Biggest Loser was great tonight. I cried big ole alligator tears when Tara crossed the finish line. Then I did it all over again when Helen crossed. I didn't cry for Mikey because even though it was a huge victory for him, I could totally empathize that it just wasn't the huge victory he'd wanted. But darn it all, I cried when Ron crossed the finish line. But I wasn't crying for Ron, I was crying for Mikey. He was so stinking proud of his dad. And Max was crying from like a mile back from the end of the race.
I can't believe that show finally got me crying. Crying like a baby.
I can identify with that show and those contestants so much. I know exactly what they were going through when the got home. That overwhelming fear that they couldn't do it and that they'd go back to the "way it used to be". That paralyzing fear. That fear that derails.
Tara was so afraid that she'd completely fallen of the wagon when those Pita chips attacked her in the grocery store. She had everything under control and then her old food addictions set in and it scared her to death.
Helen was so afraid to drink that glass of wine. What if she couldn't stop. What if she convinced herself that it was okay to drink a glass of wine on a regular basis and then she'd be right back where she was.
Mike was so afraid that all of his hard work wasn't going to be enough. And afraid he wouldn't have time for him.
I could totally identify with each of them. That fear is so tangible. That fear is what kept me from reaching my 100 pound goal last fall. I just knew that once I reached my goal I'd mess up some how and gain it all back. Then I was afraid that if I ate something that I loved and wouldn't be able to stop. I just knew that I wouldn't be able to do it. Or worse yet, I'd do it, I'd lose all the weight, but then I'd gain it all back. I love food after all. Why would I want to deprive myself of it for the REST OF MY LIFE??
But I've learned what Tara, Helen and Mike have learned. I CAN do it. And if I fall off, I'll just get back on and life will go on.
Life will go on.
So one pound at a time. One day at a time. I'm continuing my journey. And I'm loving every minute of it.
I went walking with my WW team tonight. We walked a very brisk 3 miles. Was great getting to know new people and walking on that beautiful trail. Here's a pic:
Yea, there were only 4 of us and a non WW member who walked with us and took the picture. But at least we're out there doing it, right?
We're walking again tomorrow night and the next night.