You know, I've been reading and rereading your comments from my last post and you guys came up with some good ones. There were even a couple of good ones on my Facebook post, too. It's made me dig deep to try to figure out what caused the pastry incident. Hmm. This is what I've come up with...
I think the main reason I hid in my car was because I knew I was overdoing it. I'd already eaten very badly at the steak house. Then the HUGE (seriously, it was HUGE) cupcake and I knew if I brought more fattening food into the house, I would feel like a complete and total pig. So I guess I figured that if I hid, eating it in the car, that I wouldn't be a pig. Right? If no one saw me eat, then no harm. Right?
Also, you remember seeing the cartoons of the character who'd get a whiff of something yummy and then they'd float in the air sniffing the smell until they floated right to the source of the good food? That's kinda how it was when I walked into the grocery store and immediately headed for the bakery. I felt so powerless, but completely in control at the same time. Just like Beth said, "Even as I'm doing it, I don't understand why. It's such a powerless, yet driven feeling." The HUGE cupcake just didn't do the trick. I was still craving something sweet. Or maybe the cupcake was just whetting my appetite. I haven't been eating a lot of sugar lately, so maybe I got a good heaping taste of it and just wanted more. But whatever the reason for heading to the bakery and buying the pastry was way too overwhelming.
So last night, I had to go to the grocery store again. (Deep breath.) I went to a different store this time. I didn't want to tempt fate. The whole time driving there I kept saying over and over in my head "don't lose it Cara, stay in control". When I got there, I accidentally entered through the deli and bakery area. (I swear it was not on purpose.) And then I walked around the bakery isles looking at all the goodies. I wanted so badly to choose something delectable. Like, HAVE I NOT LEARNED ANYTHING?!? I kept going over the shame and tears from the night before as I looked at those yummies. No, I would not partake. I did not.
It was the hardest thing, I tell you, but I did not buy anything sweet and bad for me.
So today, on the way home from work, I had to stop at the grocery store yet again (I swear, I keep forgetting things that I need—I'm NOT doing this on purpose). So I made a list before I left work. Check it out:
You like how I added it to my list?? That way I wouldn't even be tempted. And guess what, I wasn't. Yay!
I finally found the French Twists I told you about earlier. After I bought my first tub, they quit selling them. One of my trips to the grocery store this past weekend I asked the manager if she could order them. She did. And today they were in the store. I think these should be a good substitute for the full out bad for me pastries. I do love them so. And I can only eat one at a time. So I'm good for now.
As for the future, like Rebecca (screwdestiny) said, "next time, confront the craving and don't hide behind it." When the next craving comes, confront it. If it's something I have to give into, that's fine, as long as it's within moderation. And by all means, don't hide behind it.
Don't forget to enter my Measure Up Bowls Giveaway contest. See the rules here. Contest ends Nov. 15th.