Okay, so maybe this "break" think wasn't such a good idea.
I think I might have fallen back into my old eating habits.
The other day, I snuck a piece of cake. No one knew I bought it or ate it. I disposed of all evidence... including the receipt. I even buried the container it came in at the bottom of the trash bag. This is something I used to do very frequently "when I was fat".
I've also been having monster size cravings. I know that was one of the hardest things for me when I first started losing weight. I would sit there all day long and dream of all the food I couldn't eat. The problem is, I've been eating that food lately, though in moderation, but I'm thinking now I should be. It seems that if I eat whatever I want to, even in moderation, it's only going to lead to wanting to eat more.
Whenever there's a lull in my day, instead of daydreaming about things I want to do or places I want to go or accomplishments I want to happen, I start really visualizing all the cakes and pies and cookies and pastries and donuts and candies. With vivid detail. Enough so that I can even smell them.
So I'm thinking that this is going to take me a bit longer to come back to my proper eating habits. It's also made me think... I always thought that one day, after I'd reached goal and had my weight under control, I'd be able to return to the foods I used to eat, but just eat them in smaller quantities, reasonable quantities. Now, I'm not sure that's going to happen. I don't want to have to fight these urges for the rest of my life.
I think I'm going to have to stick to indulging "on occasion" and definitely not with any regularity. Ever!
But you know what, I think I'm okay with that. Sure, I'm sure I'll still think about and dream about all the yummies that I can't have, but I think it's a fair trade. I mean, what's the alternative?
Eat what I want, whether it's large or small portions, and continue to gain all my weight back?
Or eat what I want on occasion and keep the weight off.
I think I'd much rather choose the latter. I don't ever want to be fat again!!! Never!!!
So now I just need to change my mindset back to focusing in on eating healthy and staying thin (or rather, getting down to thin, I'm still in the "overweight" category right now).
Get focused back on my overall goals and be happy with the process along the way.
Man, this is so hard.