Thursday, May 27, 2010

I've been hiding in a corner...

Blue, when you're right you're right. Was I on vacation? Nope, I was cowering in the corner beating myself up.

Can you believe that? Just a few weeks ago, I was on top of my game. On top of my world. Three years of total dedication to my weight loss and three weeks later I feel like a total failure.

I've been eating and eating and eating. I just can't stop. I'm not even hungry most times, I just feel the urge to eat. And then I wonder...

Why can't I get these last few pounds off?

Well, I'll tell you why. I have been doing some deep soul searching lately and I've come to some conclusions.

#1. I love food.

I have a passionate love affair with food. Any kind of food. My favorite, of course, are the baked kind. The sweet, sweet baked kind. But I can't limit my love affair to the sweets. No, I'm an equal opportunity food lover. I LOVE a great cheese burger. And I'm all over the cheese fries. Yup, I'm desperately in LOVE with food.

I kept thinking that one day I'd grow strong enough to over come this love and keep the food demons at bay. But I'm coming to the realization that THAT just isn't going to happen. So what I've got to do is coexist with my obsession with all things edible. I need to embrace it and recognize it for what it is and learn to live with it.

#2. If I really wanted to lose these last few pounds, I'd get off my lazy butt and do something about it. Uh hem. Which translates into... exercise!

Walking is great exercise. Tremendous exercise. It's helped me lose the 100+ pounds that I've lost so far. And walking is awesome for maintaining a healthy lifestyle. But I have to be honest with myself and say that walking--alone--isn't going to help me shed these extra few pounds. I need real exercise.

So somewhere I need to come up with the motivation to kick it in gear and commit to regular, hard exercise. I mean, I don't have to go crazy about the whole thing. Just regular calisthenics you know, would do the trick. Jumping jacks. Sit ups. Speed walking. Push ups. Lunges. Etc., etc.

I have all the resources I need. I've got ExerciseTV on demand. I've got DVDs out the wazoo. I've got several books (one of which is the Biggest Loser exercise plan). I'm equipped. I just need to do it.

So hear I go, crawling out of my corner of shame. Climbing up to my feet and taking that first step...

P.S. Thanks, BlueRaspberry for the email encouragement. You're always there when I need you. Love you!!



Fanchy said...

I am right there with you! I made lifetime over a year ago and have slowly crept back up to now 35 lbs over where I'd like to be. I appreciate your honesty and openness to share - I, too, have that wretched affair with food. Thanks for the encouragement to step out of the corner into the light.

Keep up the awesome work and recognize how far you have become. YOU CAN DO THIS!

Miz said...

xo xo

the first step is the most important as there are so many of us out here ready and willing to rise up to meet you.


Blue~ said...

You are so welcome -- I know you will be there doing the same for me one day :)


Anonymous said...

You are my inspiration and what you posted about eating Just Because is what I am doing now too.

I guess its time to get real for me too!!!

Keep posting daily and do share some of your daily menues that help you lose so much on WW PlEEEAASE!!!

~Tammy said...

I've been a reader of your blog for a while, but always at work where the firewalls will not let me comment.

Your entry today breaks my heart.

You have come a long way and that is awesome. You a few extra pounds to get to goal. You sell yourself short when you negative talk yourself. I do it too, but to see it someone else it's just heartbreaking.

Have you tried weight training at all to kickstart your metabolism. Even a light training program 3x per week will do wonders.

You're a great inspiration! No more corner crawling.

Take care!

Mad Woman said...

Nobody puts Cara in a corner!

Hehehe. Sorry, you left that one wide open for a Dirty Dancing paraphrasing.

Stay out of the corner though, seriously. You have made such HUGE progress. You CAN do this. You CAN lose those last few pounds and reach that final goal.

You're a huge inspiration to me and to many others. Keep it up!

Tummy Tuck said...

We all fall off the wagon :) Don't worry about it. Forgive yourself and move on :)