Monday, September 1, 2008

and the journey continues...

Well, I went biking this morning.

I can't believe I actually did it because today is a holiday and all. But I did. I told myself I was going to start biking on Monday, though when I told myself this, I forgot today was a holiday. Ugh. But I kept my word to myself. And boy was it rough!


It's been 2 weeks without serious exercise and my body was screaming at me. Sure, I walked a bunch when I was up in WV and I did walk once last week, but walking for me just doesn't count as serious exercise any more. I'll only burn 200-300 calories when I walk for an hour. That's kind of cool saying that, you know? I mean, a year ago, walking for an hour would kick my butt! I've really come a long way.

I still can't believe I've lost almost 90 pounds. I was only 2/10ths of a pound away from 90 pounds on my last weigh in, but this past weigh in put me 8/10ths of a pound away. Still, I'm getting close.

Bad news is that I'm up 5 pounds since weigh in.

I totally cheated yesterday. I can't believe I did that. That's the first time in a long time that I completely let it go all day. For breakfast, I had scrambled eggs (egg beaters) with cheddar cheese, 2 real sausage patties, "home fries" (new potatoes with onions and green peppers) and toast with real butter and real jelly. Then for a snack, I had about 10 or 12 Oreo cookies with a very tall glass of Reduced Fat milk. No, I get no brownie points for the reduced fat milk... it was a splurge. I haven't had reduced fat milk in over a year. It's the closest thing to real milk and it was so yummy and creamy. Then for dinner I had 4 slices of Pizza Hut Supreme pizza on thin and crispy crust and two slices of buttery garlic bread with extra mozzarella cheese gobbed on.

Oh, and did I mention that the night before (Sat night) had another big bowl of Oreo's with milk and then had probably two cups of "light" ice cream (which wasn't very light) topped with crumbled Oreo cookies (probably about 6 or 7 of them). It was an Oreo weekend. I haven't had an Oreo since before I started WW. I don't usually crave sweets, but I had a bad craving for Oreo's Saturday afternoon.

They're all gone now. Thank goodness!! Milk's gone, too.

I just wonder how many times I'm going to continue to sabotage myself?? I have the best of plans to stay on plan and eat healthy and be good but then it's like I completely lose my mind and can't stop eating whatever is in front of me or whatever kind of food pops into my head. Like those Oreo's... I didn't want to go out to the store to get them so when daughter called to say she was coming home from work, I asked her to get them for me. I shouldn't have done that.

I just get the thought of bad food in my head and then I can't stop until I've eaten it. The same thing happened with Pizza Hut... we got some coupons in the mail yesterday and it put that thought in my head and I couldn't stop thinking about it.

It's so hard to resist food when it means so much to me. I've had a lifetime of indulging and over eating and gorging myself until I am completely satisfied. That's a long time to build up a bad habit and then it's only been 16 months since I've been on WW so that's a short time to expect the habit to be broken. I'm sure I'll have to battle this for the rest of my life. It's bad. But that's what I've signed up for. If I want to be happy and healthy, I'll have to battle the food demons for as long as they'll stick around. It'll continue to be hard, but I just have to resign myself to that fact and push through.

Blogging helps me so much to get through this, you know? It helps me to put my thoughts out there and see them and then they become real and I can deal with them. And then the community of people who are so darn supportive is just amazing. I hear them say how I've helped them to overcome this or that or just helped them make the journey a little easier to get through, but it's really you guys who are helping me. I couldn't make it through this horrible journey without my blog and my blog-buddies. I know it. I know I would have given up a long time ago. Like I'd done so many times before on all the other diets I'd tried and failed at.

So here's to us.. Blogger. Thank you for helping me through this. Thank you for being there for me. And we'll keep trugging through this together and help each other through this. We will prevail.

Now... how do you lose 5 pounds in 5 days??? Stay tuned... I'm gonna do it!

Challenge Update! - Week Seven (updates in bold below)
"18 Pounds in 18 Weeks"

Bento Box Diet (sat WI) - gained 3 pounds las week

Katschi (tues WI) - lost 1.2 pounds last week

MaryFran (tues WI) - gained 5 pounds last week (I hated to type that in here, I'm so sorry, MaryFran)

(mon WI) - lost 4.4 pounds last week

Donna (mon WI) - lost .4 pounds last week

Spunkysuzi (sun WI) - Lost 1.4 pounds!!!

(fri WI) - Lost 6/10ths of a pound! Way to go!


spunkysuzi said...

Oh that is so me!! I do really well and see a nice loss then i eat way off of my plan ;( Only to gain it back.
Well i've decided that september is the month that i become totally serious and hunker down with my plan. We'll see how it goes!

Jenn said...

Cara, don't feel bad. I think it's natural to just want to let go for a while after being in control for so long. You basically just needed a little break to have fun with food. It's happened to me too! What's different about you now, than before you joined WW, is that you realize what's going on and you can put the breaks on, turn around, and get back on that freeway to get to where you want to be. You just had to exit for a little rest. It's okay. Remember what The Duchess (Fergie) said, "You are only 1 meal away from being back on the plan". So make your next food decision the right one, so you can get back on track. Don't let this pit stop detour you completely from your journey. Thank you for being so honest about your struggles. It helps us all to hear we are not the only ones! See you Saturday!

Deborah said...

Oreos? What do they taste like? I've forgotten. And real milk? That would be a treat for me too. Glad I only buy it when your sister comes to visit and she drinks it all before she leaves.

Hang in there baby girl. Hunker down and get back at it for Mom. I want to see that 100 off by Thanksgiving.

Karyn said...

Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and get back on the road to better health and smaller sizes.

I know you can make your goal by TG! We're all cheering you on!

My WI report is UP 2/10ths. (Not bad considering TOM decided to show up after I don't know how long it has been) Having a problem getting all my water in all of a sudden, but no major eating problems.

I'm sure you will have a terrific week - especially since you started out on the bike!

Donna B said...

Keep up the good work. Can understand completely about the OREOS, that is why I cna't even think about certain foods anymore! Can't remember the last time I bought a half gallon of ice cream, I only buy dixie cups now and eat 1 (100 cal) at a sitting. You look fabulous! You inspired me to buy a bike and start riding one, since I love biking! Thanks!

Charlotte said...

Hey Cara - I wanted to leave you a quick comment on what works really well for me. There is nothing to feel bad / guilty about - it happens. But to keep it happening often, I really try to remember how I felt after splurging - because usually it's not that good. (I usually have heartburn / feel very uncomforable / etc.) And that's a good motivation for me not to do it again for awhile...

~Crystal said...

Hang in've done AWESOME so far and this is only one little set back...more like a lesson learned. I'm sure it won't happen again since you now know how it makes you feel. It takes a long time to break the old habits. Like I say, it took me 34 years to get here and it certainly isn't gonna reverse itself overnight. This is a lifelong that we WILL win!!