Well, I lost 2 pounds this week. After gaining 2.6 pounds last week, at least I'm headed in the right direction again. Yea!
I've really been trying to focus in on me and not on how much I weigh or how much I gain or lose this week. I stood in the mirror yesterday looking at how slim I look. I don't do that very often. I mostly see so much fluff bulging out on the sides that I just won't allow myself to see that I'm really not all that fat. I mean compared to when I started WW almost 2 years ago when I weighed 265 pounds, I think I look pretty darn good.
I get uncomfortable, though, seeing myself as slim. I'm afraid that I'll become happy with it and not be motivated to keep losing. I mean, so many people tell me that I look great and that I don't need to lose any more weight. When I tell them I have 30-40 pounds to go, they usually say "WHAT!!??" and then say something like 'there's no way you need to lose that much weight'. Okay, that's a huge compliment, I have to see that and admit that to myself and take it and own it. But, secondly, I don't want to listen to it and own it too much because I know me. I know I take what people say to heart and I start believing it after a while. So if I start believing that I don't need to lose any more, then I won't be motivated to stay on plan.
It's quite a predicament!
I do want to embrace my new body image and be proud of it. I am. I do want to embrace and relish in the compliments. I deserve them. But how do I combine that with the attitude that I need to have to continue to lose? I need to continue to see that I have extra weight on my body that needs to come off. How can you look at that and be proud of it and still want it gone all at the same time? It's like a constant struggle. Who needs that? Is it even healthy? It's like a constant self-induced struggle.
I'm not sure how to balance it. I just keep going back and forth. I look good. I need to lose more weight. I am slim. I still have fluff that needs to come off. Etc., etc.