Saturday, January 16, 2010

Where would I be without you...

Wow, what a week!!

I'll start off by saying... I think I ate EVERYTHING that came with in a 2 block radius of my mouth.

And secondly I want to say... I gained 3.4 lbs.

Hmm, I wonder how those 2 sentences relate? I wonder!

Am I surprised that I gained 3.4 lbs?? ... NOT ... AT ... ALL. I wholeheartedly earned every ounce of that gain. And actually, I think I really needed it. I think I get this way every few months where I just take one week and throw caution to the wind and eat like I used to eat when I was 275+ lbs.

Am I proud of it? No, not at all. I'm not ashamed of it, though, because it is what it is. I did the proverbial "facing the music" this morning (where the heck did that saying come from I've always wondered).

Now I've gotten it out of my system and I'm ready to get my head back in the game. I think its just because I've eaten all of the food that normally haunts me and so I have no desire to eat it again. Almost like, "well, I did that so I don't want to do it again" at least not any time soon. I'm sure I'll have another week like that in the months to come, but it won't be any time soon.

You know I was re-reading your comments from my last post and I think you guys might be on to something. I think Jinxxxygirl might be partly right saying that I can live with the weight that I am now. I can. I mean, when I look at myself in the mirror, I see a healthy, normal looking woman. I don't see myself as overweight, although technically I am. I need to drop another 20 lbs before I won't be considered overweight by most doctors' and dietitians' standards. But I am happy with the way I look. Although, that being said, I'm still disgusted by the fat rolls that are still hanging around my middle section, that's for sure. I'm not in any way, shape or form happy at all with those.

And Brooke, I never really thought of it that way, but there is a fine line between contentment and complacency. I'm not at all content with my current weight or body image, but I'm very complacent with my weight loss efforts. I do need to find a bigger distinction between the two. I'm so focused on the scale, too, but I'm not entirely certain I want to break that dependency.

That being said...

Gina, you're brilliant. Why didn't I think of that. I've already been able to break my scale addiction at home—I don't weigh myself on the scale every day. In fact, I will only weigh myself at home on Saturday mornings before I go to weigh in. But what if I didn't do that. And what if I did ask Barb, the WW secretary, to not give any indication as to whether I gained or loss and I just didn't look at the results. I wonder if that might help me stay more focused. Gina, I think you're onto something. If I didn't find out if I gained or lost then I wouldn't know if I had any "splurge" room and I might be more apt to stay on track and not indulge or splurge like I normally do when I've found out that I lost.

And Donna B, you're right, I do need to have more faith in myself. I'm stronger than I give myself credit for being. And Kelly!, you know, I do need to get my mindset off of me "being stuck" at this weight. I know the mind is a very powerful weapon. If I can change my mindset to how far I've come, which I have a tendency to take for granted SO much, and get back to thinking that I'm still headed in the right direction, maybe that'll help me stay sane through this process.

So, Screwdestiny and Miz and blueraspberry and MaryFran I just need to buckle down, stay focused and make the right choices TODAY. And restart my focus each morning and keep going in the right direction.

I'm not going to focus on where I'm not.

I'm not going to focus on how far I haven't come.

I'm not going to focus on where I wish I was.

I'm going to focus on where I am now, how far I've come and rest peaceful in the fact that I am still headed in the right direction and I will make my goal. I can do it. I will do it.

Thanks everyone. You guys always keep me going. What would I do without you??

Oh wait, I know... back up to 275 pounds.



spunkysuzi said...

Wow getting weighed in and not knowing may just be the thing that might work. That would be a hard thing to do for me!
And you are definitely a strong person and look how far you've come already!! Hope you have a great week this week

screwdestiny said...

Yup, focusing on the positive is always the way to go. :) Good luck this week!