I sound like a whinny baby.

I'm just not in a great place right now. I'm not happy with alot of things in my life and food is just one of them. I need a new perspective on things. I need to focus on the good things in my life rather than the bad. I need for the good to outweigh the bad.

Who was it who said life should be this hard?

Monday, May 18, 2009

Does life really have to revolve around a cupcake?

Okay, so today I was back on track.

I had my oatmeal with soy milk and honey for breakfast. I had a left over pork chop with a small baked potato (with Molly McButter) for lunch and for dinner was a green salad (with only vinegar dressing) and a slice of cheese pizza.

Okay, confession time. I had a cupcake tonight. Although it's not for the reason you think.

My daughter came over tonight to make cupcakes with me. She turned 20 last week and I didn't get to see her on her birthday. This is the first time EVER since she was born that I didn't get to see her on her birthday. For her birthday, I had wanted to make her some cupcakes—her new favorite kind. I call them "Cinnamon Butter Cupcakes". They're a butter cupcake with cinnamon butter cream icing. Killer! They're fast becoming my favorite cupcakes too. But she was busy all last week so we couldn't.

Anyway, she's the one who had the idea to come over tonight and bake cupcakes. I have to admit, though, that the cupcake didn't take me by surprise. I had already planned on having one. But I'm only having just that one. She only took 8 or 9 with her which leaves a dozen and a half. But hubby and I are splitting them up and taking them to work.

I will not eat another one.

The experience was what I was really enjoying when I ate the cupcake. I didn't let the cupcakes cool before I iced 2 of them for us. I don't usually do that because the icing will slide right off the cake before it cools. But I did that so we could both enjoy it fresh and hot together.

It was a great experience.

I sure hope I'm not teaching her bad habits. She's so skinny. And she's worked hard at it. She doesn't want to be fat like me, or rather like I used to be.

Anyways, the rest of the day was just as I'd planned. No splurges and I feel great about it.

I want to thank you guys for your support. Your words mean so much to me. It really helps me put things in perspective. And I love that there are so many different points of view when you guys comment. I sometimes feel like I'm at a group therapy session or something and there are you guys all circled around me giving me feedback based of your experiences. Very helpful.

I am trying to figure out what the root of all this is. I used to think it was because I didn't think I was worth success. The first time I sabotaged myself last fall, I did feel inadequate. I didn't feel like I was worth the success. But I really feel I've moved past that. Now I'm not sure what it is. I'm just going to have to keep looking for the answers.

I'll find them. I know I will.

Sunday, May 17, 2009

With every rise, there comes a fall...

Okay, so I have some good news, or rather some great news, and then I have some bad news, or rather some horrible news.

Good news first.

Weigh in yesterday morning: Drum roll please....

I lose 4 POUNDS!!!

You guys were right. Those stress pounds came right off. Man, I'm so happy. I was so afraid those 4.8 pounds I gained week before last was going to take me weeks or even months to get off. I mean, I've only lost 8.6 pounds since the beginning of the year so at that rate, it'd take me over 2 months to take it back off. So I'm so ecstatic!!!

Or, at least I was.

Now for the bad news.

It's bad.

It's really bad.

I had an absolutely HORRIBLE weekend, food-wise.

I think I've gained those 4 pounds back. Why oh why do I do this!!!??? Can you hear me screaming right now? I haven't weight myself yet, but I will tomorrow morning. And I'm not looking forward to it.

I don't know why I did this. Why do I always do this?!

I ate the whole box of donuts Saturday morning just after weigh in. Well, almost the whole box. It was minus a half a donut from when I had my mini, controlled splurge Friday at lunch.

I had lasagna last night for dinner.

I had a piece of coconut cream pie for lunch today.

And the cherry on top of my pigging out weekend was the bag of Cheetos I scoffed down about an hour ago.

My stomach feels horrible. I feel so queasy. I've felt this way all weekend. I don't know what to do. I don't even know who I am any more. I mean, who in their right mind does this to themselves—intentionally. Am I doomed to sabotage my weight loss efforts for the rest of my life? Is this cycle ever going to end?

Kathy (my weigh in lady from WW) told me not to look at my weigh in book this week so I wouldn't wee those lost 4 pounds so that I wouldn't sabotage myself again. But I guess I didn't need to see the numbers in the book, I went ahead and sabotaged myself anyways.

It's almost like every time I lose big it gives me permission to splurge in a big way. It's like I have this leeway or something. It's like, 'whew, I lost that huge amount of weight, now I can just take it easy and indulge for a while because I have a huge buffer to fall back on'. Who does that?

I don't know where to go from here. Will I ever stop this cycle? I've been doing it fairly consistently for over 2 years now. You'd think I would have stopped by now.

So this week is going to be exercise hell for me. I didn't get to go biking this morning, but every night this week I'm going to have to burn a lot of calories. Heck, I might even get up early each morning and do a Shred workout (if I can drag my lazy butt out of bed each morning).

You know... I was only 1.2 pounds away from a paper clip??

I suck!

I thoroughly suck!!

Friday, May 15, 2009

Ode to a donut...

So I guess you could say that I have a thing for donuts. I never really realized it before, but since I started WW 2 years ago, donuts seem to be my passion and my treat.

They catch my eye when I'm minding my own business walking through the grocery store. They haunt me as I pass by their luscious looking buildings on my way to anywhere (there's a donut shop just a few blocks from my house). They were right on my way home from running my 5K AND my 10K. They are everywhere. They're on the way to the beach. They're everywhere!

And for me, donuts are a close second to cupcakes. I swear, one day I'm opening a cupcake store that sells donuts as side items. Seriously! Cupcakes and donuts... what else could a girl want?

So when hubby came home with those scrumptious things yesterday, my appetite was whet.

I figured out they're 6 points a piece. Now, mind you, that's almost one-third of my daily points. But I was definitely considering it. Then I thought, why not just have a half. That's only 3 points and that's totally doable.

So I decided that's what I'd do. I'd have a half a donut with my oatmeal in the morning.

The only thing is, I forgot about it. Can you believe that?? I actually forgot about my precious donut at breakfast this morning!

I finally found a benefit to having a horrible memory.

But the worst thing is that when I came home for lunch, the donuts were still on the counter. Aaaaaahhhhh!!!!!!! Hubby forgot to take them to work!!!!

So, of course I had to eat my 3-point-half-of-a-donut with my turkey wrap. Right? I mean, come one! It was sitting on the counter patiently waiting for me. I can't deny a friend as patient as that now can I??

But I have to take this as a victory. I did, after all, only eat half of the donut.

Mind over donut!

Weigh in is in the morning. I've done so good this week. I'm hoping all of those 4.8 pounds will come off on the scale tomorrow. Wish me luck!

Look what I found...


Thursday, May 14, 2009

Can you believe it, I went running! =D

So tonight I was supposed to meet my WW walking group but it was raining all day. But it got to be just before the time we're supposed to meet and the skies cleared up so I decided to go ahead and go to the park just in case anyone showed up.

Well, they didn't.

But I decided to go for a run anyways.

I haven't been running in quite a while mainly because I'm afraid I'm going to further injure my knee if I do. I know sometimes you're supposed to push through the pain, but I don't want to risk permanent damage so I've been doing everything else except running.

So I headed out on the trail. I love this trail because it looks like I'm going through a jungle. There are tall trees canopying on both sides of the trail with thick bushes of palm trees and other tropical looking bushes.

I decided to just run real slow and see how the knee did. It did great.

So I went up and over the main overpass (a foot bridge built over a major highway), huffing and puffing, mind you. Was real steep. Then as I came down the other side I told myself I wouldn't stop running until I reached the smaller creek foot bridge. But then when I got to the creek, I was feeling great. My knee wasn't hurting at all. So I decided to pick up the speed and run full out to the next bend in the trail. Was probably a quarter of a mile.

I did it! No pain. Yipee! So then I walked to cool down a bit and catch my breath. Walked for about another half mile then turned around and started running back. Knee still doing great.

I got back to the creek and realized it was about 10 minutes until 8 and the park closes as sunset, which is at 8:09. I was probably a half hour from the park. And that's if I ran the whole way back.

So I picked up the pace a bit. Knee still doing fine.

8:04 and I'm still not at the park. I'm thinking, crap, what if I get there and the gates are closed and my car is stuck there. I sure hope there's someone I can call to come and let me out.

Darn it, my knee starts hurting.

8:06. Still not at the park. Now I'm thinking, well, David is going to have to come pick me up because I know there's now way I can make it back to the park in 3 minutes, I'd just passed over the big foot bridge that crosses over the highway.

Now, coming down the other side of the foot bridge my knee is really hurting so I have to start walking. So I speed walk. You know how I HATE speed walking. I feel so darn silly. But I had to make it back in a hurry. No time to walk regular pace.

8:09. I still can't even see the park. I look up, though, and there's this beautiful sunset. The sky turned a bright blue and these beautiful salmon colored rays were streaking across the misty white clouds. Man it was beautiful.

8:12. I finally make it to the park. THE GATES WERE OPEN!!! Yay!!!

Whew! Major catastrophe averted.

I'm guessing it was between 3 and 4 miles. Who knows how far because MapMyRun doesn't even show a trail through the woods.

I'm bummed my knee started hurting again. You know I've never had a problem with my knee or any other part of my body before. I wish I knew why it was doing that. I know, I need a pair of good shoes. When I can afford them, I'm definitely getting them. Until then, I'll keep running short distances and for the long distances I'll stick to biking or speed walking. Better than nothing, right.

My next challenge is how to avoid the donuts that are sitting in on my kitchen counter. Hubby brought them "home for me". They had a buy one get one free sale and he wanted a box so he got me the free box.

He's taking both boxes in to work with him tomorrow. But those donuts have to live in this house with me until then. I don't think they stand a chance.

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

I'm trying to be the biggest loser...

Okay, so finally the scale is dropping a bit. I’ve been really obsessing over everything that goes in my mouth this week. I hate doing this, but it’s the only way for now. It’s going to drive me crazy soon enough, I know it is. I’m down almost 2 pounds since Saturday. Not great, but at least it’s going down.

I am finding that my portions are a little on the large side. Not much. Maybe 10% more than they should be. But I think it’s what’s been causing me to not lose over the past few months. At least I sure hope that’s what it is. I’m measuring EVERYTHING now. Just like I first started WW.

I went for a bike ride this morning. Went 10.5 miles. Did it in an hour. Not bad. Not great, but not bad. Earned 8 activity points. Sweet!!

I went walking tonight with my WW walking team. I was afraid it was going to rain, but not a drop in sight. We met at a state park at 7:15 and the park closed at sunset. I was afraid we'd get done walking and come back and our cars would be locked in the park over night. Whew! We got back in plenty of time. Earned another 3 APs. So far, I'm up to 28 APs for the week. Woo hoo!

How about Biggest Loser last night??!! I’m probably in the minority, but I LOVED that Helen won. She started out almost as heavy as I was when I first started WW and she’s my age and she looked amazing! Well, a little on the thin side, but she still looked great. And Jerry!!! Wow!!! 68 years old!!??? And he lost 177 pounds!?! Man, he puts me to shame!

I’ve been having the worst cravings lately. I usually get this way when I’ve been “real strict” for a long period of time. And I have been. Now I’m just trying to push through it without caving in. I know I’m going to, though. I’m craving anything under the sun. Egg salad. Donuts. Chips n dip. Cupcakes. Cake of any kind. Heck, anything with icing on it! Ice cream (which I usually hate). Popcorn. Oh my gosh! I want some popcorn so bad! Bacon. Steak. Anything with gobs of cheese on it or in it. Baked potato loaded with sour cream, cheese and bacon. Okay, I’ll stop. I could go on and on but I won’t. And I know giving myself a “little” taste won’t do it. It’s all or nothing when these cravings sink in. Suffice it to say, I’ve got it bad. Lets just hope I don’t cave.

Check this out. I re-watched the Biggest Loser during lunch and wrote down all their weights and percentages. I know, I'm obsessed, what can I say. But if you're interested, here's the order of winners:

Helen - Winner!!!
Starting Weight: 257
Current Weight: 117
Total Pounds Lost: 140
54.47% of weight loss

Mike - was only 5 pounds away from winning
Starting Weight: 388
Current Weight: 181
Total Pounds Lost: 207
53.35% of weight loss

Tara - was only 6 pounds away from winning
Starting Weight: 294
Current Weight: 139
Total Pounds Lost: 155
47.28% of weight loss

At Home Contestants:

Jerry - Wow! Amazing!!!
Starting Weight: 369
Current Weight: 192
Total Pounds Lost: 177
47.97% of weight loss

Kristin - So glad she came in 2nd
Starting Weight: 360
Current Weight: 193
Total Pounds Lost: 167
46.39% of weight loss

Nicole - Was so surprised she came in 3rd. Go girl!!
Starting Weight: 269
Current Weight: 146
Total Pounds Lost: 123
45.72% of weight loss

Starting Weight: 430
Current Weight: 238
Total Pounds Lost: 192
44.65% of weight loss

Starting Weight: 372
Current Weight: 226
Total Pounds Lost: 146
39.25% of weight loss

Starting Weight: 412
Current Weight: 258
Total Pounds Lost: 154
37.38% of weight loss

Starting Weight: 364
Current Weight: 229
Total Pounds Lost: 135
37.09% of weight loss

Starting Weight: 381
Current Weight: 245
Total Pounds Lost: 136
35.7% of weight loss

Starting Weight: 263
Current Weight: 171
Total Pounds Lost: 92
34.98% of weight loss

Starting Weight: 249
Current Weight: 159
Total Pounds Lost: 83
34.3% of weight loss

Starting Weight: 379
Current Weight: 251
Total Pounds Lost: 128
33.77% of weight loss

Starting Weight: 283
Current Weight: 191
Total Pounds Lost: 92
32.51% of weight loss

Starting Weight: 293
Current Weight: 198
Total Pounds Lost: 95
32.42% of weight loss

Starting Weight: 365
Current Weight: 249
Total Pounds Lost: 116
31.78% of weight loss

Starting Weight: 454
Current Weight: 312
Total Pounds Lost: 142
31.28% of weight loss

Starting Weight: 285
Current Weight: 199
Total Pounds Lost: 86
30.18% of weight loss

Starting Weight: 309
Current Weight: 229
Total Pounds Lost: 80
25.89% of weight loss

Aubrey - I'm so bummed about her. She was my fav. Tough break.
Starting Weight: 249
Current Weight: 194
Total Pounds Lost: 55
22.09% of weight loss

Starting Weight: 393
Current Weight: 350
Total Pounds Lost: 43
10.94% of weight loss

Monday, May 11, 2009

What a great weekend...

This weekend was great! I thought my world as I knew it had come to an end Friday night when my daughter moved out. But when as I made my way through Saturday, things seemed look up a bit. We had lunch with the in-laws and with my daughter and her boyfriend. It was very nice. Just a simple lunch. But we all met at the restaurant, which was kind of cool. It was weird, though, when she made a comment about heading back home to do something and it hit me that she didn't me our home, she meant her home. I was okay with it, though. She seemed a little bigger to me at that point. But just a little. :)

Then yesterday we spent all day together. I felt like we hadn't seen each other in so long. I know, I'm weird. She lives a whole 5 minutes away, but it feels like she's so far away. We went to go see Star Trek in IMAX at 4:40. Who knew they'd be sold out 4 days after the opening day. It must have been because it was in IMAX. The next showing was 3 hours later so we bought the tickets and walked across to the mall and hung out at Barnes & Noble in the coffee shop.

Okay, so here's the bad part. I had a cupcake. I couldn't help it. It was one little itty bitty cupcake. I had a fat free, decaf, latte with sugar free syrup. I could have had a full fat, full caf latte with regular syrup, you know. So the cupcake was a small splurge. I thoroughly enjoyed it (even though it tasted a week old and the icing was so stiff my fork actually clunked when I tapped it on top). We shared a Dwell magazine (architect magazine) which was awesome. Stayed there for about an hour and a half then headed back to the theater. The lady who sold us the tickets said we should get there at least an hour early because the line will be long to get into the theater.

So we waited in line for an hour and a half to try and get good seats at the movie. This is a pic of us sitting on the floor waiting (and waiting). So of course we got GREAT seats. Dead center of the theater!

The movie was AWESOME of course, but the best part was the company. It was so cool hanging out with her all day. I really needed that!

After we got home, she came inside for a few minutes to talk about the movie with dad and then she was off for home--her home. The cutest part was that she texted me to let me know she got home safe. Was so cool.

As for my weight loss journey... I overdid it just a smidge over the weekend but I didn't gain anything (more). I went for my 2 hour bike ride yesterday morning. That was a blast. I called my mom as I was heading out of the driveway and we talked the whole 2 hours. What a great way to spend the beginning of my mother's day.

I started thinking about something Kathi said about watching every bite I eat and thought it'd be a good idea to start measuring things again. So yesterday morning I poured the oatmeal into my bowl. The same amount I usually put in there. Then I measured out the oatmeal after I'd put it in my bowl. I thought I had a cup full in there but it ends up it was a cup and a half. So instead of 5 points it was 9 points. Ugh! I had no idea! So now I'm going to start measuring things again.

Okay, so the funniest part! When I poured the oatmeal into the bowl, I picked up the bowl and looked on the side for the nutritional information so I could check the points. I actually looked on the side of the bowl instead of the side of the oatmeal carton! =D I laughed at myself out loud on that one. LOL!

I'll keep measuring things this week and see how far I've been off on my serving sizes. Hopefully this will help some.

Oh, did I tell you I want to start training for a marathon?

Sunday, May 10, 2009

Happy Mother's Day Mommy...

I decided to try something a little different with this blog post. I've been wanting to do a podcast blog for a while but I feel awkward talking to my computer and I'm afraid I might be all that interesting anyways. But I thought this was as good a time as any to give it a try.

So in honor of Mother's Day and my wonderful mother, I decided to send a Mother's Day video to my mom. The quality isn't that great and I think the sound is off from the video a bit, but here goes...

(Not sure how or why it chose the pic with my eyes closed as the main pic for the video. Weird.)

Saturday, May 9, 2009

I can't see what's behind the door...

So weigh in this morning was horrible. On so many different levels.

I gained 4.8 pounds.

I don't understand it. I ate my 21 points a day (plus a couple of earned activity points each day). I ate most of my flex points last weekend so I'd have all week to work them off (however, I only gained 1 pound over the weekend). I earned 27 activity points. What the heck!

Okay, I think I might know what's up. Stress.

#1. My job responsibilities used to be a full time job. Since the layoffs, I've taken on about 50% more workload so I'm doing 150% of the work in the same amount of time I used to do 100% of my work.

#2. It's the end of the magazine cycle which means all of the work done on the magazine all week gets wrapped up and finalized in order to ship out to the printer. I call myself the "human magazine funnel". Nothing goes into the magazine unless I put it there. Editorial writes it. Design creates the artwork. Advertising sells the ads and provides the ad material. What I do is take all those pieces and build a magazine—page by page. So the last week of the cycle is getting the million lose ends tied off and getting each page of the magazine finalized to it will print correctly. This past cycle was rough. The last several months have been rough. Each issue seems to get worse and worse. The layoffs have changed everyone's schedules and processes so everyone's late getting things to me and the schedule can't be moved, so I have to compensate.

#3. I just found out that a good friend at work's mom had Alzheimer's disease before she passed away. She died a couple of years ago and I didn't know my friend then, but that's one of my greatest fears in life is getting Alzheimer's. It runs in my family. And I couldn't stop crying for her. I can't imagine what she went through with her mom towards the end. I can't imagine my own mother forgetting who I am.

#4. This is the big one. My daughter moved out. My only daughter. She's going to be 20 on Tuesday so I know it's time for her to move out. But I am not ready for it. She's still in college. Just finished her 2nd year. And I just don't think this move was the best time and situation for her to move into. I think her expenses are still way too high to take on the extras of rent, utilities and food. She moved in with 2 roommates, one of which, she's just met (the other she's know for 2 years). I know, I have to let her go. She's an adult. She needs to be on her own. But I just don't like it. I'm so worried for her.

Friday morning was especially hard because it was the last time I'd hear her alarm clock go off. It's the last time I'd wake her up. It's the last time we'd have breakfast together. It's the last time I'd hug her goodbye. It was my morning of lasts. And then I got to work and had about 25 hours of work that I had to cram into 7 hours in order to get the magazine shipped out on time. Everyone else was too busy to help. I cried my way through the day.

One good part to this past week was that I didn't eat one cupcake. I baked cupcakes for a friend at work (she commissioned me) and I had so much fun doing it. They were Snickerdoodle cupcakes which is butter cupcakes filled with cinnamon cream cheese filling and stopped with boiled white icing (made with meringue). But I resisted and did not eat even one of them.

And then this morning, when I entered my weight on, first of all I cried because I'm now back up to 172.2. I swore I'd NEVER get back up in the 170s again. But on top of that, after I input my weight, the darn pop up window said it's time to recalculate my points. I'm thinking, WHAT? Please don't take away another point. 21 points is already slim pickings. Would you believe the stupid thing GAVE me a point back??!!! Seriously! I now have 22 daily points allowance.What the heck is up with that?!?! I don't even know what to do with that. I've NEVER had WW GIVE me points!

Okay, tell me where I'm supposed to go from here. Because I don't know.

Thursday, May 7, 2009

National Day of Prayer

Being as today is the National Day of Prayer, I thought I'd share this with you guys. No weight loss journal today. Below is the proclamation by President Abraham Lincoln calling for a National Day of Prayer and Repentance in 1863. I believe that you'll find the words are very poignant...

President Abraham Lincoln's Proclamation:

A Day Of National Humiliation, Fasting, and Prayer
in the The United States Of America on April 30, 1863

WHEREAS, the senate of the United States, devoutly recognizing the Supreme Authority and Just Government of Almighty God, in all the affairs of men and of nations, has by a resolution, required the President to designate and set apart a day for National prayer and humiliation:

And whereas, it is the duty of nations as as well as of men, to owe their dependence upon the overruling power of God, to confess their sins and transgressions, in humble sorrow, yet with assured hope that genuine repentance will lead to mercy and pardon; and to recognize the sublime truth, announced in the Holy Scriptures and proven by all history, that those nations only are blessed whose God is the Lord:

And, in so much as we know that, by His divine law, nations, like individuals, are subjected to punishments and chastisements in this world, may we not justly fear that the awful calamity of civil war, which now desolates the land, may be but a punishment inflicted upon us for our presumptuous sins, to the needful end of our national reformation as a whole People? We have been the recipients of the choicest bounties of Heaven. We have been preserved, these many years, in peace and prosperity. We have grown in numbers, wealth, and power as no other nation has ever grown. But we have forgotten God. We have forgotten the gracious hand which preserved us in peace, and multiplied and enriched and strengthened us; and we have vainly imagined, in the deceitfulness of our hearts, that all these blessings were produced by some superior wisdom and virtue of our own. Intoxicated with unbroken success, we have become too self-sufficient to feel the necessity of redeeming and preserving grace, too proud to pray to the God that made us! It behooves us, then to humble ourselves before the offended Power, to confess our national sins, and to pray for clemency and forgiveness.

Now, therefore, in compliance with the request , and fully concurring in the views of the Senate, I do, by this proclamation, designate and set apart Thursday, the 30th day of April, 1863, as a day of national humiliation, fasting, and prayer. And I do hereby request all the People to abstain on that day from their ordinary secular pursuits, and to unite, at their several places of public worship and their respective homes, in keeping the day holy to the Lord, and devoted to the humble discharge of the religious duties proper to that solemn occasion.

All this being done, in sincerity and truth, let us then rest humbly in the hope authorized by the Divine teachings, that the united cry of the Nation will be heard on high, and answered with blessings, no less than the pardon of our national sins, and the restoration of our now divided and suffering country, to its former happy condition of unity and peace.

In witness whereof, I have here unto set my hand, and caused the seal of the United States to be affixed.

Done at the city of Washington this thirtieth day of March, in the year of our Lord one thousand eight hundred and sixty-three, and of the Independence of the United States the eighty-seventy.

By the President:

William H. Seward, Secretary of State

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

Overcoming fears and achieving goals...

Biggest Loser was great tonight. I cried big ole alligator tears when Tara crossed the finish line. Then I did it all over again when Helen crossed. I didn't cry for Mikey because even though it was a huge victory for him, I could totally empathize that it just wasn't the huge victory he'd wanted. But darn it all, I cried when Ron crossed the finish line. But I wasn't crying for Ron, I was crying for Mikey. He was so stinking proud of his dad. And Max was crying from like a mile back from the end of the race.

I can't believe that show finally got me crying. Crying like a baby.

I can identify with that show and those contestants so much. I know exactly what they were going through when the got home. That overwhelming fear that they couldn't do it and that they'd go back to the "way it used to be". That paralyzing fear. That fear that derails.

Tara was so afraid that she'd completely fallen of the wagon when those Pita chips attacked her in the grocery store. She had everything under control and then her old food addictions set in and it scared her to death.

Helen was so afraid to drink that glass of wine. What if she couldn't stop. What if she convinced herself that it was okay to drink a glass of wine on a regular basis and then she'd be right back where she was.

Mike was so afraid that all of his hard work wasn't going to be enough. And afraid he wouldn't have time for him.

I could totally identify with each of them. That fear is so tangible. That fear is what kept me from reaching my 100 pound goal last fall. I just knew that once I reached my goal I'd mess up some how and gain it all back. Then I was afraid that if I ate something that I loved and wouldn't be able to stop. I just knew that I wouldn't be able to do it. Or worse yet, I'd do it, I'd lose all the weight, but then I'd gain it all back. I love food after all. Why would I want to deprive myself of it for the REST OF MY LIFE??

But I've learned what Tara, Helen and Mike have learned. I CAN do it. And if I fall off, I'll just get back on and life will go on.

Life will go on.

So one pound at a time. One day at a time. I'm continuing my journey. And I'm loving every minute of it.

I went walking with my WW team tonight. We walked a very brisk 3 miles. Was great getting to know new people and walking on that beautiful trail. Here's a pic:

Yea, there were only 4 of us and a non WW member who walked with us and took the picture. But at least we're out there doing it, right?

We're walking again tomorrow night and the next night.

Saturday, May 2, 2009

I'm so close I can taste that 100 pound victory...

I am so excited!

I lost weight this week!!

OH MY GOSH, I FINALLY lost weight.

I lost 1.4 pounds. Was quite a shock.

I kept steady gaining weight all week. Even after I exercised just almost every day. I stayed on points and seemed to be doing great. Except the scale kept kicking me in the gut every morning.

Then Kelly mentioned something on my Wednesday blog post that hit me like a mac truck... Sodium. I know I have a problem with eating too much sodium. Didn't used to be that way, but recently I've learned that if I eat too much, I'll start retaining. (I miss my nightly popcorn snack so bad.) But I wasn't even thinking when I bought a bag of pretzels last weekend. I know they're low fat and relatively low in points. I can have a small bowl for only 3 points. But I forgot that the sodium is a killer for me.


So Thursday, no pretzels and no salt. Lost half a pound that day.

Then Friday, no preztels and no salt at all. Lost 2 pounds.

I was retaining!


Thanks for helping me figure that out. Just in time, too.

So, now I'M THE LOWEST WEIGHT I'VE EVER BEEN since I started WW 2 years ago. I'm coming up on my 2 year anniversary with WW. I started on May 12, 2007. I haven't missed one week of WW since then. Not one. I know me, if I miss a week then it will be okay to miss and I'll soon lose my motivation for accountability.

I'm now down to 167.4lbs.

Woo Hoo!!

I've got 2.2 pounds to get the ominous 100.

But more importantly, I'm only 2/10ths of a pound from a paper clip!!!

I'm so excited. And I just can't hide it. Can you hear the Pointer Sisters chiming along with me?


Friday, May 1, 2009

The exerice blues...

I can never remember, is it better to walk on a pulled muscle or to rest on it?

I pulled a muscle last Friday. Didn't realize that was what it was until yesterday. I thought my legs were just still sore from the workouts I've been doing lately. But then it dawned on me that the only place that was sore was my right calf and boy does it still hurt. So I'm thinking I might have aggravated it this week with all the activity. But I always thought it was good to exercise a pulled muscle, after you've let it rest for a day or two. But maybe that's my problem because I never rested.

I didn't exercise yesterday. I thought it would be better to take one day off this week. I don't feel guilty about it. It's good to rest the body.

I am going on a bike ride tonight, though. I've been antsy to get back out on that trail I found last weekend. I just hope I can make it home from work on time tonight so I have plenty of time to go ride.

So tomorrow is weigh in and I don't think I'm going to do very well. I dropped a half a pound yesterday but I'm still up over a pound from Saturday.

Your advice made me thing. I don't think its a false reading from my HR monitor because I don't judge what I eat by how many calories I've burned. I find out how many activity points I earned and then I'll only add maybe half of them, no more than that, to my daily points allowance for that day. Sometimes I'll only use one or two APs even if I've earned 5 or 6. Just depends on how my body feels and whether I feel like I need extra nourishment that day or not.

The salt thing might be doing it. I've been eating pretzels and tortilla chips over the past week or so. All within my daily points allowance of course, but I know salt does derail me for sure. So I didn't have any yesterday and I wont have any today and we'll see if that's enough to get me back down to what I weighed at last Saturday's weigh in.

Oh, and Jinxxxgirl, I haven't been able to run lately because whenever I do, my knee starts hurting half way through. I can't afford new shoes so I've been doing alternative exercises to try and compensate. So thought I would DEARLY LOVE to get out there and run, and boy do I sure miss it, I can't. I tried it again the other day for a few minutes and my knee started hurting again. I think I'll just have to wait until I can save up enough for the shoes and run agian some day. I sure miss it, though.