Monday, November 10, 2008

So what's next for me?

I haven’t posted in over a week.

I gained a pound this past Saturday.

I am now 6 pounds away from my goal of losing 100 pounds by Thanksgiving. The problem is, there are only 2 more weigh ins before Thanksgiving so I have now resigned to the fact (gulp) that I will not make my 18 Pounds in 18 Weeks challenge. I will not be able to sit down to Thanksgiving dinner and “be thankful for losing 100 pounds.”

(sniff sniff)

So onward I go.

I knew before I started the challenge it was a tough one and one that I would likely not meet. One pound a week is very hard when you’ve been doing it as long as I have. One pound a week was a piece of cake when I first started. But after a year and a half of it, my body just doesn’t respond the same. Neither does my will power or my passion for it.

I just read my mom’s blog for today and she has hit my nail right on it’s head.

Although her situation is different than mine—she doesn’t have anyone around her to help encourage her where as I, on the other hand, have my husband going through this with me. But we’re both in the same boat.

You would think with my husband, the closest person to me, going through this with me, things would be easier. I hear stories from other people ALL the time saying how their husband or kids keep snacks in the house, etc. and how impossible it is to lose weight with everyone around them eating the good stuff. So you’d think I would be one of the lucky ones. For whatever the reason, though, I feel the same exact way the my mom does.

I think I need to ease up for a while. I've been doing this so hard core for so long that I think it is finally gotten to me. Listen to this...

1. I’ve lost 94 pounds. That’s great! That’s phenomenal!! That’s a huge accomplishment!!!

2. I only have 30 more pounds to lose so by most peoples’ standards, I’m only slightly overweight.

3. And I keep hearing from EVERYONE how good I look and how they just can’t believe that I want to lose more weight. When I tell them I have 30 more pounds to go, they tell me I'm crazy.

These are the things that go through my head constantly.

So why shouldn’t I go easy for a while?

My mom talked about how when we first got into this whole thing of weight loss how we had this image of “skinny” in our heads and it was our motivator and our goals. But after a while it became about being healthy and feeling better.

Well, I’m healthy. I feel a 1,000% better than I did 94 pounds ago.

I do still want to get down to 140 pounds. I don’t ever want to give that up as my ultimate goal. But I’m just so physically, mentally and emotionally sick to death of trying to lose weight right now.

Maybe if I take it easy for a while I will be better equipped (emotionally and mentally) to pick up this journey where I left off and finish it.

So what does this mean for me? I'm not quitting Weight Watchers—I'll still go every weekend. I won't stop weighing in. I won't stop counting points. I won't stop exercising.

But I will stop obsessing over this whole thing. I will stop stressing out when I don't lose what I thought I should have. I will stop sacrificing to the point of deprivation. I will stop "pushing through the pain". I will stop being disappointing every week because I didn't lose what I wanted to.

Basically, what I'm changing is my mind-set. I'm tired of always being disappointing because I'm not losing like I should be. My new goal is to lose 2/10ths of a pound each week. If it takes me another year to lose 15 pounds, I am completely happy with that. I just can't keep doing this. I keep beating my head up against that wall for what? I'm doing good. I've done good. Right?

I don't know if any of this makes sense. It's just something I have to do to keep my sanity. I've been OBSESSING over food for the past 18 months. I'm just tired of playing this game.



Katschi said...

Hi Cara!
I lost 5.8 lbs this WEEK & 9.8 lbs in 2 WEEKS by eating clean & exercising. Consider trying it for the 2 weeks & maybe you WILL reach your 100 lb goal by Thanksgiving! Don't resign yourself to not reaching that goal just yet, ok?

spunkysuzi said...

I'm up 1.6 this week :(

Shelley said...

Hi Cara,

I just discovered your Mom's blog and now yours and I totally understand how you're feeling. But I have to say, looking at your "before and during" pictures how much younger you look now! You are an inspiration to me!

Lake Mary WWLeader said...

I think you have hit on something really important here. You said "I'm tired of always being disappointing because I'm not losing like I should be". You have recognized how far you have come, acknowledged how much better you feel and are willing to stop working toward "should be" expectations. Now you can move forward and do your personal best each week without putting those expectations in the way of your success. Be proud of your accomplishments, feel good about yourself and find the strength to keep moving toward your goal. Remember the tortise and the hare...slow and steady wins the race. Keep on pedaling!

SeaShore said...

I read the blogs I follow in Google reader, so I hadn't seen your new "during" picture before today.

If you are disappointed at not being able to be thankful for a 100 lb loss, then take heart and be thankful you are able to post that picture! Wow!!

Karyn said...

Cara...I totally support your decision to "back off" a bit.

I think you are being are considering your own emotional health as well as your physical health.

With the enormous success you have already achieved, it is important to enjoy your new body and your new lifestyle.

You'll get to your goal, eventually.

In the meantime, (as I've already said) ENJOY the rewards of all the hard work you have been putting in!

Maintain for awhile, if it will help you to LIVE. You can always pick up where you leave long as you are maintaining and not gaining. :)