Saturday, April 4, 2009

Accepting my body image...

Well, I lost 2 pounds this week. After gaining 2.6 pounds last week, at least I'm headed in the right direction again. Yea!

I've really been trying to focus in on me and not on how much I weigh or how much I gain or lose this week. I stood in the mirror yesterday looking at how slim I look. I don't do that very often. I mostly see so much fluff bulging out on the sides that I just won't allow myself to see that I'm really not all that fat. I mean compared to when I started WW almost 2 years ago when I weighed 265 pounds, I think I look pretty darn good.

I get uncomfortable, though, seeing myself as slim. I'm afraid that I'll become happy with it and not be motivated to keep losing. I mean, so many people tell me that I look great and that I don't need to lose any more weight. When I tell them I have 30-40 pounds to go, they usually say "WHAT!!??" and then say something like 'there's no way you need to lose that much weight'. Okay, that's a huge compliment, I have to see that and admit that to myself and take it and own it. But, secondly, I don't want to listen to it and own it too much because I know me. I know I take what people say to heart and I start believing it after a while. So if I start believing that I don't need to lose any more, then I won't be motivated to stay on plan.

It's quite a predicament!

I do want to embrace my new body image and be proud of it. I am. I do want to embrace and relish in the compliments. I deserve them. But how do I combine that with the attitude that I need to have to continue to lose? I need to continue to see that I have extra weight on my body that needs to come off. How can you look at that and be proud of it and still want it gone all at the same time? It's like a constant struggle. Who needs that? Is it even healthy? It's like a constant self-induced struggle.

I'm not sure how to balance it. I just keep going back and forth. I look good. I need to lose more weight. I am slim. I still have fluff that needs to come off. Etc., etc.



Carol said...

Just consider yourself a "work in progress". Of course, the reality is that the progress never ends because maintenance is a lot of work too. But I think it's important to stop and get to know the "new you". You've made huge improvements to your body and health. You do need to rejoice in that! Also, make sure your goal weight is realistic for you. I read somewhere not to take off more weight than I'm willing to work to maintain. So even though I wished I weighed less, I'm about at what I am willing to maintain. Sometimes I think the body needs a rest from weight loss too. I know even after I finished losing, it seemed like things "shuffled around" a bit. As far as the comments other people say, accept them as flattery for your new appearance but realize they are comparing you to your old body. When they say you are too thin, or would be too thin, it's all relative. If it's a healthy weight zone for you and you want to get there, then go for it. Either way, it's a win-win because you have changed your life!!

Dutch said...

Way to go on the 2 lbs loss. I know what you mean about when people say how good you look. I have lost 42 lbs so far and I know I need to lose another 100. It is hard for me sometimes when my hubby or friends say I look great since losing the weight. I don't feel that I lost that much to notice so it feels funny when other people notice it. Have a great weekend.

jinxxxygirl said...

I completely understand you on this post. I have felt the same way many times. And i do know it can go to my head and make me let my guard down. I tell people i at least want to lose 20 more pounds and they are like 'from where?' My husband tells me i look great just as i am. Actually he says 'gorgeous' :) But its all about me, this time. I"M not happy. And if 'momma' ain't happy no body better be happy. LOL!I'am pleased when i look in the mirror but i still want more. It really is a balancing act to acknowledge our accomplishment thus far but still keep the motivation revved when everyone around you tells you , you've done enough. We'll muddle our way through it and figure it out. I want the jelly roll GONE! Or as small as i can make it. The next 20 pounds better come off EXACTLY where i want it!LOL! JINX!

David Showers said...

You are so strong. Sometimes I think you just forget that.

I love you!

SeaShore said...

Congrats on the 2 lb loss.

Carol said pretty much what I was thinking. People are comparing current you to former you. Way back when they couldn't imagine you slimmer. Now telling them you'll be even more slim is just taxing their imaginations!

I would add this: why tell them at all that you're planning to lose more? Why not just say "thank you" and leave it at that? Your choices are your own and you owe no one else any explanations!

Lake Mary WWLeader said...

Congratulations on your 2 pound weight loss. I am sorry that I was not there to celebrate it with you and hubby, but I hope that we can celebrate even more good news together next Saturday. Just keep in mind that compliments are sincere and that you can accept them and still lose more weight. Keep focused on your "Winning Outcomes" and you will get to that final goal weight that you desire!

MaryFran said...

Way to go on the loss.

I know exactly what you mean about your struggles. I have the same issues. The only thing I can say is go with the flow. :-)

JC said...

I so understand. I have another 80 lbs to lose and just realized last week that I'm really not as big as I see myself. I don't want to get too comfortable now for fear I will not get the rest off. Great post. Thanks for sharing.