Gained another 2.4 pounds.
Let's see. Why do you think I gained?
- Was it the box of donuts I ate on Saturday morning?
- Was it the huge plate of lasagna I had Saturday night?
- Was it the piece of coconut cream pie (with a side of a peanut butter chocolate chip cookie) I had Sunday for lunch?
- Was it the (snack size) bag of Cheetos (at least it wasn't the huge bag like I wanted) I had Sunday for dinner?
- Was it the Cinnamon Butter Cupcake I had Monday night? (and, no, I didn't eat any more of them the next day)
- Was it the spaghetti I had Thursday night?
- Was it because I didn't track one bit of food since Sunday night?
- Or was it the lack of exercise all week?
I'm in such a funk right now. I mean, ugh!! What the heck?!
It's like, I know exactly what I need to do to lose weight but I refuse to do it. And when I do, do it, I don't do it all the way. I mean, I'll say that I'm doing it. And I'll even convince myself that I'm doing it, but I'm not really. Like I'll say "I tracked all my food this week" when in reality, I might have tracked a few days. Or I'll say "I exercised this week" when in reality, all I did was a bike ride on Sunday or maybe I walked once or twice throughout the week. That's not "exercise" that's mildly keeping active.
I know I need to track every bit of food I eat.
I know I need to measure my food portions.
I know I need to exercise every day.
But I don't.
I only do it half-a$$ed.
All I want to do is lose 100 pounds. Why can't I do that?
I'm seriously considering giving up on trying to lose and just face it that I'm not going to allow myself to lose any more weight and just never reach the 100 pound goal.
The only problem with that is that I'm petrified of gaining it all back. It scares the crap out of me!!! I can't stop dieting. I'll never stop. I took one week off last December and gained 8 pounds in that one week. Can you imagine what would happen if I took a month or two off?? I'd be back to 275 pounds in no time, I'm sure.
You know what the worst part about all of this is that I'm not eating the food that I really want to. I mean, I lose, I gain, I lose, I gain, but through it all, I don't eat what I really want to. If I do, I can only eat a tiny bit of it knowing full well that if I eat the amount I want to, I'll gain big time.
Why is food still so important to me?
I would have hoped that after 2 years of being on this new "lifestyle" that I'd be used to it by now and the cravings wouldn't be so bad. And the yearnings would subside. When will they? Will they ever?
Man, listen to me, I sound like a whinny baby.
I'm just not in a great place right now. I'm not happy with alot of things in my life and food is just one of them. I need a new perspective on things. I need to focus on the good things in my life rather than the bad. I need for the good to outweigh the bad.
Who was it who said life should be this hard?