Giveaway: Yoplait YoPlus Gift Pack...

Okay, so who likes yogurt?

I know do. Especially greek yogurt. I've recently become addicted to it. So rich and creamy. Mmmm.

Recently I was contacted by Yoplait (and MyBlogSpark) to try their new flavors of Yoplait YoPlus yogurt. (Not exactly greek yogurt, but yogurt nonetheless.) They sent me a coupon to try it for free and also a "better for you" gift pack.

The gift pack had a lunch sectioned container and a lid that had utensils in it, a canvas-type insulated lunch bag, and a cool pedometer. The coolest part is that they have offered to send another "better for you" gift pack to one of my blog followers (which includes a coupon for a free 4-pack of YoPlus yogurt). So I've decided to have a contest to give it away. The details of the contest are below. Here's a picture of the package:

Yoplait YoPlus yogurt now provides three important health benefits in each 4 oz. cup:

• Antioxidant vitamins A and E (now with 20% of your recommended daily value)
• A blend of probiotic cultures & fiber (3 grams of fiber per 4-ounce serving) for digestive health
• Calcium and vitamin D for bone health

I bought one of their new flavors—Blackberry Pomegranate. Was very good. I was surprised at how good it tasted, actually. It reminded me of a sweet blackberry custard. I couldn't taste the pomegranate seeds in there, but it had a hint of pom flavor in it.

Each 4 oz container was only 2 points. It had 3 grams of fiber and 4 grams of protein, so it made a wonderful afternoon snack. It tied me over quite well 'til dinner.

Okay, so here's all you have to do to enter the giveaway. Just leave me a comment on this post telling me what you're favorite healthy afternoon snack is. What ties you over until dinner?

You can also enter by Tweeting your answer. Just use the hashtag of #yoplaitgiveaway. My Twitter name is @mag_maker if you want to follow me.

I'll pick one winner at random using random.org. The contest ends on Friday, Good Friday, the 2nd at 10pm.

Until the winner is announced, here's a coupon for you to save $1.00 on one package of Yoplait YoPlus yogurt.

Good luck.

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I refuse to accept a gain this week...

I really can't believe I gained 8/10ths of a pound this week. I mean, what the heck?!

I did good all week and I mean ALL week. According to my scales at home, I lost 2/10ths so at WW I should have, at the very least, broken even. But to gain almost a whole pound. I refuse to accept that!

Now, I'm not saying that the WW scales are messed up. In fact, I bank on the fact that of all the scales on this planet, WW scales should be the most accurately functioning. I depend on that every week. So I believe they are accurate.

So what am I saying then? Am I saying there's something wrong with my scales at home? Possibly. But I don't want to think that. I want to think that my scales at home do fluctuate from time to time. I mean, I bought them on sale like 10 years ago at KMart, so at some point they're going to be letting me down. But I don't want to believe that. They've been so consistent for me over these past few months.

So then if it's not the WW scale and it's not my scales at home, what am I trying to say?

Well, here's my best explanation. Something drastically went wrong between the time I weighed myself at home this morning and when I weighed in at WW.

Something altogether unexplainable. Something from another dimension. Something so strange that I don't think even the best CSI and NCS investigators could solve.

What happened was this... I all of the sudden bloated between 8:30 and 8:45 this morning. That's my explanation. That's what must have happened.

It's really my only explanation because there is no way I am accepting this gain.

I reject it. It did not happen. In the immortal words of Derek Zoolander's father "it's dead to me".

So, now that I have that off my chest, how did you guys do this week? I'm pulling for you, so let me know how you did.

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Very slow weight loss...

You know, I have had the slowest weight loss for someone who has never missed a Weight Watchers meeting in almost 3 years and has never stopped one day from counting my points and working the plan. I've weighed in EVERY Saturday since May 12, 2007—EVERY SATURDAY.

And look at this. It's my weight loss chart from day one:

• My average weight loss has be 7/10ths of a pound each week. Not bad.

• I started at 265.2 lbs and I'm now down to 163.2 lbs.

• I've lost a total of 102 lbs.

Here's the sad info (well, sad for me):

• From May 12, 2007 to Dec. 20, 2009 I lost a total of 97.4 lbs with an average loss of 1.2 lbs each week. 19 months, not bad, right?
  

• Then from Dec. 20, 2009 to present day, I've only lost a total of 6.4 lbs with an average loss of .1 lbs each week.
  

Look at this plateau—a plateau I basically maintained for 15 months:

See how many ups and downs there were? The gray line going horizontal across the center of the chart is the 175 lb mark. So even though I reached my 100 lb goal in May of 2009, look how much I went back up and down. I'll bet I lost 50 lbs (and gained 50 lbs) over the past 15 months. All the while, never missing a Saturday morning weigh in or meeting.

Crazy!!

I mean, I've heard of people having plateaus for a short period of time. A few weeks or maybe a month or two at the most. But never for 15 months!! And I've heard of people not following their plan or "kinda" following their plan and having stats like this.

But me? I've been on plan the whole time. What the heck?!

I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm ecstatic at my losses recently and I know I'm heading down the right path now to make these pounds stay off for good, instead of gaining them back like I've done over the past couple of years, but doesn't this sound a little crazy?

Who in their right mind would keep going this long, day in, day out, non-stop every week?

The truth be told, I've learned a lot about myself over these 15 months. Sometimes I thought I had myself figured out. Each time, I learned something valuable about me. Its been a long process and one I would never want to do again nor would I want to recommend to anyone, but this process has brought me to where I am today. I can look back at every loss and every gain and say "I've overcome".

I'm not at goal, yet. I'm only 8.2 lbs away from my Weight Watchers goal. And 23.2 lbs away from my ultimate goal. I sure hope it doesn't take me another 15 months to lose these last 8 lbs.

Who knows. All I know is that I will make goal one day. I am sure of that. In the mean time, one day at a time, one week at a time, one step at a time.

P.S. The twitter guy hasn't bugged me any more. Whew! He's probably off terrorizing someone else by now. My boss hasn't said anything about any phone calls to the owner either.

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Transparency shouldn't come with a price...

I can't remember the last time I blogged twice in one day. But this one was important to me.

I had something happen this week that's shook me up a bit.

Before I get into it, I want to explain what I mean by "transparency". In my weight loss journey, I've learned that it helps me, and the people going along the journey with me, if I'm as honest and open as possible. It helps me learn things about myself and it helps others identify with my journey so they can grow in theirs. I can't tell you how many times I've heard "that really inspired me" or "thanks for being so vulnerable, I can totally relate" or "your honesty has helped me work out my own issues", etc. So I've tried to be as transparent as possible in every walk of my life, not in just blogging. No holding anything back.

Well, it backfired a bit on me this past week.

You might know that I'm an avid Twitter-er. I tweet about absolutely everything. Conversations between me and my daughter. Comments on idiots driving in traffic. My favorite movies. I'll pass along professional resources I've found. Jokes. Funny thoughts that pop into my head. Bible verses. My struggles with weight loss from hour to hour. Stuff like that.

Well, So last weekend I just finished watching Breaking Bad and I was twittering about the show when I came across a comment Wil Wheaton had made that I thought was hilarious. First, if you don't know who Wil Wheaton is, he played Wesley Crusher on Star Trek: The Next Generation. He was the highly intelligent, geeky teenage son of the doctor. And in case you're not familiar with Breaking Bad, it's a new series staring Bryan Cranston, who was the father on Malcolm in the Middle, who plays a high school chemistry teacher gone bad. In fact, he's turned his knowledge of chemistry into manufacturing methamphetamines to raise quick cash to leave for his family as he was diagnosed with terminal lung cancer.

Okay, so Will Wheaton (geeky guy) says he loves Breaking Bad so much that he wants to guest star on it. So I commented back to him, retweeting his original comment, saying it would be hilarious to see him as a drug lord. Stop for a minute to picture that. ... Well, I didn't realize it at the time, but his original tweet had profanity in it. A pretty bad one, in my book (god-d**m).

One more bit of information that's important to this story... I work for a Christian publisher and I state so in my twitter bio.

The next morning, someone had called me out on it and basically said 'how dare you retweet profanity when you represent your employer". I quickly apologized by saying I probably should have deleted the profanity before retweeting it but I'm human and I made a mistake. He didn't like my response. He said I sounded flip and arrogant and was obviously not sorry at all. He demanded an apology. I told him I didn't need to ask for his forgiveness, only God's.

He kept on publicly berating me saying very mean things about me and my character. The thing that really shook me up is that he talked like he knew the owner of the company I work for and he threatened to call him if I didn't apologize to his liking.

He went on for about a day and a half. All the while, I did not respond to any of his tweets. My silence only made him angrier and drew him to further outlandish conclusions. I still did not respond.

One thing he originally said was that he would have gladly direct messaged me (which only the 2 of us would have seen) but I didn't follow him so he couldn't. But I was following him. So my only conclusion was that he wanted this to be intentionally public.

So yesterday morning, I unfollowed him in an attempt to get him to leave me alone. He came back with a sharp comment saying something like 'fine, if that's the way you want to be, I'll have to take a different approach'. That really spooked me. What was this "different approach".

Everyone kept telling me he was a bully and to just ignore him. I did. But I made one last comment (3 tweets to him altogether). I told him I unfollowed him so hopefully he'd leave me alone.

Well, he didn't. In fact, he threatened to call the owner of the company I work for and he called him by name.

My husband got involved last night and tweeted back and forth with him trying to get him to back off. That didn't help. It just made him madder.

So you know what I had to do this morning? I had to go to the owner of the company and tell him my side of the story before this guy called him. I felt like a kid in school. The original offense was so lame and he (the owner) even asked me a couple of times "what does this have to do with me". I had to tell him that it doesn't, it's stupid. But I just wanted to bring it to his attention before this guy did so he'd be prepared.

So by me being transparent and stating my employer in my bio, I feel like I have to watch what I do in my tweets, now. I don't like being held back from being who I am. I'm not saying I condone cussing. In fact, I don't cuss and I find it very offensive. But now I feel like I have to watch to make sure that what I tweet won't offend the readers of the magazine I work on. I don't like that. I am who I am.

And on top of that, I feel like he's watching my every tweet just waiting for me to mess up. I think of him every time I tweet and wonder if he's reading this one. I feel like I'm being watched. I don't know how to get him out of my head. If feel violated almost. I just want my tweeting to be what it used to be... random and fun. Not cautious and precise.

P.S. I removed my the name of the company I work for from my twitter bio. I can't wait until "he" finds out. I'm sure he'll say something like "oh, so now you're hiding who you work for... isn't that a little like closing the barn door after the horse has run free?'. See, I feel so invaded.

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My "I've Come So Far" list...

A few weeks ago, my weight watcher leader handed out little slips of papers to each of us for us to write down 10 things on this list called "I've Come a Long Way". The idea was to list out 10 things that I do now that I could never do when I was at my heaviest. Kind of a "look at me now".

I thought I'd share that list with you guys:

(In no particular order)

• I've gone from a size 28 to size 10. In this picture, on the left, I was trying on a dress in the dressing room when I snapped that pic (I did buy it and loved it). It was a size 28. On the right is me over a year ago when I was only 8 pounds heavier than I am now.
  

• I've had to resize my wedding rings (and one of them needs resizing again)

• I don't sweat anymore when I go shopping. This used to be terrible. I'd go grocery shopping for just a half hour and before I could make it to the check out line, I'd have sweat beads running down my forehead. It was so embarrassing.
  

• I can cross my legs by putting one knee over the other knee. This was a huge one for me. I've been crossing my knees by putting my ankle on top of my other knee for so long. I really missed crossing my legs like a lady.

• I can fold my arms in front of me and my arms aren't squeezing my boobs. Now my folded arms fall under my boobs and rest on my tummy like they should. This was another huge one for me. I always hated folding my arms over my boobs like that.

• Walking up the three flights of stairs at work without getting winded. I remember when I first started taking the stairs I had to stop at the 2nd landing and catch my breath and I had to stop at the top of the 3rd landing before I opened the door so in case someone was standing on the other side of the door they wouldn't be freaked out by a panting fat woman blazing through the door.

• I can buy clothes in regular stores, now. Not the plus size stores or departments. That's a huge victory. I remember the first time this happened I had the biggest smile and told my daughter, "Look, I don't need to go to that department any more". I was so proud.

• I can fold my hands in my lap. I actually have a lap, now. Awesome!

• I can pull my knees up to my chest and wrap my arms around my knees and sit like I used to sit with I was a kid in school. =]

• I don't snore any more. I used to snore HORRIBLY. My husband recorded me one night and it was humiliating. But now, no more!

• I can eat in public without feeling embarrassed or like the whole restaurant is watching that "fat woman" eat like a pig.

• I can fit in a booth in a restaurant, now. In fact, most booths are too far away for me. I have to scoot up to the table.

Okay, so that was a little more than 10 things, but I had a couple more things I'm proud of.

What about you? What can you do now that you couldn't do before you started losing weight? Or if you've just started, what are you looking forward to doing again?

Keep these things in the front of your mind. Even write them down or blog about them like I did. They are great motivations. Great trophies. Great milestones in my weight loss journey.

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What happened today?

Today I was feeling shaky all day. It started when I woke up. No matter what I ate. I was careful to only eat fresh fruits and veggies. Foods high in protein and fiber. Low in sugar. No artificial sweetener. And whole grain foods. But I couldn't shake the shakes.

Then I got a small bag of Cheetos (2 oz) out of the vending machine downstairs and whammo, shakes gone! I feel totally balanced, now.

Why?

I wasn't craving the Cheetos, but I know that this is about the only thing that will calm my shakes.

I'm on a losing streak...

Those word, for once, are really good to hear.

I lost another 1.4 lbs this week.

My total now is 102.0 pounds lost!!

And the coolest thing is I got 2 paper clips today!!!

I have been looking forward to getting more paperclips for SOOO long!!! Its been so long, they actually stopped doing paper clips at my WW meeting. Something about it not being Weight Watcher sanctioned or something silly like that. I say, whatever works, right? It totally motivates me!

I've been able to keep my head pointed in the right direction. I'm looking at food and hunger in a totally different way than I ever have. I'm finally seeing food for the sustenance that it was meant to be. Don't get me wrong, I still love eating food. But I'm learning some of the negative effects of some types of food and eating too much of certain types of foods and it's making me look at the whole thing alot better.

Like have you ever heard of sugar alcohol? I read an article about it a couple of weeks ago. It comes from artificial sweetener. Our bodies can't process it so it passes straight through our stomachs and right into our pancreas. The pancreas doesn't know what to do with it except that it dehydrates the pancreas like crazy. So it sends out signals to the rest of the body to send all water reserves immediately. So what happens is your pancreas gets over watered and starts to bloat. So if you ever feel bloated and can't figure out why, try and remember what you've eaten with artificial sweetener in it. This process also causes diarrhea. Yuk. Its things like that that I've been learning lately that really make me think twice about some of the foods I've been putting into my body.

I think the biggest thing I've learned, though, is to eat in moderation and to eat frequently. I'll have little tiny meals throughout the day. I try to eat every 3 hours even if it's just to have a banana or a yogurt. It really keeps me from overeating when it comes to meal time. And I try to focus on foods high in fiber and protein that'll help me feel fuller longer.

Oh, and lots of water. I probably drink 8-10 glasses of water a day. That's pretty good for me. I used to only be able to squeeze in 6 glasses, tops.

I still haven't gotten back to exercising, though. And I know I need to desperately. That whole marathon debacle and knee injury has really thrown me for a curve. I really want to start biking again... I just have to get up the courage to do it.

Oh, by the way, I have a guest blogger I'll be posting later on this week and she talks about sugar alcohol alot better than I do. She's a registered nurse.

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I LOST 100 POUNDS!!!!

...again. :]

I finally did it, though, and I'm so excited.

I lost 100 lbs last year on May 30th, precisely 100.2 lbs. Then the following week I gained a half a pound then the week after that I took a no-weigh-in-pass because I gained a little over 10 lbs. When I weighed in the week after that, I was still up 4 lbs and from there on out, it was up a pound, down a pound, up 5 pounds, down 2 pounds, etc., etc., all year long.

Until today. Today I lost 1.2 lbs to bringing my total loss to 100.6 lbs. The most I've ever lost. And I don't EVER want to lose those 1.2 lbs ever again! I'm tired of losing the same pounds over and over. I'll bet you I've gained and lost 60 pounds since last May.

Not any more.

I see my goal clearly and I know what steps I need to get there. No sacrifice. No denying myself. Only positive steps towards a goal I deserve.

It was really cool when I weighed in this morning. The lady who was weighing me, Cathy, and Ned (my leader) and Barb (the other receptionist), were all huddled around the computer screen waiting for the computer to display the results. It was funny because they all stopped what they were doing and leaned in together.

The computer took forever and I even made the comment "Did I break the scales again??". When finally the computer spit out the results and they all three started yelling and jumping up and down and cheering "You did it!! You did it!!" I couldn't believe it.

Cathy even came out from around the counter and gave me a big hug. Was so cool!

They made such a big ruckus that I heard people who were behind me in line saying "someone must have made goal today". Boy, the way we were all cheering, you'd think I would have reached goal. Well, I reached "A" goal, but not actual goal. But a big goal nonetheless.

What a relief!

And then, during the meeting when it came time to do celebrations, Ned stopped and said, "First, before we get started with celebrations, there's something that I want to give to Cara because she's reached a huge goal today" and he walked over to me and handed me a Weight Watchers certificate congratulating me for losing 100 pounds. And a tiara. Yes, that's what I said, a tiara. Cathy and Barb came over to partake int he celebration and Cathy said "no that wont do" because I took the tiara and placed it in my lap. She grabbed it from me, tore open the package and placed the tiara on my head. What a hoot!

See...
























(There's a lady behind me, that's why it looks like my hair is so big, it's not my hair at all)

You know I was so doubtful that I'd actually make my 100 lb mark today after I'd gained 4 pounds of water gain last weekend. It took me until Friday morning before I had almost all of it off. I was still about a half pound up on Friday morning. But I did what I was supposed to all week and I drank lots of water and it all came off and then some.

Whew! That was a close one!

My next goal is goal. I'm 9.6 pounds way from Weight Watcher's goal. That'll put me down to 155. I still want to lose more than that, but I'm going to keep my Weight Watchers goal at 155 for now. I think eventually I'd like to get down to 145. Would be really sweet if I could get down to 135 because then I would have lost half my body weight. But I'm sure at my age, 135 isn't realistic or healthy.

So on to my next goal. Here I go...

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I've always been afraid that I would run out of food...

I'm heading down the same pathway I've traveled before. I recognize the trees and the houses along the side of the road. This route is so familiar to me, I could travel it blindfold.

But thank goodness the blindfolds are off.

All week, I've been having craving after craving. I've been thinking about a big, thick, juicy cheeseburger ... and my favorite snack, chips and dip ... and chocolate cake (which is weird, because I'm usually more of a vanilla cake type of person) ... and real macaroni & cheese ..., and onion rings ... and a baked potato with TONS of real sour cream and real butter ... and cupcake pops (if you've never heard of these before, check them out on my Facebook page, they're oh so yummy!) ... and donuts (yes, donuts again) ... and McDonald's sausage biscuit w/cheese & hash browns ... and real pancakes (not the healthy kind) with gobs of butter and syrup and powdered sugar ... and, well, I could go on and on but I think I'll stop for now.

Suffice it to say, I've had A LOT of cravings lately.

Why am I having these cravings?

Because I'm trying to sabotage myself again. I'm getting ever so close to a goal again and for some reason I have this "sabotage mechanism" that kicks in telling me that I can't do it. Telling me, "you're sacrificing too much, you need a reward."

The thing of it is, though, that I'm seeing clearly now for the first time and I am not really sacrificing. I'm not. Like tonight, I had a small plate of homemade spaghetti. And, because I knew it would haunt me if I didn't eat it, I had about 2 tablespoons of left over homemade mac & cheese from last night. I knew if I didn't eat it, it would be calling my name until I ate some of it.

So I'm doing this the right way, I'm allowing myself to have what I want, I'm just keeping it under control. Like, tonight, when I put the spaghetti on my plate, I piled it on. Because that's my sabotage mechanism kicking in. I was saying to myself, "go ahead, you've been good, indulge". Just when I was about to start eating, I looked at the plate and said "what are you doing?! you don't need that much spaghetti!!" And I was right, I would be completely satisfied with half that much. So I scooped half of it back in the pot and was completely satisfied with that much.

Speaking of being satisfied, I've really been focusing in on this lately. I'm so used to eating what I put on my plate, not matter how hungry I was. I'm used to piling it on and eating until it's gone. I've spent my entire life practicing that plan. But lately I've been asking myself why. And I'll be honest with you, I never thought I'd arrive at this place.

I mean, ever since I started Weight Watchers (almost 3 years ago), I've been at war with myself about the fact that I'll never be able to eat what I want and as much as I want for the rest of my life. I've cried about it and blogged about it. And honestly always thought it would be something I'd just have to live with.

But I'm just learning that I can still eat whatever I want, just not a ton of it, and I can still be happy. I remember when I first joined Weight Watcher and Ned said I could eat whatever I wanted on Weight Watchers. I thought to myself, at first, this is cool. But then after a year or so of not really eating what I wanted--or rather the amount of food I wanted--it started really ticking me off. I felt like I'd been bamboozled. Sure, I can eat anything I want, but I just can't have as much as I want. That doesn't sound right to me.

But now I'm learning that I don't really need to eat "as much as I want". I've really been focusing on my portions, lately, and noticing how satisfied I am. You know, they say there are 3 stages of fullness--satisfied, full and stuffed. I've always been somewhere between full and stuffed, with the needle leaning closer to stuffed, to feel happy. But I'm realizing that satisfied is taking on a whole new meaning.

See, I'd always thought that stuffed meant that everything was okay and I didn't have to worry that my food wouldn't be there later for me. If the food was there now, and I ate as much of it as possible, I wouldn't have to worry about it not being there later. I've always had a fear that I would run out of food. In fact, for years, I had to keep my cupboard doors open so I could see the food in there when I walked through the house. That's a hard one to overcome. And I don't claim to have beaten it. But I sure have taken one giant step towards winning the battle by realizing that if I get hungry later, I can eat more food later.

What a concept.

If I get hungry later, I can eat more later.

I don't know why that has never occurred to me before. How can something so simple be so elusive. The funny thing is that I've heard that over the past few years but I didn't believe it. I was still afraid the food would be gone later.

Now I know that satisfied is a great place to be. And I feel so happy that I've finally figured that one out.

As for my overdose of sodium last Sunday that caused 4 lbs of water retention, I've gotten all but about a half a pound of it off. Now my goal is to just NOT gain. Before, I wanted to lose the 6/10ths (or was it 4/10th) by this Saturday. Now I just want to NOT gain. I think that's a noble goal, don't you?

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Please, I don't want to sabotage myself again...

I did something really stupid this past weekend and I'm really hating myself for it. And no, it wasn't eating the Texas sheet cake. :)

Sunday night I fixed a big bowl of air popped popcorn. Good, right? Well, not the way I fixed it. I usually spray it with butter flavored Pam and a little salt. But this time, I sprayed it with alot of Pam and a TON of salt. It was SOOO good!!! Just like I like it.

But now I'm retaining water!! I'm up 4 pounds!!!

I have been doing great other than that. I only had 22 points on Saturday and 21 points on Sunday, not counting the chocolate cake and popcorn. Those I put towards my 36 flex points. Yesterday and today, both 21 points. No salt at all. Just fresh fruits, whole grains, oils, dairy, and protein & fiber. I've been drinking a little extra water trying to flush the sodium out of my system, too.

I really hope the salt lets go of me soon. I don't want to carry these 4 pounds through the end of this week.

I've really set myself up for failure, you know? All I have is 4/10ths of a pound to my goal and I've brag all about how I'm GOING to do it this week. Ugh!! Why do I keep doing that to myself!!!???

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One more step closer...

Well, I'm getting closer and closer...

Weigh in today!

I lost 1.6 lbs!!!

Yay!!!

I'm only 6/10ths away from my interim 100 lbs Weight Watcher's goal.

I'M GONNA DO IT!!!

The cool part is, what's gonna happen next week. See, at Weight Watchers, they've been having challenge going on for the past 9 weeks. Its "The Momentum 2010 Challenge" and it's a 10-week long event. Each week they talk about specific things to focus on like tracking, filling foods, activities, tips & tricks, eating out and stuff like that. Well, next week is week 10, the last week of the challenge, and my leader said it's going to be about celebrating our successes and there's going to be a "party" of sorts. Now, I"m sure it's not going to be a real party, but the idea is for all of us to share our successes and celebrate them together. Well, here's the cool part, if I can lose 6/10ths of a pound next week, then the party will be MY PARTY!!! We'll all be celebrating my 100 lb loss (again, kinda). Okay, now I realize the party won't be all about me. He he! I realize it'a all about ALL of our accomplishments and successes. But secretly I can say the party was all for me, right? =D I mean, can't I??

But seriously... I really feel like I'm headed in the right direction this time. And I really feel like this time its for real. I've had my ups and downs for sure over the past (almost) 3 years. And I've thought I've had my head going in the right direction many times before only to sabotage myself or derail my progress unintentionally on purpose.

But this time feels different. I really feel like I'm so much more equipped this time. I feel focused and aware. I feel like I'm seeing everything I need to do to lose weight clearly in front of me. It's like a weight loss master to do list. But an easy one. A short one. I just wish I could bottle it and sell it. Wouldn't that be a hoot! If you want to lose weight, just spray a little on every morning.

And I'm really feeling good in my own skin.

Now, all that being said, I have to confess that I had a bit of a splurge today. I mean, my day was going great and I stayed under my 21 points. Well, that is, until tonight... I decided to make my mom's Texas Sheet Cake. I've never made it before but she's always been telling me it's like the best chocolate cake I'll ever try. Well, so, I just had to try it, right? Well, maybe not, but I sure wanted to. And the best part was, I had all the ingredients in my cupboard. Now, how can you go wrong with that, right??

Here's the scary part. I entered the ingredients into Weight Watchers Recipe Builder and you'll never guess how many points one slice was. You might want to sit down for this one. It's a whopper. If I divided the cake (which was baked in a 9"x13" baking pan), it was 21 points per slice. Yup, you read that right... 21 POINTS!!! Yes, for ONE SLICE!!! Now, granted that's if you cut the cake into 8 pieces, which makes a piece about 4" x 5", which is really too much cake, but it's about the size of a slice of cake you'd get at a restaurant, right? If I divide the cake into 12 pieces, it would be 14 points per slice. So here's the really bad part. I had one 21 point piece and one 14 point piece. So over the course of about an hour, I ate all my flex points for the week. Aaahhh!!

But I tell you want... she was right... my mom said it was the best chocolate cake I'd ever taste. Oh man!! It was moist, chocolaty, and heavenly!!! It should be, it had 3 sticks of butter, 2 cups of sugar, buttermilk, eggs, flour, cocoa powder, etc., etc. All the good (bad) stuff.

Now, here's the good part. My daughter is coming over tomorrow and taking the rest of the cake home with her. There's no way I could resist that cake if I left it in my house.

(P.S., if you want the recipe, I can email it to you. Is that wrong of me to peddle such horrible food on my weight loss blog??? Maybe I shouldn't have put that last sentence in here. :)

The results are in from the doc...

Well, I had my follow up visit with my doctor about my knee. It doesn't look good. He said (A) I have minor degeneration in my medial & lateral compartments, which is basically the padding between the knee joint. And (B) degenerative disease in my patellar tendon, which is the tendon that connects the knee cap to the top of the chin.

So, the medial and lateral degeneration (A) will likely build up calcium deposits what will chip off and I'll have to get removed. This happens as the pad basically start wearing out.

And then the degenerative disease in my tendon (B) will only get worse. The more I run on it, the worse its going to get. No way around that.

But he referred me to a sports medicine orthopedic specialist who can help teach me things that will allow me to continue running. He said the specialist can show me exercises that can be done to help compensate for the weaknesses and recommend ways of running or equipment to wear to help compensate.

But the part that bothered me the most is that he said degeneration like this is normal in someone who's in their 50s and 60s but not in their 40s. I forgot to ask him, but I'll bet its because I've been twice my normal weight most of my life.

All this time, I thought I was perfectly healthy being overweight. I always got great check ups. No high blood pressure. No high blood sugar. No abnormalities in my liver or kidneys. No high cholesterol. EKGs always perfect. I've always been in perfect health, even when I was almost 300 lbs. But I guess I wasn't.

I've made my knees 20 years older than they really should be.

I've also been having pains in my upper arms, but in the bones, not the muscles. It hurts when I have to lift them above my head. And heaven forbid if I wake up in the middle of the night with my arms above my head! Its excruciating!

He said that might be related to the degenerative disease. So when I go to the specialist, I'm going to mention it to him and see if there's anything that can be done about that as well.

I'm suddenly feeling so old. :|

On the flip side, my weight loss is going strong. I lost another 4/10ths this past week. That's 5 weeks in a row, now, that I've had a loss.

I've lost a total of 5 lbs over the past 4 weeks. Woo hoo!!!

I've got my head in the right place, now. I know I can do it this time. I want to be back down to below 100 lbs before my 3-year anniversary of starting Weight Watchers rolls around. That's on May 12th of this year. I'm only 2.2 lbs away from that goal, so I really should have no problem reaching it.

Would be really cool if I could reach my Weight Watchers goal of 155 lbs by then. I'm not going to set myself up for failure, though. The old me would have figured out how many weeks it is between now and May 12th and figured out how much weight I would have to lose each week to be at goal by then. But I'm not going to do that to myself. I've learned that I don't work well under pressure—weight loss pressure, that is.

Nope, I'm going to take it one day at a time, one week at a time and we'll see where I am by then. All I know now is that I'm on the right track.

The funny thing is that I've known how to do this all along, I just didn't do it. I guess I'm the type who likes to find out how to beat the system and then get by with as little work as possible to accomplish the goal. Well, that does not work in weight loss! And its only taken me 3 years to learn that.

I think I know enough now about weight loss that I could write a book about it. I know what to eat, how much, when, what types of food are good and bad for weight loss, exercise, etc. I know how to lose weight. But the actual process of losing weight isn't what's been tripping me up, but I never realized that. Its the mental and emotional part of losing weight that's the hard part. That's the hidden danger for me.

Speaking of writing a book, I'm still reading though Dr. Colbert's "I Can Do This" Diet and its really getting good. He's so thorough. This last chapter, that I've reread twice now, is about cravings and why the body craves certain foods and how to stop cravings. Its very interesting. Maybe on my next blog, I'll share with you some of the things he talks about. It's really amazing.

But for now, no more running until I can see the specialist. I sure miss it. I'm afraid the longer I don't run, the hard it's going to be to get started running again. And it was so hard to get started.

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