Thursday, January 1, 2009

I think I'm headed for a train wreck...

I finally upgraded my blog design. I got a hint from SpunkySuzi's blog. I've always enjoy her backgrounds. So I went to the website she told me about and found out just how easy it is to add a different background. So I created my own custom designed background and used their code to get it posted on my blog. I even figured out how to change my font colors and divider lines and everything.


But then I had to do a very sad thing...

I change my ScaleJunkie badge (to the right) from "95 pounds lost" back down to "85 pounds lost". :,,[ sniff sniff

I was so proud of that 95 pound badge! Back in October, I dipped below 95 pounds but I didn't have the heart to change it because I knew I'd be back up above 95 pounds in no time. Well, it took me a month or better to get back above 95 pounds, but I did it. But now, I'm all the way below 90 (87.4 to be exact). So I thought it was time to face the music and switch it out.

It's a depressing time, but I have to be honest with myself and confront my weight gain. I'm the type of person who's always "glass half full". Actually, my glass is always most of the way full, no matter what's going on. But it's time I look at the glass realistically so I can access what's going on in my head and get back to losing.

I thought I was doing good since last Saturday's huge weigh-in debacle of gaining 8.4 pounds in one week! Actually, I was doing good. I was down 3 pounds!

Well, until I weighed myself this morning. I'm back up again. Gained 3 pounds in one day. Ugh!

Cara, what are you doing!??!!

I was so dedicated and determined. I wasn't really sacrificing or depriving myself. I really WANTED to eat healthy and on plan. And I was even exercising and giving it extra effort. Then we got paid yesterday and the flood gates broke loose!

For lunch, I had 9 pieces of sushi (crab, cream cheese and avocado with brown rice) and 7 steamed dumplings. All-in-all, sushi and dumplings are actually healthy for you and low in points. But not when you eat as many as I ate! I ate until I was stuffed! Pegged the Momentum™ hunger scale all the way up to 5+!

Then for dinner, of course we went out, it's pay day! Went to Chili's because of their Guiltless Grill menu. I ordered the grilled salmon with steamed broccoli and black beans. Not a bad selection. According to their menu (which I've been told is NOT entirely accurate) it was a 10 points. I actually was already over by 1.5 points for the day (before I started dinner) but I had to eat, right?

But we ordered chips and salsa before the meal. Why? Who knows. Neither of us were particularly hungry. We could have waited for our meals. But alas, we pigged out on the HUGE bowl of chips and two cups of salsa.

Needless to say, by the end of my meal, I'd pegged the huger meter all the way up past 5 again!

Again, the food I ate wasn't bad for me. But the quantity was HORRIBLE!

Then (and there's always a then), when we got home, I made chocolate pretzels (dark chocolate kiss melted between two Snyder's Butter Snaps). And I think I at about 20 or 30 of them (finished the rest of them off this morning).

I have no self control!

Why am I continually sabotaging myself.

It's almost like... Okay, Cara, you've flubbed up this past year, lets see how badly you can flub up next year!


And I know what I'm doing, too. I'm not proud of it, but I know exactly when I'm doing it that it's wrong and will make me gain! But I continue to do it anyway.

I don't want to eat anything else that's bad for me, or rather too much for me. I really want to start losing again!

My skinny jeans are getting tight on my. No, I take that back, they're not GETTING tight on me, they ARE tight on me.


Somebody stop me!!!



Katschi (Karen) said...

What happened to Eating Clean? I thought you were giving that a go?
And having success!
Or have I got you mixed up with someone else?

Anonymous said...

Hang in there. Perseverence. This is where you get the huge victory for holding on. You are not train wreck. You are an awesome woman and you are going to keep 85 off and then keep losing. You can do it. I have had a horrible time lately, but I was able to start crawling, then stumbling, then walking, and now I am running. You are not headed for a train wreck. this is just a hiccup. good job

MizFit said...

reaching out to lend a hand.
you arent a wreck BECAUSE you did this post. you are stepping back and HOLDING ON and looking for your new path.

please let me know if I can help.


SeaShore said...

Just keep trying, one day, one meal at a time. You will get back to where you want to be.

Deborah said...

You made Mommy tear up. I am so sorry you are so upset with yourself.

Now...STOP! Forget the past couple of weeks! Start fresh tomorrow and (just maybe) quit going out to eat. It seems it's just too tempting for you to eat incorrectly when eating out. I know it is for me when I eat out. So give it a try. Or at least make it a once a month treat, and only for one meal, not two.

Remember you are an inspiration for me. If it weren't for you and you alone I wouldn't be on this journey at all.

Remember when we first started that you seemed to stall until I caught up with you? Maybe that's what's happening now. I think we are about at the same point so it's time for you to kick back in and beat me.

spunkysuzi said...

First i'm glad my hints helped you with the blog!! It looks great :)
Second i know it's sooo hard at this time of year and sometimes it's so hard to stop when you start sliding away from where you want to be. But i know you can do it!! You have a lot of support here and anytime you want to vent or just scream at someone feel free to e-mail me :) I don't mind and i've been there and done that!!

Getting Healthy said...

Stop that train. You have done so great it is very inspiring! What ever is causing the change in attitude or motivation kick it to the curb. Cause you can obviously do it, you have. I am sure this will pass and you will be back on track.

Lake Mary WWLeader said...

Love the new look of your blog! You have done an awesome job working the program and you are truly an inspiration to others in our meeting room. Remember the china dish analogy. Don't break any more of the set of dishes, just ease yourself back into eating only until you are satisfied and then stop! You can do this and continued success is as close as one meal away. Hold on to your Winning Outcomes and ease back on the train throttle. See you at our meeting Saturday.

Anonymous said...

Sounds like you have a lot of good advice already, Cara. Just wanted to say, I am in a similar place, although the time period has been longer (lost 100, back to losing 90-94.) Periodically that really bothered me. But I stepped back, and said, I am still in a much better place. And I want to keep eating healthily and fueling my body for the long term.

So, maybe think about some of the great new foods you love. Fill your house with them. Allow yourself to eat as much of these new foods as you want--usually they are very filling and satisfying so you are not as prone to overeat them. I guess its eating clean. But I make sure they are foods I love and look forward to eating.

As my friend Linda said, NEVER GIVE UP.

Shelley said...

Everyone has made such good comments - I can only add that I've enjoyed reading your blog (love the new look, btw) and I'm pulling for you to get out of this spiral. Hang in there, Cara!

MaryFran said... DO have self control and it's still with you. Sit back, think about how bad you feel when you stray from what you KNOW is right and healthy for you! The fact that you wrote this post tells me that all is not lost and that every ingredient needed for your success is still within you!

I know how frustrated you feel, if you've read my posts in the last few weeks you will see just how well I can identify with you. Take it one step at a time, and do not focus on the negative of your little slide, look to the future! You can do it!!!!!

If there is anything I can do...please let me know!

Boss Mama said...

I really love your blog and its design. Can you tell me where to find blog templates? Thank you and best of luck!

ben's mom said...

85 pounds is AMAZING. You'll be back at 95 before you know it. Hang on.

Karyn said...

Great new look!

Changing your 95 lb bling for 85 pounds must have been disappointing, but girl....look at that photo on your sidebar!!!!

Do you see where you have come from? You are a LONG way from there!!!!

Forgive yourself for this time of (as you call it) sabatoge...pick yourself up, re evaluate your plan, decide you are in this for life, and continue on down the track. You haven't wrecked, you've just gotten sidetracked for a short while.

2009 will be YOUR year!! I believe it!

mzrichee said...

i don't usually comment, but i just felt like i should this time after reading your post. really, just hang in there. you've come a long way with 85lbs. like run4change said... perseverance. you'll pull through and reach your goal. it's tough at times and we all fall off our wagon every now and then, but we get back on it somehow again. good luck, i know you'll pull through! :)