Sunday, November 22, 2009

From Weight Watchers to McDonalds...

I did something yesterday morning that really proved a point. To myself. You remember a few weeks ago when I went all out and ate a fattening ribeye with onion rings and a loaded baked potato and then paid for it majorly by almost throwing up afterward? (Blog post: "One huge moment of humiliation...") Well, along those same lines, I splurged a little just after Weight Watchers yesterday morning and something weird happened. Something that's never happened before.

OK, first of all, I have to say, what sane person goes directly from Weight Watchers to the McDonald's drive in??!!! I mean, really! Didn't anything that happened over the previous half hour stick in my head at all???!! Seriously?!

I don't know why I did it. I could say because I was out of cereal at home. But then I had other things I could fix. I could have fixed an absolutely yummy roasted chicken and onion egg white omelet (I had one just the other morning and it was to DIE for!). Or I could have made 1 point pancakes. Or oatmeal. Etc., etc. But that was my excuse. So I called hubby and asked him if he wanted anything (love his heart, but he's my partner in crime).

So I got a sausage and cheese biscuit with a hashbrown. I like to put the hashbrown in the sandwich and eat it all together. I took my first bite and OH MAN was it heavenly. "Mmmmmm," I said out loud. It's been a couple of years since I've eaten at McDonalds and longer than that since I've had a sausage biscuit, which, by the way, used to be my most favoritist breakfast on the planet (when I was fat).

My second bite was just as good as the 1st. Oh, Man!

Then I turned to hubby and said "A little greasy, huh?". He agreed. My fingers were covered in grease, or I guess butter from the biscuit. I was thoroughly enjoying it, though.

I made it half way through the sandwich and I had to stop and take a drink of water. My stomach started flipping around a little bit. The water helped, though, so I kept at it.

So I'm at about three quarters of the way through the breakfast sandwich, now, and my stomach really starts tossing and turning. Its the weirdest thing. I've never had the sensation of thoroughly enjoying the taste of something while simultaneously having feelings of "tossing my cookies". But, darn it!, I was determined to finish it.

I tried thinking of other things and drinking lots of water. But with each bite I took, I kept getting sicker and sicker. What the heck!?

I finally got down to where I had 2 bites left and I stopped and took a breath. Took a drink. And took one more bite. Then it happened. I had a gag reflex while that 2nd to last bite was in my mouth.

What!? Mind you, I was still thoroughly enjoying each and every bite. Each bite I took tasted far better than the bite before it. Seriously!

I stopped. Looked at that last bite. Took a huge swallow to get the food that was in my mouth down. Then I looked at that last bite one more time. I couldn't do it. I honestly think that if I ate that last bite, I would have hurled right then and there. It was that bad.

I threw that last piece down on the greasy wrapper, which then rolled off the paper and down onto the floor. I had to bend over and pick it up, which was even worse on my stomach. The extra pressure on my stomach did nothing to stop the gag reflexes from coming. But I picked up that last piece, shoved it into the wrapper, balled the wrapper up and ran to the trash can to throw it away. I grabbed some more water. Didn't help much. So I grabbed the Tums. I stood there over the sink chewing the tums hoping my food would stay down long enough for the Tums to make it down. I never wanted food to stay down so bad in my life. I kept imagining that greasy food coming back out and it was a horrible thought.

I took deep breath after deep breath and tried to calm myself down.

That worked. The Tums made it down. The horrible feelings passed. The food stayed down.

Why the heck did I do that to myself? I mean, a logical person would have stopped eating the minute they started feeling queasy, right? But then a sane person wouldn't have stopped by McDonalds after a WW meeting either, would they?

I just wanted that food so bad.

I think for the most part, I'm able to keep my food cravings under control. But every once in a while it gets the better of me. And yesterday morning, it sure got the better of me.

For the rest of the day, I did fine. I ate sensible and on plan. And the good part is I only gained a half a pound from that morning fiasco.

I'm hoping with my good behavior today and my extra running that I did this morning that tomorrow morning I'll be back at the weight I was yesterday morning (during weigh in).

Oh, and some great news (to follow that fiasco). I ran 6 miles this morning. Non stop. No over exerting. Piece of cake! That's a 10K. I just ran it around my neighborhood. My heart rate was still a little high for the first few miles (between 165 and 175) but after the 3rd mile, it started edging its way down. By mile 4, I was down to 160. By mile 5, I was down to 150. And by the time I finished the 6th mile, I was hovering around 143. Saweet!!

But the best part was that during the entire run, from my first step to the last, I was so calm and comfortable. Though my heart was running a race, the rest of my body wasn't. I ran with my mouth closed for I'd say 90% of the run just because I didn't need to breath through my mouth. Breathing through my nose was more than enough air for me. I couldn't believe it. And I can't wait to go running again.

I think I might be turning into a runner after all.



Tricia said...

fabulous Cara! our WW is next to McDonalds! I always thought the contradiction was hysterical. I have had a few bad days too -but hope to be back "on the wagon" tomorrow!

someone said to me recently - you look fabulous - and I said - you know - I don't see any difference. Never did. Even at my heaviest. Now my clothes are smaller and I guess I feel better - but I don't see anything different each morning when I look in the mirror. I wonder - if that's not part of some overall psychological issue that people who gain and lose weight have??

spunkysuzi said...

I don't "think" your a runner. I know your a runner :)

MizFit said...

(Im with you on the runner thing. I still struggle to say Im a runner. NAH thats a lie :) I DONT YET say Im a runner...but Im getting there)

Our WW is near to a SONIC and I have a few friends who demand I meet them after meetings so they dont go to sonic to celebrate.

Those tatertots sprout lips after a good weigh in I think :) so Im happy to oblige & drag em to starbucks with me.

xo xo,


David Showers said...

Partner in crime... Ugh - I know we call each other that but it really hits hard when I see it in writing.

It's so difficult to know when to step up and help you make the right choice or when to back off and let you do what you want. I'm sure I'm not the only spouse or partner that goes through this.

I will confess that most of the time I won't say anything when you want a special "treat" because you make great choices 99% of the time.

I've tried in the past to "talk you off the ledge" but you usually do what you want anyway.

You are an awesome and inspirational person. Don't let the little slips get to you.

I love you.

josie said...

This reminds me of all the times I'd watch the Biggest Loser all while gorging on ice cream or cookies. Or both. The comment above by what I presume is your husband is so awesomely supportive. Congrats on an awesome run!

Shelley said...

This was hard for me to read, as I remember doing something similar - feeling sick, yet continuing to eat that fast food that I was craving. I don't know why we do this to ourselves, but I do know that talking about it is a huge step in the right direction toward understanding it.

And you go, Ms. Runner - 10K? Freakin' awesome!

Trish said...

Carla, you have come so far! Really you have and to be so honest about it is fantastic! I used to do the same thing, my meeting is at 5:30 and I do not eat dinner until after, but I now go to a Barnes and Nobles type of place to ahve a steamer made w/ skim milk or soy and sugar free flavored syrup and enjoy that along with my dinner I bring and read for a bit. It is my down time and reward each week.

The Historian said...

How about a weight loss program with an iron clad guarantee?

--cara said...

Does anyone know how to delete a comment? I used to have a trash can next to the comments, but it's not there now. Did Blogger change something? Or am I mis-remembering?