I want to thank each and every one of you who stopped by my blog and congratulated me. Each and every remark meant so much to me. I feel like I just won the Biggest Loser. I feel on top of the world.
I seriously NEVER thought I'd lose 100 pounds. I mean, my ultimate goal was originally to lose 130 pounds, and I really thought I'd have reached that goal by now. When I started Weight Watchers 2 years and 4 weeks ago on May 12, 2007, I truly thought I'd be at my 130 pound goal WAY before 2 years.
When I first started losing weight, it wasn't really all that hard. I remember thinking to myself "why didn't you do this a long time ago, this isn't so hard". I mean, the pounds just seemed to drop off with very little effort on my part.
My first year, I dropped 80 pounds, with an average of 1 1/2 pounds a week. Not bad, huh?! So at that rate, which is a safe rate at which to lose weight, I'd be at my ultimate goal after about a year and a half.
Then something unexpected happened... me.
See, I decide last July that I'd start the 18 Pounds in 18 Weeks challenge. If some of you have been following me for a while, you remember this. You might have even joined me in this challenge. My goal was to reach my 100 pound mark by Thanksgiving. Then I could sit down to Thanksgiving dinner and be thankful that I'd lost 100 pounds. But then a couple of weeks before Thanksgiving, my weight loss efforts came to a total and complete halt.
I couldn't for the life of me figure out why.
I sat down to Thanksgiving dinner sad and disappointed with myself. I tell you what, I have never hated Thanksgiving as I did then. And you know what I did. I ate like a pig. I figured, heck, if I can't lose the weight, what does it matter? I was thoroughly disappointed with myself.
But I couldn't figure out why my weight loss had stopped. I was still doing everything I'd always done. I was eating my points. I was exercising regularly. So why wasn't I still losing??
Then in one week, the week of Christmas, I gained 8 pounds. Ugh! I completely pigged out. I thoroughly enjoyed everything I ate.
Then the next week, I got right back on plan. To no avail, though. Still no weigh loss, or very little. I thought because those 8 pounds came on so quickly, that they'd drop off just as fast.
But I didn't give up.
I felt like I was banging my head against the wall. A really hard concrete wall. I kept trying and trying, but nothing. Absolutely nothing.
Sure, I'd lose a pound or two here or there. But I'd inevitably gain to offset any small momentum I might have gained.
It wasn't until just a couple of months ago that I learned that I was sabotaging myself. My biggest enemy was me!
Wait a minute. Me? Sabotage? What the heck!?!? I want to lose this weight so bad. I want to be a skinnier me so bad. Why on earth would I ever sabotage myself??
Looking back, I think I freaked myself out. Just before Thanksgiving, when I was just a few pounds away from the 100, I think I convinced myself that I couldn't do it because I wasn't worthy. It's like, I wasn't good enough to be thin. I didn't deserve it. After all, I still craved all the bad food. I still wanted to eat everything in sight. And who's to say that as soon as I reached my 130 pound goal that I wouldn't gain every pound of it back. I convinced myself I wasn't good enough to be thin and healthy.
Listen to this. Terri, a friend from high school, just left me a message on my Facebook. She really hit the nail right on the head. She said: "sometimes we can be so hard on ourselves and we're afraid of success and being successful." That's exactly what it was.
But I didn't know that until just recently. I even had a few people tell me they thought I was sabotaging myself way back then. I quickly brushed them off. No way would I EVER intentionally sabotage myself.
But you know? I am worth it. I totally am.
You are too.
We're both worth it. We both deserve to be a thinner, happier version of ourselves. And there's nothing wrong with that. It's not prideful. It's not self-centered. It's being happy with the body God gave us. We're the ones who added all those fat layers onto our bodies. So to shed those layers is really just unveiling the me, and the you, who we really are on the inside. And there's nothing wrong with that.
I had convinced myself that I was happy being fat. My husband loved me the size I was. My family loved me for who I was no matter what I looked like. But really, it matters what I think about myself. I felt "full" in my old fat suit. I remember sitting on the edge of the bed crying because I couldn't fit into my newly bought size 26/28 clothes.
Now, I'm in a size 12!! I haven't been in a size 12 since before my daughter was born. And she just turned 20. I'm so happy. I'm so proud of myself. I've done it. Me. I've lost 100 pounds.
And I'm worthy of this great accomplishment!