I think I'm gonna make it...

Well, first, I wanna say, thanks, guys, for all your encouraging words. Thank you for every last word. Your encouragement has helped me flesh out the thoughts in my head about this whole marathon debacle.

I have to say it was terribly hard at first. When I wrote that last blog post, I was pretty devastated. I think I surprised myself at how much I was looking forward to that silly marathon. I say "silly" now. Now that I've been able to put it all into perspective.

There were so many hurdles to get past as the day of the marathon approached. I'd been planning things like what I'd eat the week before, when I'd start packing, what I'd take with me, and what to replenish with during the race. And I'd gotten just about everything ready to go. So I was in "go" mode. I think that's why it hit me so hard.

I have a follow up appointment with the doctor on Thursday to find out if it was anything more than tendinitis. I had it Xray'd.

I haven't been running and I miss it terribly! I feel like a lazy blob. I just felt so empowered when I was running. Now I just feel defeated. I feel like its going to be so easy to fall back into my lazy self--the one who was lazy and didn't exercise.

On the upside, I've been losing weight again. Week before last, I lost 2.4 lbs and this past week, I lost 1.4. Not bad! I think I'm getting my groove back.

I've been eating every 2-3 hours. And yummy, healthy stuff, too. I'll have a big bowl of bran flakes (or wheat flakes, or rice flakes, or corn flakes) with vanilla almond milk and I'll sprinkle in some chopped walnuts and a few dried cranberries.

Then for my morning snack, I'll have a banana or an apple. Then for lunch I'll have a half of a sandwich (usually a pb&j or a turkey w/lettuce & onions) and some sort of 100 calorie snack (Little Debbie has been making some yummy one's lately.

Then for my afternoon snack, I'll have a Chobani greek yogurt and before dinner I'll have an orange or an apple.

Then for dinner, I'll have something like a greek salad or steak kabobs, or a couple of home made tacos, or a Subway turkey sub, or a slice of cheese pizza, or a bowl of corn chowder (weight watchers recipe), or, well you get the idea. Then I'll have a snack about an hour after dinner, either a 100 calorie snack or a yogurt or a piece of fruit.

But here's my secret...

Wrigley's Extra Sugar Free Gum

I have a stick after lunch and another after dinner. And sometimes another one after my evening snack. I don't know what I'd do without it. Bob on the Biggest Loser says to chew it between means to curb your cravings. For me, though, I chew the spearmint (or winter blast, etc.) because it makes my mouth so minty so that I can't eat anything. It's not that I don't want to eat anything, it's that I can't because anything I put in my mouth would taste terribly minty. It's like trying to eat something right after you brush your teeth in the morning. I just tastes terrible. So far, so good, it's help me stay away from the snacking.

So anyways, I'm back at it. I'm now 2.6 lbs away from getting back down to my Weight Watchers' interim goal of 100 lbs. I hit the 100 lb mark last June. I'm hoping I can get back down there before June comes around again. I think I can do it!

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Horrible, horrible news...

Last weekend, during the last 5 miles of my 15-mile run, my right knee started hurting. It wasn't unbearable, just hurt a bit. I was able to finish, no problem. But it was sore as heck for the rest of the day. But by evening... all better!

All last week... no problem at all with the knee.

Yesterday, I got 3 miles into my last 15-mile run before the big marathon next Sunday and my knee starts hurting. So, not wanting to push it too hard, I started speed walking. It felt much better. After another couple of miles, it started hurting again. So I started walking at a regular pace. It got worse.

After 7 miles I had to call my husband to come pick me up because it was excruciating. I was limping like a cripple.

I went home, kicked my feet up and it got better. Just a slight twinge of pain. This morning, no pain at all.

I went to the doctor this afternoon, though, just to make sure it was okay and that I'd still be able to run the marathon next Sunday.

The doctor said no.

No running for two to three months.

(Pause while I wipe the tears away and compose myself.)



I ... can't ... run ... my ... marathon.



He sent me to get an X-ray done but he suspects I've torn a tendon or ligament. Either way, he said if I keep running on it, it'll only get worse.

I do not want it to get worse. I want to be able to run for the rest of my life.

I don't even know what to type next. I'm just so beside myself with sadness. I don't know how to type tears. I can't believe I can't run my marathon...

I asked him if I could see if I could switch to the half marathon and just walk it. I didn't figure they'd let me walk a full marathon, but maybe a half marathon. He said he'd rather me not push it but that decision was up to me.

I got to talking about it with my husband tonight and he's right, I won't be happy with walking a half marathon. I've already proven I can run the distance of a half marathon so walking it would only be like putting an ballerina on stage, starting the music, but telling her not to dance. What would be the point? So I walked a half marathon. I could do that any weekend.

The doctor said I pushed too hard too fast. I really did try to take it easy. I started out with only 4 miles at a time, then 6, then 8, then 10, etc. I had no intentions of ever running 26 miles before the marathon. I had hoped that the most I would run would be maybe 16 or 18 miles. And I only made it up to 15 miles. So I really didn't push too hard. And whenever I felt too tired or sore or over exerted, I'd stop running or I would take a rest for a while.

But what the doctor said made sense. He said, "first of all, you're not a spring chicken any more. You're over 40. Now, there are plenty of marathon runners over 40, but runners don't have that much weight on them." He said, "now, don't get me wrong, I know you've lost over a hundred pounds (which is commendable and I'm so proud of you for losing) and I know you're still trying to lose the last 20-30 pounds, but you still have those extra pounds hanging around that put extra stress on your body that healthy runners don't have."

He's right, you know. It makes total sense. I was always perplexed as to why I couldn't get my pace up any faster. I think I always knew but I just didn't want to admit it. It was the extra pounds that I have hanging around that are slowing me down. That, coupled with the fact that I've never run like this in my life. The last time I was "active" I was a teenager. And on top of that, I've only been running long distance since the beginning of December. Put all those things together and you get someone who isn't prepared for a marathon. And that's where I am right now.

I just don't know what to do now. As soon as I'm done typing this, I'm going to see if I can get a refund for the entry fee and cancel the hotel reservations. Its the last thing I want to do, but there's no sense wasting the money on something I KNOW I won't enjoy doing—walking, that is.

I asked the doctor if it was okay if I started running again in June, when the marathon training starts. He said definitely. June is perfect. He said to take it slow this time, though.

So, dear marathon, I'll race you one day, I promise I will, but it'll have to wait until my body is ready. Maybe next year.

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One week before my first ever marathon...

Weight Watcher's this morning was nice. We talked about the Wizard of Oz story and how each of us have it inside of us to succeed, we just have to realize we've got it. Hubby went with me, which is always great. And Jen was there too. Jen is the woman I replaced at the job I'm at now. She left work to have her 2nd child. That was 3 years ago. Just a few months later, I started Weight Watchers and she was there, too. So we've been WW buds just about ever since. She met her lifetime about a year and a half ago. She only had 50 lbs to lose—I say "only" because of my 130 lbs that I have to lose to reach goal.

Anyway, Jen had quit coming to WW for the past few months. I was afraid she would start gaining it back, so I called her out on Facebook. Publicly guilting her into coming back. It worked, and she started coming again. It ends up she has gained almost 20 lbs back since she reached goal. I had no idea it was that much! I'm so glad she's started coming back. I would hope that someone would do for me what I did for her if I ever started gaining my weight back again. Of course, I have to lose it first. :)

I tell you, I've been having SO much fun playing racquetball with my husband. I'm really quite bad at it, but considering I've only played it 3 times in my entire life (and those 3 times were last week), I think I'm doing pretty good. :]

Tomorrow morning, I'm going for another 15-mile run. I'll take the same route as last Sunday. It was beautiful! I've already loaded up on carbs so my energy should be good. Weather.com says its supposed to be in the low 40s but it will feel like the mid-30s. So I'll definitely dress warm and in layers. I won't forget my hat and gloves this time. Last week was brutal! I'll watch my water intake too so I don't have that painful final 5 miles again. Live and learn.

So my marathon is a week from tomorrow. I can't believe that this time next week I'll be sitting in a hotel room dreading the next morning. I would LOVE to finish in less than 6 hours so I can get a picture of me crossing the finish line, but I know that's unrealistic given my pace as of late. I just hope I can find the finish line once they tear it down after 6 hours.

I hope I get the marathon medal, too. It's a beautiful Olympic-type ribbon medal (artists drawing of the medal shown here). It says on their website that "all finishers will receive a commemorative medal". But I wonder if that means you have to finish before they tear down the finish line?

All these questions will be answered next Saturday when I check in and get my race packet and t-shirt.

So until then... Cara, stop stressing about things!!

Oh, and I lost 1.4 lbs at weigh in this morning!! Yay!!!

I've lost 1.4 lbs before SO many times. And I've lost these same 1.4 lbs SO many times before. I don't want to lose these same 1.4 lbs ever again. I'm so tired of losing these same 1.4 lbs. I've got to get that in my head and get focused. I'm so sick of losing and losing and still being 20-30 lbs away from goal. It's very tiring.

Oh, and one more thing... I won another case of Chobani yogurt. Can you believe that??!! I love LOVE Twitter!!

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Viola! She came back from the dissappearing act...

Wow, here I sit, 2 weeks since my last blog post.

Ugh.

I think I've been a little... well, maybe alot, apathetical lately. (Yes, I think I just made up that word.) I think, more than that, I've been stuck. Not just in my weight loss. In my life.

My work has been HORRENDOUSLY horrible lately, and each day it just seems to get worse. My department functions best with a 6-person team. It functions minimally with a 5-person team. We're now down to 3. The word "overworked" has taken on entirely new meanings for me lately. And the worst part is that it is effecting the rest of my life.

I actually yelled at my mother-in-law the other day. She's the absolute SWEETEST person and I totally snapped her head off.

I went to my boss the other day and told her I just can't take it any longer. I'm no quitting. I just told her that I simply can not go on like this any longer. Something has to change.

She's working on it.

But in the mean time, life is still rough for me. For all 3 of us in the department.

And I know this is effecting my weight loss. Heck, its effecting the rest of my life, why not weight loss too. Three weeks ago I gained 3 pounds. Two weeks ago I lost 2/10ths. And last week I gained 2/10ths. I know its the stress.

I've been taking strides to try and combat it and I'm hoping it's helping.

Like, for example, I did something last night I've never done in my life before... I played racquetball. That's not me in the picture, but I'm sure I had a few moves like that last night. WHAT a BLAST!!

We're going again tonight. Hubby used to be an avid racquetball player. So now I'm learning. And what a workout!! I'm sore in places I haven't been sore in in many many years. The weird thing is I'm sore in my gluteus maximus.

What a mental break, too. I had SO much fun!!! Can't wait to go back there again!

Oh, and guess what else I've been up to?

15 miles!

I ran 15 straight miles this past Sunday!

The marathon is 11 days. Yikes!!! So be thinking about me on Valentine's day. I'll be the one huffing and puffing their way to the finish line.

I'm sure I won't finish in under 7 hours. Can you imagine running for 7 hours straight?? I can't. I can't even imagine what my body is going to do after 7 hours of straight running. Kinda scary to think about.

But I'm totally looking forward to it.

Oh, by the way, thanks Blueraspberry for emailing me with your concerns. It got me motivated to blog again. I just love you guys. You keep me on the straight and narrow. I tell you, blogging is the absolute BEST!! Don't you agree??

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