Okay, so I have some good news, or rather some great news, and then I have some bad news, or rather some horrible news.
Good news first.
Weigh in yesterday morning: Drum roll please....
I lose 4 POUNDS!!!
You guys were right. Those stress pounds came right off. Man, I'm so happy. I was so afraid those 4.8 pounds I gained week before last was going to take me weeks or even months to get off. I mean, I've only lost 8.6 pounds since the beginning of the year so at that rate, it'd take me over 2 months to take it back off. So I'm so ecstatic!!!
Or, at least I was.
Now for the bad news.
It's really bad.
I had an absolutely HORRIBLE weekend, food-wise.
I think I've gained those 4 pounds back. Why oh why do I do this!!!??? Can you hear me screaming right now? I haven't weight myself yet, but I will tomorrow morning. And I'm not looking forward to it.
I don't know why I did this. Why do I always do this?!
I ate the whole box of donuts Saturday morning just after weigh in. Well, almost the whole box. It was minus a half a donut from when I had my mini, controlled splurge Friday at lunch.
I had lasagna last night for dinner.
I had a piece of coconut cream pie for lunch today.
And the cherry on top of my pigging out weekend was the bag of Cheetos I scoffed down about an hour ago.
My stomach feels horrible. I feel so queasy. I've felt this way all weekend. I don't know what to do. I don't even know who I am any more. I mean, who in their right mind does this to themselves—intentionally. Am I doomed to sabotage my weight loss efforts for the rest of my life? Is this cycle ever going to end?
Kathy (my weigh in lady from WW) told me not to look at my weigh in book this week so I wouldn't wee those lost 4 pounds so that I wouldn't sabotage myself again. But I guess I didn't need to see the numbers in the book, I went ahead and sabotaged myself anyways.
It's almost like every time I lose big it gives me permission to splurge in a big way. It's like I have this leeway or something. It's like, 'whew, I lost that huge amount of weight, now I can just take it easy and indulge for a while because I have a huge buffer to fall back on'. Who does that?
I don't know where to go from here. Will I ever stop this cycle? I've been doing it fairly consistently for over 2 years now. You'd think I would have stopped by now.
So this week is going to be exercise hell for me. I didn't get to go biking this morning, but every night this week I'm going to have to burn a lot of calories. Heck, I might even get up early each morning and do a Shred workout (if I can drag my lazy butt out of bed each morning).
You know... I was only 1.2 pounds away from a paper clip??
I thoroughly suck!!