Trying to keep everything in perspective is hard...

Weigh in this morning was a bit encouraging but a bit discouraging too. Mainly because of what I THOUGHT I'd weigh in at. Boy, doesn't the mind play tricks on you about your weight loss? The further I go down this weight loss journey, the more I am convinced it's 95% mental and 5% physical.

So I told you already that I lost a pound on Thanksgiving day, right? And yesterday (Friday) I was even better (food- and exercise-wise) than I was on Thursday. I ate a healthy breakfast (home made fried potatoes, a slice of whole grain bread with light butter and a sliced apple = 6pts). Then a sensible lunch (Steak N Shake southwestern hot dog (chipotle sauce and pico de gallo), cottage cheese & pineapple ring, and veggie soup = 13 pts) and a half a piece of pecan pie (5 pts). Then I went running last night for almost an hour = 3.75 miles. All in all, a pretty great day, right??

Then why did I gain 1.8 pounds between Friday morning and Saturday morning??!!

How could I lose a whole pound on Thanksgiving, but gain it back plus another 8/10ths the next day by eating better and exercising more?

Very frustrating.

So when it was all said and done, my official weigh in at Weight Watchers was down 1.2 pounds from last week.

This is when I have to make it all come into perspective. I have to look at the big picture.

My body is going to fluctuate from day to day. And sometimes, for no reason whatsoever. This I have to keep remembering. This is why most weight loss programs tell you to NEVER weigh yourself on a daily basis. Most will call for a weigh in once a month. But at the most frequent is once a week. But never more than once a week or heaven forbid once a day.

So I have to take those 1.2 pounds and be proud of it. Heck, it wasn't too long ago that I would have jumped up and down and screamed for losing 1.2 pounds in one week.

So I'm inching my way closer back down to that ominous 100 lb loss mark. I only have 1.8 pounds to go to get back down to my 100 pounds lost. So, it might take me another 2 (or more) weeks to do it. I can't rush it. I can't obsess over it. That will do me no good whatsoever. In fact, if I think back to one year ago, that's what started me on my spiral out of control. I obsessed over it too much.

Take a deep breath. Be patient. And be happy with your great loss, Cara!

On a slightly different subject, I've started reading a new book that's, so far, really great. It's called "Dr. Colbert's "I Can Do This" Diet". It hasn't been released yet (supposed to be in January), but I've received an advanced copy from the publisher (with the hopes that I'll review it on my blog). Its an extremely thorough book, let me tell you. It's not light reading, for sure. But its amazing. I'm learning SO much about weight loss and how our bodies respond to different types of plans and foods, etc. Here's what the publisher says about the book: "you'll discover the top five reasons why diets fail; explore weight-loss fundamentals; overcome roadblocks including insulin resistance, neurotransmitter imbalance, and hormonal imbalance; and design a program catered to your needs." To me, it seems like an intellectual approach to weight loss. I'll keep you posted on how it goes.

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I've come so far in just ONE year...

One year ago, I completely fell off the wagon...

I remember the day like it was yesterday.

In July of last year (2008), I started a goal of losing 18 pounds in 18 weeks so by Thanksgiving (of last year) I would have arrived at 100 pounds lost. I just went back and re-read that goal-setting blog and I sounded so full of hope and optimism. It was, after all, only "1 pound a week".

But there I sat, at the Thanksgiving table, a year ago, stuffing my face 'til I couldn't move.

I ate all the chocolates that were laying around the house (my mother-in-law makes these yummy treats where she puts a pecan halves on top of a Rollos on top of little pretzel twists, melts them in the oven and when they're cooled, they're yummy little turtle-like delights).

And for the meal, I had double portions of absolutely everything. I remember seeing my mother-in-law sitting across the table from me eating her Thanksgiving meal on a smaller plate (she had lost 50 lbs on Weight Watchers just earlier that year). I laughed inside to myself. Fooey on that! I'm eating a full plat of yumminess and I didn't care if I gained 10 pounds. I even had extra helpings of pie. And of course I took all the casserole left overs home and ate them again when we got home and for days after that, too. And, yes, I did gain 10 pounds before the week was over.

I remember, months later, looking back at that meal remembering that that moment was the beginning of my self-sabotage. I didn't know it at the time, but I panicked at the thought of actually reaching my momentous goal. Read this old post to see what I'm talking about.

But this year... completely different. I feel like a completely different person. Mentally, physically and spiritually. I'm in such a better space, now.

I started off the day by going for a run. I woke up around 6:30, before daylight, and was so anxious to get out there and run. I sat there starring outside waiting for daylight. I finally headed out at about 10 'til 7 and man was it chilly out there. Of course, no one else was either on the roads or on the sidewalks. A quite and confident run to start the day off right.

I got back in time to throw the sticky buns in the oven to bake real quick. Mind you, these were the real thing. My daughter had assembled them the night before (she came over and helped make the casseroles with me) and asked me to bake them for her before we headed over for Thanksgiving dinner.

We headed out to hubby's parent's house around 9. While the turkey was finishing, we watched home videos. We watched my almost 21-year-old's first birthday party. First of all, I loved seeing her so young and precious. Brought back some great memories. But most of all, I noticed that I am much thinner now than I was then. It was so awesome to see myself 20 years ago and know that I'm skinnier now than I was then. I was probably 210-220 pounds in those videos. Now, 165!!

Most people will look at themselves 20 years ago and say "man I looked so good back then, I wish I was that skinny again". Not me, I was so happy to see how far I've come since those days.

Then dinner time. I ate my thanksgiving meal on that smaller plate. I had half and quarter portions of everything. Though there wasn't much empty space on my little plate, I had maybe 3-4 bites of everything. Instead of 1-2 cups of everything, like last year.

At the end of the meal, I sat there completely satisfied. Not stuffed. Not miserable. Completely satisfied. Then about an hour after dinner, once everyone else's stomachs started calming down, we had pie. I had half a piece of pumpkin pie and a half a piece of pecan pie (my deceased grandmother's recipe—my cousin made the pie and shipped it to me).

I wasn't really all that hungry for the rest of the day. I had a Chobani greek yogurt around 7:30 and that's about all I needed for the day.

I hate to be so boastful, folks, but I'm so darn proud of myself. I'm beaming.

Oh, and the best part...

I weighed myself this morning and I actually lost a pound yesterday!

Who loses one pound on Thanksgiving while still thoroughly enjoying everything the day has to offer?!!

What a great day!

How was your day?

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In the spirit of Thanksgiving...

I thought today would be a great day to stop and give thanks...

Thanks for my new body.

I'm a hundred pounds lighter than I was 2 years ago and I feel a thousand pounds lighter. In my body, in my spirit and in my soul. My life is changed.

Sure, there are the physical changes. I mean, its so darn wonderful to look down and be able to see my lap. I absolutely LOVE being able to cross my legs. Or even cross my arms in front of me without having to have them press my boobs down. (I'm not crazy about all the flaps of skin that are hanging from me, but hey, those are my trophy flaps, right?)

Then there's the activity part. I'm so much more active now. I used to be a couch potato. Now I just love getting up and doing whatever I need or want to do. Because I know I won't get tired. I used to sweat when I went shopping. Now, I can shop all day and never break a sweat. I love being able to skip up the 3 flights of stairs at work, multiple times a day and not get winded at all. Heck, I ran 6 miles on Sunday, 4 miles on Monday and 2 miles this morning. 12 MILES in one week!!?? Whodathunk!

I've had to get all my rings resized and I think I need to get them resized again because one of them keeps flipping over to where the diamond part falls around to the palm side of my hand whenever I type. I have a little silver chain bracelet that I paid like $5 for, but I don't want to replace it, so I just moved the clasp up to hook into one of the chains, so that there's a strip of chain dangling about an inch long after the clasp. An inch of chain that used to encase my fat wrists. And I'm now down to a size 12 (maybe even a 10, but I haven't been shopping in quite a while). When I started this journey over 2 years ago, I was a SIZE 26/28 and they were too tight on me!!

I love the way I feel about myself. I feel so worth it, now. I feel like before, when I was fat, I was hiding from the world and I wasn't worth anyone noticing me or giving me any kind of credit for anything. And I had to fight for any ounce of respect from my peers. Now... Now, I hold my head high. I am worth it. I am so much more confident in my choices, my actions and my conversations. The weird part was that I always was worth it, I just didn't know it because of all the embarrassment and unworthiness that I felt when I was fat.

Now, I can call my self thin. I even go so far, sometimes, to say I'm skinny. Although, according to most BMI and weight charts, I still need to lose another 10 pounds before I'll be "healthy". But in my heart and soul, I AM SKINNY!

I love this new me. And I'm SO thankful for her. I'm proud to be in the skin I'm in, now.

And I'm SO thankful for my family at Weight Watchers and of course my real family, too—including my absolutely amazing husband. And I'm SO thankful for all of you out there reading my blog. And this is something I want each and every one of you to own. Even if you've never commented on one of my blog posts before, you still read my blog. And that is SUCH great encouragement to me to keep going and keep losing. You know what would make me SO happy. If I could get each of you to just post "your welcome" on this blog post. You don't have to say anything more, I'd just like to send this little piece of thanks out to each one of you and I want you to know that you've changed my life and the way you can own this appreciation is to take it in and just say a simple "you're welcome, Cara". It would make me so happy. It would really make my Thanksgiving PERFECT!

So, what do you say?

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From Weight Watchers to McDonalds...

I did something yesterday morning that really proved a point. To myself. You remember a few weeks ago when I went all out and ate a fattening ribeye with onion rings and a loaded baked potato and then paid for it majorly by almost throwing up afterward? (Blog post: "One huge moment of humiliation...") Well, along those same lines, I splurged a little just after Weight Watchers yesterday morning and something weird happened. Something that's never happened before.

OK, first of all, I have to say, what sane person goes directly from Weight Watchers to the McDonald's drive in??!!! I mean, really! Didn't anything that happened over the previous half hour stick in my head at all???!! Seriously?!

I don't know why I did it. I could say because I was out of cereal at home. But then I had other things I could fix. I could have fixed an absolutely yummy roasted chicken and onion egg white omelet (I had one just the other morning and it was to DIE for!). Or I could have made 1 point pancakes. Or oatmeal. Etc., etc. But that was my excuse. So I called hubby and asked him if he wanted anything (love his heart, but he's my partner in crime).

So I got a sausage and cheese biscuit with a hashbrown. I like to put the hashbrown in the sandwich and eat it all together. I took my first bite and OH MAN was it heavenly. "Mmmmmm," I said out loud. It's been a couple of years since I've eaten at McDonalds and longer than that since I've had a sausage biscuit, which, by the way, used to be my most favoritist breakfast on the planet (when I was fat).

My second bite was just as good as the 1st. Oh, Man!

Then I turned to hubby and said "A little greasy, huh?". He agreed. My fingers were covered in grease, or I guess butter from the biscuit. I was thoroughly enjoying it, though.

I made it half way through the sandwich and I had to stop and take a drink of water. My stomach started flipping around a little bit. The water helped, though, so I kept at it.

So I'm at about three quarters of the way through the breakfast sandwich, now, and my stomach really starts tossing and turning. Its the weirdest thing. I've never had the sensation of thoroughly enjoying the taste of something while simultaneously having feelings of "tossing my cookies". But, darn it!, I was determined to finish it.

I tried thinking of other things and drinking lots of water. But with each bite I took, I kept getting sicker and sicker. What the heck!?

I finally got down to where I had 2 bites left and I stopped and took a breath. Took a drink. And took one more bite. Then it happened. I had a gag reflex while that 2nd to last bite was in my mouth.

What!? Mind you, I was still thoroughly enjoying each and every bite. Each bite I took tasted far better than the bite before it. Seriously!

I stopped. Looked at that last bite. Took a huge swallow to get the food that was in my mouth down. Then I looked at that last bite one more time. I couldn't do it. I honestly think that if I ate that last bite, I would have hurled right then and there. It was that bad.

I threw that last piece down on the greasy wrapper, which then rolled off the paper and down onto the floor. I had to bend over and pick it up, which was even worse on my stomach. The extra pressure on my stomach did nothing to stop the gag reflexes from coming. But I picked up that last piece, shoved it into the wrapper, balled the wrapper up and ran to the trash can to throw it away. I grabbed some more water. Didn't help much. So I grabbed the Tums. I stood there over the sink chewing the tums hoping my food would stay down long enough for the Tums to make it down. I never wanted food to stay down so bad in my life. I kept imagining that greasy food coming back out and it was a horrible thought.

I took deep breath after deep breath and tried to calm myself down.

That worked. The Tums made it down. The horrible feelings passed. The food stayed down.

Why the heck did I do that to myself? I mean, a logical person would have stopped eating the minute they started feeling queasy, right? But then a sane person wouldn't have stopped by McDonalds after a WW meeting either, would they?

I just wanted that food so bad.

I think for the most part, I'm able to keep my food cravings under control. But every once in a while it gets the better of me. And yesterday morning, it sure got the better of me.

For the rest of the day, I did fine. I ate sensible and on plan. And the good part is I only gained a half a pound from that morning fiasco.

I'm hoping with my good behavior today and my extra running that I did this morning that tomorrow morning I'll be back at the weight I was yesterday morning (during weigh in).

Oh, and some great news (to follow that fiasco). I ran 6 miles this morning. Non stop. No over exerting. Piece of cake! That's a 10K. I just ran it around my neighborhood. My heart rate was still a little high for the first few miles (between 165 and 175) but after the 3rd mile, it started edging its way down. By mile 4, I was down to 160. By mile 5, I was down to 150. And by the time I finished the 6th mile, I was hovering around 143. Saweet!!

But the best part was that during the entire run, from my first step to the last, I was so calm and comfortable. Though my heart was running a race, the rest of my body wasn't. I ran with my mouth closed for I'd say 90% of the run just because I didn't need to breath through my mouth. Breathing through my nose was more than enough air for me. I couldn't believe it. And I can't wait to go running again.

I think I might be turning into a runner after all.

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Measure Up Bowls Contest Winner Announced!!!

Josie!!!

Just so you know this was fair, I went to Random.org and typed in everyone's name who commented as well as each facebook entry and twitter entry (so if you tweeted and commented, you got multiple entries) and then randomized the list 4 times and then asked them to pick a number at random from the list and Josie's name was chosen.

So, Josie, just email me your shipping info and I'll get the bowls out to you right away. My email address is carashow at gmail dot com.

Congratulations!!

I wish I could send each and every one of you a set of these bowls. They're truly great. If you want to put them on your Christmas wish list, here's the website address: http://shopmeasureupbowl.com/

Also, congratulations to all of you who entered. I'm so proud of how your eating habits have changed to more healthier selections. Listen to all of the wonderful eating habits we all have now...

Rochelle said...

Portion control is half the battle I think!

Lauri said...

I never dreamed of eating cauliflower. Just wasn't going to do it. Then I told Steve about a recipe I had read, so he steamed some cauliflower then pureed it in the blender adding salt, pepper, and butter (or substitute, if you have something you use instead of butter), and it was like eating mashed potatoes. He tried it another time without the blender, just using the potato masher, and it didn't work for me....wrong consistency. But through a blender, great.

Shelley said...

The thing that I never thought I would eat is plain yogurt. And I'll admit it took me a few tries to like it - I add some fresh fruit and it's good - who knew?!? Fage 0% plain is my go-to food.

Georgia Mist said...

Veggies: Never thought I'd come to love them! Quick recipe: 1 zucchini (small), julienned, 1 yellow squash (small), julienned, 1 yellow onion, julienned. 1 clove garlic, diced. Saute in 1 tsp. olive oil until tender, serve over brown rice!

screwdestiny said...

I did a diet for, oh, a couple weeks (ha!), and pretty much the only breakfast-y proteins I could eat were eggs or cottage cheese. I used to HATE cottage cheese. It made me gag. The texture was just so nasty, and the flavor definitely left something to be desired as well. But I was not going to eat eggs seven days a week for breakfast. I need variety, man. Plus, I've always known that cottage cheese is like a perfect protein and it's so good for you and blah blah blah. So I bought myself some cottage cheese and some strawberries and blueberries, and forced myself to eat it. The first few times it did activate my gag reflex about half the time whilst eating it. But I knew it was good for me so I kept at it. And you know what? I kind of, sort of enjoy it now. Only with fruit, gotta have the fruit, but I really don't mind it.

jinxxxygirl said...

I don't think i eat something now that i would have avoided 2 years ago. Its just now i make it a point to eat somethings. Like fruit and veggies . I never would have gone out of my way to 'make sure' i ate some but now i do. And fried foods i never worried about it before now i avoid them like the plague they are.

Stacie said...

The one thing I never used to eat is two-fold: squash and zucchini. I never really knew what to do with it - but there is so much! Now I get it every time I go shopping!

Diane, Fit to the Finish said...

Portion control is such an important part of weight management. One new thing I've learned to like is Greek yogurt. I can't do it plain though.

Josie said...

The one food I had so far that I had never tried before and thought I would absolutely hate is grilled tilapia. I tried it and LOVED it and now I want more of it. There are a lot of foods left that I want to try but was always afraid to...kale, almonds, salmon. I'll face my fears one by one till they're gone.

Leisa said...

I just started my blog http://fifteenfavefoods.wordpress.com to answer that very question. What I would have never eaten before: Broiled broccoli! Now it is one of my 15 favorite foods. If you find just 15 healthy fave foods, weight loss is almost automatic.

HD@Losing Weight-Healthy Heart said...

The one thing I never would have tried is flax seed. Now, I add ground flax to my oatmeal every morning, and I can't live without it!

spunkysuzi said...

I actually eat a lot more veggies now and recently i've been eating them with no dip :) That is huge for me!

Paula Rodriguez said...

I am totally crazy about acorn squash, spaghetti squash and butternut squash... Who knew they were so tasty. Oh, and I'm lovin lentils as well.

Mzchef said...

benefiber powder... great to add to water or yogurt! It fills you up!

Tina said...

I JUST two days ago tried a baked sweet potato. YUM!!! Before this I had only been introduced to them in their slimy can form...BLECH.

Once Upon A Dieter said...

I never used to eat okra, but I discovered they were fabulous sauteed with tomatoes. Also kale. It looked too weird to me. :)

ScrapBook Blessings said...

This is easy for me. Broccoli!!!! I didn't know what I was missing before. I also replaced ground beef with ground turkey. I had to make beef one day for church and my husband wanted to know what that smell was in the house. The grease was just awful, lol.

Georgia Mist said...

Zucchini, Cauliflower, and squash are the veggies I would NEVER have eaten a year ago. Now, I eat them as often as possible. I like to put them in a foil, bake about 15 minutes and serve them over brown rice!

♥ Kenz ♥ said...

I eat so many things now that I wouldn't have eaten before...like...spaghetti squash, baby spinach, eggplant, scallops and fish. I've always known that fish was a good choice, but my answer was "i don't like it." And the same goes for mushrooms for several months ago, I decided I would will myself to like those things...and it totally worked.

Shelley said...

For me, there are two things I would NEVER eat before and turned my nose up at. Spinach and sweet potatoes. Now, I love both...and eat them as often as I can. I add spinach to my daily salad for some variety and some extra iron punch to my diet. And baked sweet potato fries are a great treat. Mmmm....mmmm....good!

wanabskne said...

Growing up my parents never introduced us to any kind of fish dish (not even frozen fish sticks). When I married my husband his family was used to eating fish on a regular basis. As a result of married life and branching out cuisine-wise due to healthy dieting, I have now come to truly enjoy fish. It has become a food that I look forward to eating rather than a food that I am uncertain about. It is now my goal to pass this knowledge and experience on to my parents in hopes that they too will begin to eat healthier meals.

Last Chance to Win a Free set of Measure Up Bowls...

Tonight I'm going to be choosing a winner in the Free Measure Up contest. To enter, all you have to do is tell me something healthy you eat now that you never ate or never liked before you started on your journey to a healthier you.

Click this link to leave a comment on the post to be entered.

Or tweet about it using the hash tag #measureupgiveaway.

Contest ends tonight at midnight.

Slim Shots—Appetite Suppresent

So here is my obligatory review...

A couple of months ago, I was approached by SlimShots to try their product for free and write a review about it on my blog.

They sent me a free 14-day trial and I just used my last one today. Here are my thoughts on the product...

Ingredients:
First of all, I researched the heck out of the product and its ingredients. It contains palm oil, oat oil, water, natural and artificial flavors, aspartame, beta carotene color and phenylalanine.

Research the Ingredients:
Okay, so this is what I found out about the ingredients. I did my own research on each ingredient and not their marketing material or website. (I'm just that kinda gal.) The palm oil can be used as an appetite suppressant. By itself, though, the body can't absorb it, so it needs an emollient. That's what the oat oil is for—it a natural emollient. Skip the water and flavors and colors, there's aspartame, which can cause some people headaches (the blue sweetener—NutraSweet) but doesn't effect me. And last but not least is phenylalanine. As best as I can tell, its an essential amino acid, meaning that it is necessary for human health, but is not produced by the body. But then I've read that aspartame contains phenylalanine. Either way, none of these ingredients sound harmful or all that unnatural or artificial.

Product Appearance:
So, like I said earlier, I just finished using the 14-day supply today. They say you can take it twice a day, once with breakfast and once with lunch (they recommend taking it with food). But I only took it at lunch. You can see by the picture above that they come in a small container that looks just like a creamer shot.

Taste:
The taste wasn't that bad but it was a bit oily. I just drank mine all in one shot. They say you can add it to your milk or cereal or anything liquid. Mine was chocolate so I just downed it. I kinda got used to the flavor and it really wasn't all that bad tasting.

Results:
As for the results, it did just what they claimed it would do—it helped curb my appetite.

My body is on a clock of getting hungry around 11am, 4:30pm and 8:30pm. This is usually when I'll have a light snack. But after I took the Slim Shot, I didn't get hungry in the afternoon or evening. It was great. I would still have a light snack, though, because I know my body needed it. I couldn't feel that it needed it, I just knew that it did because of the eating schedule I'm on.

It was really nice not getting hungry, though.

Recommendations?
Would I recommend this product? Yes and no. Yes, it was great for curbing my appetite, though this can be a tricky thing. If you can tell that your body is hungry, how will you know your body needs food. Isn't that what hunger pangs are for? I think it's a bit risky because it could fool your body into thinking it's not hungry and if you don't eat enough and regularly it could mess with your metabolism and put it all out of whack. So much so that it could have an opposite effect rather than losing weight. One of the first things I learned when I started on this weight loss journey is that if you go hungry it's not good for your body. Especially for long periods of time or on a regular basis. Your body gets to know that there is no food coming and so it starts storing the fat in your body.

So, yes, it worked, but no I wouldn't recommend it for anyone looking for a balanced and healthy diet.

My weight loss progress while taking the product?
I didn't lose any weight at all. As you'll remember, I broke even on my weight loss efforts at last Saturday's weigh in. This week, so far, from me weighing myself on my home scale, I'm down a pound from last Saturday's weigh in, but that could go back up a pound before Saturday (that's exactly what happened to me last week).

So there, that's my review of Slim Shots. Take it for what it is.

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A little happiness is nice once in a while...

I did real good yesterday. At Steak N Shake, I only had the hot dog with pico de galo (no chipotle sauce) with cottage cheese & pineapple and veggie soup. Yay!! I did it!!! I was tempted to get a hamburger or a milk shake. Was really tough not to do that, though. Hubby had a yummy hamburger and mother-in-law had a milk shake. But I resisted.

To be honest, it really wasn't that hard. Isn't it funny how sometimes the temptations are irresistible and overwhelming and then sometimes they're not. I'm so happy it wasn't that bad yesterday. I need temptations like that every once in a while.

For dinner, I had Subway. I'm telling you, I'm completely addicted to Subway. So funny, because just 6 or 8 months ago, it would still make me sick to my stomach. I wonder if when they started offering the 9 grain wheat bread, they changed their recipe a bit. It always felt like it was the bread that made me sick. But now, look out! I usually get either a turkey (no cheese) with TONS of veggies on the 9 grain (6 inch of course) or just veggies. I get the light mayo and yellow mustard on it, which is the icing on the cake. Their mayo is so yummy. I know it ads a point to the sandwich, but it's only 5 points for the turkey and 4 points for the veggie. So it's totally worth it!

Usually Saturdays include a huge splurge of some sort. But I didn't splurge.

Today, however, I did splurge, but just a little bit. I had a steak and cheese quesadilla for lunch. It was probably about 15 points, including the sour cream I had with it. It was so yummy, though. Then I had a churro for dessert—probably another 4 points. But I had a 6-point breakfast and only 2 points for dinner and I feel totally satisfied.

All in all, my weekend was pretty good and under control. I feel good. I like feeling good about my food choices. I've been out of control for so long. I'm starting to feel normal again.

I've been noticing over-weight people lately. I think this is helping with my motivation. Because I keep remembering what it was like for me when I was that big. I was miserable. I had no self-worth. I just wanted to hide from the world. Sure, the people who were closest to me were so great about it. They'd never say anything negative and they'd love me no matter what I looked like. Especially my husband, David. He's so supportive. You know after I'd lost a bunch of weight and I started looking good, he said how he always wanted me to lose weight so I could feel as good as I looked. He would never have said anything to me, though, because he loves me no matter what I look like. Proof positive of that was how he treated me—like a queen—when I was 275 pounds. I love him for that. But I know what he was talking about. I feel so much better now. So healthier. So happier. More energy. More happiness. It's been such a hard journey—the hardest thing I've EVER done in my life—but it's been totally worth every second.

I tell you one thing, though, I don't ever want to do this again! Once I lose this weight, I AM NOT gaining it back. No way I can do this again!

Are you with me?

.

Weigh in... not exactly a drum roll moment...

Weigh in this morning... I broke even. No gain. No loss. :|

I guess that's better than a gain, right?! I was really expecting a gain, but not for what you think. I did exactly what I did last week but a little more. I ate the same number of points every day and counted my flex points (which were all used last weekend). But this week, I exercised every day. Okay, so walking the dog isn't really exercising, but it's more than I've been doing, right? That's gotta count! I moved more this past week, how's that?

But my daily scale weigh ins at home showed that I'd lost 8/10ths of a pound as of yesterday morning. Then this morning, I was up a whole pound from yesterday's weight. So I figured I was gonna gain when I got to WW. Don't know why the heck I gained a whole pound in one day of eating on points and moving more. Who knows.

But after my 4 pound loss last week, it's okay that I didn't lose this week. It'll all average out, right?

I'm enjoying walking in the mornings with Mocha (a.k.a. the chubby chihuahua). I'm only taking him for half hour walks to start with. I figured I'd do half hour blocks for the coming week as well, then the following week I can start walking with him longer. He hasn't been enjoying himself that much. Yesterday, he stopped after only 10 minutes out and like a stubborn mule, refused to budge another inch. With doggies, I always listen to their instincts. They can sense things that we can't. So we stopped (like I had a choice) and turned around. So we only walked for 20 minutes yesterday.

It's been so nice and cool in the mornings. I LOVE daylight savings in the fall!!

So my goals for the coming week are to focus in on every day, one-at-a-time. Today, my goal is to NOT eat like a pig. I might go over my points for today, but I'm not giving it as much effort as I did last weekend.

We're heading to Steak N Shake for lunch today. Ugh! Nothing healthy there. So I'm gonna go for small portions and reasonable choices. I'm thinking of their hot dog with pico de galo and a small fry and water. I don't know how much their hot dog is, but WW's says a regular hot dog is 7 points. Their small fries are 6 points, UGH! I really don't even like their fries. Maybe I should go for cottage cheese and pineapple instead. It's only 2 points. Yea! That's what I'll do!!

Smart choices. Keep that in the front of your head.

How about you guys? What are your goals for this week?

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The Chubby Chihuahua...

Guess what I did this morning?

I went running! =D

I love this daylight savings time—well, the kind that happens in the fall. (he he)

I got up early Monday morning and took my little chubby chihuahua for a walk. He's about 2 1/2 pounds over weight. For a dog that's supposed to be 9 pounds, that's huge. Or rather, he's huge. :)

He had so much fun. I did too. I love daylight savings!

Then this morning, I decided to try something different. I haven't been running in a LONG time. But guess what? My knee didn't hurt? You wanna know why?

I bought new sneaks!

Yup, it was my sneakers that were making my knee hurt after a couple of miles of running. I'm so relieved.

I saved up and bought a nice pair of Asics. I was so happy once I passed the 2-mile mark this morning and my knee didn't start hurting. At about 2 1/2 miles, I could feel it, but it didn't hurt. It's like it was telling me, hey, I'm down here, just wanted to remind you. But no pain. Yippee!!!

I've got a medical question for you, though. Why does my heart rate always stay so high? I know my heart rate monitor is not malfunctioning because the last few times I went to the gym, I wore it and would periodically check my heart rate on the machines and they'd be exactly the same. The whole time I was running this morning, it stayed between 165 and 178. That's WAY too high. My target heart rate should be between 135-155 with spurts up to 165-175, but not for more than a couple of minutes at a time. I can only get my heart rate that low when I'm walking. What's up with that??

The weird thing is, I feel fine when my heart rate it up that high. I don't feel like I'm over exerting myself. I don't huff and puff. I breath nice and calm like.

My resting heart rate has always been a little on the high side. Usually around 80. Maybe that's it. My heart rate is just high. If anyone know, please tell me.

Oh, and I was thinking of another healthy thing that I enjoy now but would NEVER have eaten before I started my new healthy lifestyle: Subway. I have always hated Subway. It's always made me sick to my stomach after eating there. I always thought it was their bread. Now, who knows but I'm totally addicted. Last time I went, I even got a veggie sandwich. Who knew?! Me, eating a sandwich full of veggies.

So what healthy food do you eat now that you didn't used to eat before you started losing weight? Let me know on my post from a few days ago, click here, and you'll be entered for a chance to win these awesome Measure Up bowls. Contest goes til the 15th. Read this post for the rules.

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The day after the big pastry debacle...

You know, I've been reading and rereading your comments from my last post and you guys came up with some good ones. There were even a couple of good ones on my Facebook post, too. It's made me dig deep to try to figure out what caused the pastry incident. Hmm. This is what I've come up with...

I think the main reason I hid in my car was because I knew I was overdoing it. I'd already eaten very badly at the steak house. Then the HUGE (seriously, it was HUGE) cupcake and I knew if I brought more fattening food into the house, I would feel like a complete and total pig. So I guess I figured that if I hid, eating it in the car, that I wouldn't be a pig. Right? If no one saw me eat, then no harm. Right?

Also, you remember seeing the cartoons of the character who'd get a whiff of something yummy and then they'd float in the air sniffing the smell until they floated right to the source of the good food? That's kinda how it was when I walked into the grocery store and immediately headed for the bakery. I felt so powerless, but completely in control at the same time. Just like Beth said, "Even as I'm doing it, I don't understand why. It's such a powerless, yet driven feeling." The HUGE cupcake just didn't do the trick. I was still craving something sweet. Or maybe the cupcake was just whetting my appetite. I haven't been eating a lot of sugar lately, so maybe I got a good heaping taste of it and just wanted more. But whatever the reason for heading to the bakery and buying the pastry was way too overwhelming.

So last night, I had to go to the grocery store again. (Deep breath.) I went to a different store this time. I didn't want to tempt fate. The whole time driving there I kept saying over and over in my head "don't lose it Cara, stay in control". When I got there, I accidentally entered through the deli and bakery area. (I swear it was not on purpose.) And then I walked around the bakery isles looking at all the goodies. I wanted so badly to choose something delectable. Like, HAVE I NOT LEARNED ANYTHING?!? I kept going over the shame and tears from the night before as I looked at those yummies. No, I would not partake. I did not.

It was the hardest thing, I tell you, but I did not buy anything sweet and bad for me.

So today, on the way home from work, I had to stop at the grocery store yet again (I swear, I keep forgetting things that I need—I'm NOT doing this on purpose). So I made a list before I left work. Check it out:























You like how I added it to my list?? That way I wouldn't even be tempted. And guess what, I wasn't. Yay!

I finally found the French Twists I told you about earlier. After I bought my first tub, they quit selling them. One of my trips to the grocery store this past weekend I asked the manager if she could order them. She did. And today they were in the store. I think these should be a good substitute for the full out bad for me pastries. I do love them so. And I can only eat one at a time. So I'm good for now.

As for the future, like Rebecca (screwdestiny) said, "next time, confront the craving and don't hide behind it." When the next craving comes, confront it. If it's something I have to give into, that's fine, as long as it's within moderation. And by all means, don't hide behind it.

Don't forget to enter my Measure Up Bowls Giveaway contest. See the rules here. Contest ends Nov. 15th.

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One huge moment of humiliation...

Something happened last night that I'm completely ashamed of, but I have to confess it. One of the main reasons I started this blog was to be accountable. So I need to be honest. So here goes. Please don't judge me.

First things first, I splurged a little yesterday and paid for it majorly. I had a 6 oz ribeye (12 pts) with a loaded baked potato (11 pts) and onion petals (9 pts) (buy one get one free coupon at Logans). I felt like I was going to vomit for about an hour afterwards because of all the fat I ate. Ugh! I will not do that again! Then for dessert, about 2-3 hours later, while I was grocery shopping, I picked up a jumbo cupcake from the bakery.

But that wasn't the bad part.

Later in the evening, I had to return to the grocery store for something I'd forgot that I needed for breakfast the next morning. I should not have gone.

I had no reason being in the produce section, but I meanered my way over there. And what's right next to the produce section? The bakery. It's like an invisible force was calling me and all I could do was comply. When I got there, I had no idea what I was going to get, but I was craving something extremely sweet. (As if the cupcake wasn't enough, right?!)

When I made it to the bakery counter, the same lady was behind the counter as before when I bought that ridiculously huge cupcake. I panicked. I thought, I know she'll remember me because I had gotten a quote on a cake from her at the same time and we talked for quite a bit. I was too embarrassed to go up there and ask for another huge sweet thing, so I looked through the goodies that are on the tables in the middle of the room packaged in the clear plastic containers.

All of the containers had too much in them. Like a dozen cookies or 6 cupcakes or 2 dozen donut holes, etc. I kept looking until I found one that had 2 cream filled pastries. They were both huge, but it was the smallest I could find.

So what did I do? After paying for the food and walking out to the car, I got in and drove to a dark part of the parking lot (the sun had already set) and sat there in my car and wolfed down that pastry.

They were probably 8" long, maybe 2" wide, kinda flat with cream cheese filling and powder sugar on top.

I sat in the dark. In my car. Eating the pastry that I was so ashamed to be eating. I kept looking around like I was a shoplifter or something. Like at any minute someone was going to tap on my window and arrest me for hiding and eating in my car.

There I sat, in the dark, shoveling the pastry down my throat as fast as I could (hubby was expecting me back soon because I was only going to the store to get one thing). With every bite, I was so ashamed. This is the way I used to be. Before I started on Weight Watchers, 2 1/2 years ago. I couldn't figure out why I was sitting there eating like I used to.

This is something I'd done a million times before; ordering an extra hamburger at the drive thru and eating it before I got home with everyone else's food (then I'd eat a hamburger in front of my family). Buy a huge bag of ruffles and a block of cream cheese and downing them for lunch and hiding the empty bag and box in the bottom of the trash can so no one would know I ate the whole thing. Etc., etc., etc.

But that was all before I'd figured out why food has a hold on me like it does and recognized that I have the power over it and it doesn't have to control me any more. I'm past all that now.

So why was I sitting there in the dark, hiding my horrible eating from the world.

Remember I said there were two pastries in the container? As I was getting close to the end of the first one, I started thinking how full I was getting and how I didn't know if I could eat the 2nd one. But what would I do with it? I couldn't just throw it away. It was a perfectly good pastry. So I started eating the 2nd one, too.

I took one bite and started to cry. WHAT THE HECK WAS I DOING???!!!! I'm better than this. I'm past this! I've come too far to still sit in the dark and eat.

I threw the last piece back into the container, closed it up, then drove to the closest trash can and threw it away. I had to hide the evidence. After all, hubby had seen me down that HUGE cupcake already that night. If he saw me eating something else just as bad and huge, I'd be so embarrassed.

When I got out of my car and walked to the trash can with the other pastry (minus one bite) in the plastic container, I started thinking that everyone must know exactly what I'm doing. Why else would a grown woman get out of her car and trow away a perfectly good pastry? She must be hiding the fact that she'd already eaten the other one. I knew that everyone walking in and out of the store and in the parking lot and on the side walk just knew exactly how humiliated I was feeling.

I drove home in utter silence.

Right as I was walking into the house, my phone rang. It was hubby wondering where I'd been. I didn't have the courage to tell him I'd been hiding in the dark eating a huge cream fill pastry. So I just shrugged it off.

Now I'm afraid he's gonna read this blog post, but I still have to confess it.

Now if I could just figure out why I did it.

:(

On a slightly different subject, I tried greek yogurt for the first time today. Diane mentioned it while she was entering the Measure Up Bowls giveaway and I've been wanting to try it but couldn't find it. I found it at the grocery store and bought a "fruit on the bottom" peach flavored 6 oz tub and boy was it yummy. I think I like it more than regular yogurt. It has the consistency of sour cream but tastes just like regular yogurt. I think I'll start eating greek yogurt rather than regular yogurt from now on because the container I ate had 19 grams of protein!! How awesome is that!? Other than that, it has the exact same nutritional information as regular yogurt.

And on another slightly different note, have you guys ever heard of Shirataki Noodles? I was thinking about trying them in a pasta dish, like maybe spaghetti or fettuccine.

Don't forget to enter my Measure Up Bowls Giveaway contest. See the rules here. Contest ends Nov. 15th.

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