Another great exercise morning...

Well, I did another thing today that I haven't done in probably over a year.

I did Tae Bo!

I have a video of Billy Banks, his Cardio Circuit I Tae Bo video. I bought it maybe 10 years ago and since I've had it, I've maybe watched it 10 times. But I remember watching it several times last year when I first started this whole thing and, well, that was 95 pounds ago and I could barely make it past the 15 minute mark.

Today I did the whole 35 minutes and it really wasn't that bad at all!

In fact, I got to parts in the video that I'd never even seen before. Was really cool.

My legs are still a little sore from running on Wednesday, and I'm so uncorrdinated, but I gave it my all and didn't stop—not once.

I remember last year huffing and puffing and thinking I was going to pass out if I didn't stop. Now I didn't do that at all.

Woo hoo!

On the food front, I haven't done that great. I had Kraft Macaroni & Cheese on Monday night for dinner. I haven't had Kraft in maybe 2 or 3 years. It used to be my comfort food and also the food we'd buy when money got real tight. It's cheap, you know. And filling. And then last night I had sausage with peppers and onions. I used Hillshire Farm's Turkey Polska Kialbasa which was 97% fat free. Each meal was about 15 points.

Now, neither of these were over points. I haven't used any of my flex points, so I still stayed within my points, but for some reason I gained 2 pounds after eating the mac & cheese and another one pound after the sausage & peppers. But for whatever reason, the food stuck to me.

I only exercised twice this week, but both times it was a great workout.

Oh, well. I don't think I'm going to make my 100 pounds by Thanksgiving. That's okay. I knew it was too much to do anyways. It was just something that I really wanted to do so bad. Now, I'm just hoping I can get back to 96 pounds by Thanksgiving. I gained 1.4 last week. I stand to gain another 2-3 pounds this week.

Onward and upward, right?

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Wednesday morning run...

So I did something this morning that I haven't done since July... I went running.

Can you believe that?

I was thinking about it the other day about how I haven't gone running in forever. I've just been biking and walking. This was a nice change of pace. Although my lungs are killing me, now. It is 40 degrees (fahrenheit) out there. It felt really good, though, until I started breathing real hard, then my nose and lungs started burning.

Then I had a sneezing bout when I got back inside. I think it was because my nose was so cold outside and it was so warm in here. :]

I was watching Biggest Loser last night and saw how they ran for 10 miles outside. I thought 10 MILES??? Man, that's a lot for such large people. So I thought, well, I'm smaller than all of them so I should be able to do that, right?

LOL

I ran for a half a mile and thought I was going to die!

I think they're in much better shape than I am, you think?

They've been working out in the gym for like 8 hours a day for the past couple of months. Even though they may be 50 or 100 pounds larger than me, I'm sure they're in MUCH better shape than I am right now.

So I'll be content with my half a mile and count it an accomplishment. I've never run a half a mile before—non-stop. The community I live in is a half a mile around the loop. So I started out walking then started running after one lap around. I only made it half way around running and I thought my heart was going to beat right out of my chest. So I walked for a lap and then started running again. I had planned on running a half a lap again but as I got closer to the half way mark, I said to myself, just go to that next bend in the road, you can do that. So I did. Then as I was approaching that bend, I said go to the next bend. So I did. Then as I got to that bend, I said, you can go all the way around, now, you're more than three-quarters of the way around. So I went all the way around. That was enough. I walked for a half a lap and then went in.

It might not sound like alot, but that was a huge accomplishment for me!

I forgot to put on my heart rate monitor this morning, so I don't know how many calories I burned or how high my heart rate got.

Oh, well. Great exercise time this morning!

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I will not be moved!

I think I'm making it through this whole thing.

I haven't been having the bad cravings lately. I've been sticking to my points—even on Saturday, can you believe that?! I feel really good.

Things in my life are still up in the air. Its like someone picked up every aspect of my life and just tossed it up in the air and I'm looking up wondering what's going to drop first and how bad it'll hurt when it falls.

But I'm doing okay.

I heard a song on the radio yesterday that I haven't heard in a while and it reminded me of how it is that I'm getting through all of this. I found the video on YouTube...




For those of you on dial-up, here are the lyrics:

"Will Not Be Moved"
by Natalie Grant

I have been the wayward child
I have acted out
I have questioned Sovereignty
And had my share of doubt
And though sometimes my prayers feel like
They're bouncing off the sky
The hand I hold won't let me go
And is the reason why...

I will stumble
I will fall down
But I will not be moved
I will make mistakes
I will face heartache
But I will not be moved
On Christ the Solid Rock I stand
All other ground is sinking sand
I will not be moved

Bitterness has plagued my heart
Many times before
My life has been like broken glass
And I have kept the score
Of all my shattered dreams and though it seemed
That I was far too gone
My brokenness helped me to see
It's grace I'm standing on

I will stumble
I will fall down
But I will not be moved
I will make mistakes
I will face heartache
But I will not be moved
On Christ the Solid Rock I stand
All other ground is sinking sand
I will not be moved

And the chaos in my life
Has been a badge I've worn
Though I have been torn
I will not be moved

I will stumble
I will fall down
But I will not be moved
I will make mistakes
I will face heartache
But I will not be moved
On Christ the Solid Rock I stand
All other ground is sinking sand
I will not be moved


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another saturday another gain...

I know how it happened but it doesn't make it feel any better.

I gained 1.4 pounds this week.

The thing that makes me the maddest is how I sacrificed and controlled my cravings and stuck to the plan and did everything right and didn't cheat at all (except for last Saturday). And by Wednesday I'd lost all 3 pounds that I'd gained on Saturday. But for some reason I gained a pound on Wednesday that showed up on the scales by Thursday morning. Then another half pound by Saturday morning.

But I really know what happened, I just don't like it. I didn't exercise. My days of losing weight by just eating right are gone. From here on out its gonna get harder. Like it hasn't been hard enough already right?

The saddest part about all of this is I now have 6 pounds to lose over the next 4 weeks in order to meet my interim goal of losing those 100 pounds by Thanksgiving. That's a lot!

What if I don't make it? I've always known there was a possibility that I wouldn't meet my challenge but I always thought I would.

Well I guess I know what I'll be doing next week...

Exercising my butt off!

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Ok, this ride is fun & all but...

Hubby is home!


I brought him home from the hosp yesterday. What a day that was!


On the way home a big truck changed lanes too soon & almost hit me. I slammed on the brakes & layed on the horn. I'm sure that wasn't much fun for hubby. Then we're on the interstate half way home & I spilled my coffee in the floor & all over my right leg. Note to self: stop drinking coffee while driving down interstate.


Needless to say my car will smell like hazelnut until I can get the carpet shampooed.


So I get hubby settled in at home and then go get his new prescriptions. They have to call the doc because they can't read his writting for one of the scripts. Ugh!


Wait, wait, wait.


Only to find out that it's an over the counter item. :[


Then back home (after spending an hour at the drug store) with his meds.


Then back to work after getting him set up with everything he could possibly need at home. Gotta take care of my man, you know!


Now, I'm so completely spent. My eating has been totally under control through it all, though. Can you believe it?


I've actually been able to get those 3 extra pounds off from my fun eating this past Saturday. Still haven't exercised any at all this week. I really want to go biking tomorrow morning. I got 10 hours of sleep last night but I still feel exausted. I only had to get up with hubby twice during the night. He's recuperating so well.


Then I had to spend 3 hours in the dentist's chair this morning. On top of everything else, I have a gum infection & 2 cavities! I'm so ready to get off of this ride!


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Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

Still going...

Hubby's still in the hosp. He's in so much pain. They took him off of the introvinous (sp?) pain meds & put him on pill form. Something about getting his system used to it for when he goes home. Of course it doesn't work anywhere near as good & takes a long time to take effect. Ugh!


If he keeps the pain like he has now, I don't see him going home any time soon. The pain just isn't getting any better at all.


Doc says he might get to go home tomorrow. I can't imagine him being in this much pain at home, though. I'm sure we'd end up right back in the er.


On a slightly lighter note, I was back on plan again today. Last night I stuck to fruit & veggies for dinner. Then today every thing was normal food untill dinner tonight in the hosp. I had grilled (tasteless) chicken with steamed carrots & a side of fresh fruit.


When I weighed myself this morning, I wad up 3 pounds since Saturday's weigh in. Big surprise there (not). Oh, well. I didn't go biking this morning either. At 5:15 this morning, I was so tired my body ached. I had to hit snooze & sleep another 2 hours. I want so badly to go walking with the girls in the morning but here I sit in the dark, by hubbys hosp bed blogging on my blackberry at 12:30 am. Hubby just finally got to sleep. I don't know how long he'll stay asleep. I'm gonna get some sleep while he's out. I think walking in the morning is probably out of the question.


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Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

What an interesting weekend...

Wow, what a weekend!

Yesterday started at 1:30 am. Hubby woke me up in intense pain & I took him to the emergency room. See, he had surgery on Tuesday and had been healing ok except he had been running a fever off & on. But yesterday afternoon it got real high & the doc prescribed a stronger antibiotic. But by 1 am his fever was still high & he was in excruciating pain

Here's a pic of hubby in his hospital bed. :,[ That chair to the left with the pillow in it was my bed for the weekend. Oh, what an uncomfortable thing. But I'm sure he wasn't much more comfortable in his bed.

Hospital emergency rooms are no fun @ all. We had to wait for hours to finally see the Dr on call. Then wait for him to finally talk to hubby's Dr. Then finally by 6:30am they admitted him. So while he was waiting to be put in his room and get another test, I went home & took a shower & went to WW to weigh in.

I can't believe it but I actually lost 2/10ths of a pound! When I weighed myself at home, I'd gained a pound since last Saturday. So I was totally shocked that I pulled a loss.

Needless to say, I didn't stay for the meeting. I had to WI though because I still haven't missed a weigh in since I started WW in May 2007. Every week, without fail.

So after the good news of the loss, I headed back to the hospital. I stopped on the way & got a cup of coffee & a donut. That's right, a donut. It was a pumpkin spice cake donut. I figured I deserved it. Although I didn't exercise at all last week, I was very strict on my food intake. It was a really good donut, too.

So back at the hosp, the doc said hubby would have to stay until at least Sunday, maybe longer, to see how the infection & fever & pain progresses. So we settled in for the day. Right before lunch, he had a horrible attach of pain. Its the most pain I've EVER seen him in. Was awful.!

Finally got some super pain meds & got settled down. So I went down & got some lunch in the hospital cafeteria. Wow, the food was good! I splurged & got Stuffed Shells (stuffed with ricotta cheese & herbs in a bitter cream sauce) with yellow squash. Man, was that good. It tasted like real food. Wait, it was real food. I had a piece of turtle pie for dessert. Man, what a lunch!

And for dinner I had Swedish Meatballs dripping in cream sauce with yellow squash again and au gratin potatoes. Oh my gosh those potatoes were killer! And they had given me like three servings worth, too. Mmmmm!

Now, I know what you're thinking, I've fallen off the wagon. But I didn't. I thoroughly enjoyed myself but that's behind me now. For breakfast this morning I had my Kashi cereal with soy milk and for lunch I had a salad with a turkey on wheat sandwich.

I think yesterday came along just at the right time. I thoroughly enjoyed the "real" food I've been missing lately. And it didn't even make me sick to my stomach or anything. I enjoyed it & got it out of my system.

The true test will be dinner tonight. I will choose wisely. I will be tempted though, but I won't indulge.

I'm writing this post sitting by hubby's hospital bed on my cell phone so please pardon any typos up there. Blogger has a cool new feature where I can write a post on my cell phone & either email it or send an MMS text message to a specific email address & it will automatically post it to my blog. And if I attach a photo to the message it'll post the picture as well.

So here goes nothing. Hopefully when I send this message, it'll show up on my blog. Hope it works.

--Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

UPDATE 10/20/08: I didn't eat anything bad yesterday for dinner. I had only veggies and fruit because they didn't have any healthy meat. So I'm still back on track. Yea! Hubby's still in hosp and still in lots of pain.

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one day at a time...

Well, I didn't have any bad cravings today. I even went to Steak N Shake for lunch and I had a salad and was fine with it. I did sniff a little too much at the chili with cheese that passed under my nose and over to my daughter. But that was it, I looked at my salad and was perfectly content. It actually wasn't that bad. I didn't think it would take me all the way through the afternoon, salads never do. But this one had chicken and apples and nuts and cran-raisins and I made it all the way to 4 o'clock before I got hungry.

I didn't have anything to eat at my desk. I'd eaten my last Fiber One bar yesterday. We have vending machines at work, but they've got nothing but junk in them. Sure, they say there's healthy things in there, and technically there is, but they're all high in fat and sugar. So you'll never guess what I had to tie me over until dinner? ... a cupcake

My boss had brought in these adorable cupcakes she'd made at home. Vanilla with strawberry icing. They looked so pretty in pink. And they smelled so wonderful.

I didn't have anything else to eat, so I ate it.

It was yummy.

I ate it over the course of about a half hour, one little bite after another, savoring it.

But I did good for dinner, though, and now I'm not hungry. I don't think I'll want anything more for the evening, so I don't think the cupcake ruined my day. It was a pleasant little pick-me-up actually.

I'm still keeping the "food monsters" at bay. I haven't indulged in anything yet (other than the cupcake and that was just to keep me from passing out from hunger, you know). A friend from another blog said to me "Put yourself back in your shoes, 100 lbs ago. Was that girl honestly so happy eating whatever she wanted that you'd give up everything you've worked so hard for?". She's right, you know. I remember sitting on the edge of my bed in the mornings crying because my clothes (size 26/28) were too tight for me. I remember all of those horrible feelings. I remember being so embarrassed. I remember it all like it was yesterday. I don't ever, EVER, want to go back to that person. I won't. I just have to get past this hurdle.

I know it's all in my perspective. I do need to look at the food differently. Rather than "real" food, it really should be "bad" food. I just remember how good it all tasted and it's so hard for me to look at it as bad. But I know I must.

It won't be easy or fun, but I must keep going.

I'm afraid I've gained a pound this week. I put it on last Saturday after I had BBQ at Sonny's and I can't get it to come off. Gee, do you think not exercising one day this week might have caused that one pound to stay on??? I can't believe I've gone ALL week without exercising. Last week I was so good and even exercised twice on the weekend. I gotta get back there!

By the way, you guys should pop on over to Jenn's blog. She made lifetime last week! She started WW the week before I did. Of course, she had a LOT less to lose than I do. But I'm proud of her for sticking to it and succeeding! Tell her I said hi!

Look what accosted me at the grocery store on the way home today. You guys! I'm telling you! These things are haunting me where ever I go!!!!!

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It's still hard, but hopefully it'll get easier soon...

I want to thank you guys for all your encouraging comments yesterday. I need to hear things like that. I know this will all pass. I just have to make it past this hurdle. I'm still only 4 pounds away from the 100 pound mark and I'm not giving in to anything. No food will tempt me into jumping track and heading down a different route. I'm firmly grappled on these rails. I just wish I didn't see all those food bilboards flying by as I'm whizing down the track. And darn it when the train has to make a stop. I get so tempted to stop and get off for a short while. Sometimes I do. I always regret it, though, and right now I want to make an extended layover in Real Foodtown.

Eye on the prize. I know. I've come too far. It's just so darn hard and I'm tired of it being hard. But I have to keep focusing on the positive and the good things like you guys mentioned. Yes, I feel much better now. No, I don't ever want to be fat again. Yes, I know what that "real" food will do to my body if I eat it. I know I'll get sick. I know it'll make me unhealthy. So I just need to keep focusing in on these things and push through. And I'll be honest with you, as hard as this is, THERE IS NO WAY I'LL EVER DO THIS AGAIN. So that's motivation enough to lose it and keep it off for life, right?

I did had two wonderful things happen recently. Maybe verbalizing these will help me with my struggles.

#1, this is going to sound silly and if you want to laugh out loud, to right ahead. I was walking out to the car to go to lunch and all of the sudden I noticed something. I didn't hear my legs swishing up against each other as I walked. You know when you're wearing pantyhose and you hear that "swish, swish, swish, swish" and your inner thighs squishing together? Well, I don't know when it happened, but I can't hear them making any noise any more. How awesome is that? For me, that was always something I was so embarrassed about and absolutely hated, was the sound of my legs rubbing up against each other.

#2, I got my wedding rings resized. They haven't fit on my ring finger for over a year, now. I've been wearing them on whatever fingers they'd stay on as I lost weight. I figured since I'm only 30 pounds from goal that it was safe to get them resized because I probably won't lose much more in my fingers. So now I feel married again. What a wonderful feeling to look down and see my wedding band and engagement ring on the correct finger on the correct hand!

I am still having a hard time with this whole thing, though. I sat there this afternoon craving fried chicken. A friend from work asked if I could have "good" fried chicken. I thought about it and I could use bread crumbs and spray oil to make some "alternative" fried chicken. And maybe I'll do that, but it won't curb the craving, you know? I just have to take the cravings as they hit me over the head and pick them up and put them in the trash. Maybe visualizing that will help me get through this. Picture that... a piece of fried chicken just fell from the ceiling and hit me on the head... so instead of picking it up and going to town on it, I pick it up and trow it in the trash can then I take the trash out and go and wash my hands. Visualize it and it'll stop me from thinking about how appealing it all sounds. Or I could visualize me taking a big piece of packing tape and taping the piece of chicken to my hip, because that's where it would go if I ate it, right?

I'm trying. I really am.

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when will it ever end...

I’m so tired of being on a diet. Oh, excuse me, a “lifestyle”.

I’ve been doing this for 17 MONTHS!!!

NONE STOP!

Die Hard!

I’m just so tired of not eating what I want.

I just want to sit down and eat a meal without counting calories and fat and fiber... and points. It’s like points have become the enemy. I’m tired of indulging, only have to work my tail off to get the extra pound(s) to come off before my next weigh in. It’s like, I look at the food that I’m eating and say “okay, this is way too many calories, I’m going to have to work out extra this week to work it off.” And I’m tired of making deals with my food. I want to just sit down and eat what I want to eat without there being conditions put on it.

I don’t think I’m asking too much.

I want to eat real potato chips with real cream cheese and greasy onion rings with real ranch dressing and real eggs with real cheddar cheese & real butter and a fatty steak with a baked potato loaded with everything and cheese fries loaded with real cheddar and real bacon and dripping in spicy ranch dressing and real coconut cream pie and real whole milk and real milk shakes and lots of chocolate and Reese's cups (not one Reese's cup) and greasy cheeseburgers with french fries with sour cream and McDonalds sausage biscuits with cheese and hash browns every morning for breakfast and real homemade macaroni and cheese and real lasagna made with real pasta and fatty ground beef and, and, and...

Oh, sure, I can have reduced fat and low sugar and fat free versions of everything I named up there. But its just not the same. And I want to eat these things to my heart’s content. I don’t want to stop when I’m “satisfied”. I want to stop eating when I’m stuffed... like I used to do. Are those days gone forever??!!

But alas, I have 4 pounds to go to reach 100 pounds so none of these things will cross my lips. Not one!

But when will they be able to?

Will they ever?

I feel like I’m missing a life long friend that I haven’t talked to in years, knowing that our relationship will never be the same no matter what I say to try and patch things up. I feel really sad about this whole thing.

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today was a cupcake day...

Today went very well. I carried 2 dozen chocolate cupcakes to work with me today and only had ONE of them. I had planned on having just one, too, so everything went as planned. Besides, they were my yummy 3 Point Reduced Fat Chocolate Cupcakes (recipe below). I still can't believe they're only 3 points a piece. I'm glad that they're all gone, though. These things are dangerous to keep around the house, let me tell you. But if you ever get the chance to make them to where you can give them all away, do it! You just HAVE to try this recipe.

Their secret was to reduce the amount of fatty ingredients and replace them with rich tasting low-fat and in some cases fat-free ingredients. Like taking out most of the butter (but still using a little bit of REAL butter) and adding low-fat buttermilk to make up for the dip in flavor you'd get without the real butter. And they also used about 1/3 of the amount of chocolate you'd use in a regular recipe (and when I say chocolate, I mean REAL chocolate) and substituted some fat free dutch cocoa powder. It's simple things like that, that reduced the amount of fat in the recipe but didn't skimp on taste AT ALL.

I have been so against reduced fat recipes since I started this whole diet thing. For me, reduced fat means reduced flavor. But I think I've stumbled across something here. Now I'm going to start looking for recipes that have low-fat substitutes that don't skimp on taste. Like I hate finding a recipe that calls for margarine instead of butter. Yuck! I also hate a recipe that calls for Splenda instead of sugar. Both of those are a flavor killer for me. I'd rather go for the fatty ingredients and just cut back on my portions.

So now the search is on for low-fat recipes that don't skimp on flavor.

The rest of my day went good. I ate what I was supposed to eat and had a very uneventful food day. I didn't go biking this morning. I hate it when I don't go biking for no apparent reason. But this was one of those morning, this morning. And tomorrow I can't go walking (made other family commitments). But I'll be back to biking on Wednesday. Not to worry.

So as I promised, here's the recipe. Enjoy!!

Reduced-Fat Chocolate Cupcakes
Make 2 dozen
(The original recipe was from Cook's Country website, but I've altered it just a bit to my taste)

3 ounces unsweetened chocolate, chopped
2 tablespoons chocolate syrup
1 1/2 cups flour
3/4 cup dutch processed dark chocolate cocoa powder
1 tsp baking powder
1 tsp baking soda
1/4 teaspoon table salt
6 tablespoons unsalted butter , softened but still cool, cut into 1-inch pieces
1 1/4 cups sugar
2 large eggs
1 tsp vanilla extract
2 tsp instant coffee granules
1 1/2 cups low-fat buttermilk

1. Adjust oven rack to center position and heat oven to 350 degrees. Place 24 paper liners in cupcake pan.

2. Melt chocolate then combine with chocolate syrup in a small bowl, set aside. Whisk together flour, cocoa powder, baking powder, baking soda, and salt in medium bowl. Chocolate will be very thick and fudgy.

3. Beat butter in larger bowl with electric mixer at medium speed until smooth, about a minute. Add sugar and continue to beat until well incorporated, a minute longer, stopping mixer as necessary to scrape down bowl. Add melted chocolate mixture and beat until mixture looks thick and grainy, about 1 minute. Add eggs, vanilla, and instant coffee. Beat at medium-high until fluffy and pale brown, 2 minutes. With mixer on low, add one-third flour mixture, followed by half of buttermilk. Repeat, ending with flour mixture. Scrape down bowl, increase speed to medium, and beat until creamy and without lumps, about 30 seconds. Give batter final stir.

4. Pour batter into prepared cupcake papers to about half way full. Bake until toothpick inserted into center of cupcakes comes out with a few crumbs attached, 20 to 25 minutes. Cool on wire rack 20 minutes then frost with Reduced Fat Chocolate Icing (below).

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Reduced-Fat Chocolate Frosting
Makes 1 cup

3 tablespoons unsalted butter
1 ounce unsweetened chocolate , chopped
1/4 tsp table salt
1/4 tsp instant coffee granules
1/2 cup dutch processed cocoa powder
2 1/2 cups confectioners' sugar
1/2 cup 2% skim milk

1. Melt butter and chocolate together until smooth. Stir in salt and coffee granules until dissolved, then transfer to medium bowl to cool, 10 minutes.

2. Whisk cocoa and confectioners’ sugar in medium bowl. Using electric mixer at low speed, gradually add cocoa mixture to melted chocolate mixture (mixture will appear grainy). Gradually add milk, beating until milk is completely incorporated. Increase speed to medium-high and beat until light and creamy, about 1 minute.

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the weekend didn't go too bad...

So, Saturday, I was bad. Can you blame me?!

After all, I did lost 4 POUNDS last week. So I couldn't resist being bad for a day.

So for lunch we went to Sonny's BBQ (probably one of the worst places on the planet to eat—fat wise). I had BBQ pulled pork, french fries, and a sweet potato (with cinnamon butter). That was it. So it wasn't too bad, right? Then I didn't eat any dinner. But we had some yummy cheese and crackers. We got Laughing Cow light french onion swiss cheese and All Bran baked crackers. Man was that yummy! I had probably 50 crackers and 4 wedges of cheese. So even though the snacking was healthy, I did go overboard with it. But at least I binged on healthy food, right.

Sunday morning, we went for breakfast before church again. I behaved, though. Egg beater omelet with veggies and no cheese, a half a cup of oatmeal and one slice of wheat toast. Was only a 10 point breakfast (like the way I say only?).

I think all in all I had a decent weekend, food-wise. I only gained a pound from it all.

I didn't go biking this morning. I have no excuse. Just didn't want to.

Oh, the best part of the weekend was last night. I made low fat chocolate cupcakes. I've always said I would never make "diet" cupcakes because, what's the point, right? If you're gonna have a treat, it should be the real thing. Who wants to eat a sub-par treat, right? Well, these were amazing! So moist and rich in flavor. I can't believe they're diet!! I'll post the recipe for you tomorrow. But here's a picture of one of them just to tempt you. They were only 3 points per cupcake.

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i'm losing it, again!

I really hate that I haven't been blogging that much lately. I think my problem is that when I don't blog for a while, I write a really long blog. I think I need to get into the habit of writing short blogs, that way they're not so intimidating and I'll do them more often. I just don't have time to sit down and blog very much lately.

But I know I must. That's the only way I'll keep myself on track and keep losing. You guys are such a huge help for me to keep on track! THANKS!

Weigh in was today. I lost 4 pounds! I'm so happy. After gaining 2 pounds last week, I really needed this big loss.

I worked hard for it, too. I rode my bike both Saturday and Sunday of last weekend. I didn't ride my bike or walk on Monday and Tuesday because I was having bad dizzy spells. Probably vertigo. I would sit up and my head would just spin and spin like I had just spun myself around 50 times. I just held on for the ride until it stopped. Then I was extremely light headed in between dizzy spells. If finally went away Tuesday by lunch time. So I went biking Wednesday and walking on Thursday. Then, UGH!, it was raining Friday morning so I couldn't go biking. But at least I did get those two extra days in of biking over the weekend so that helped alot, I'm sure.

I stuck to the basics—high protein, high fiber, veggies, fruits, dairy, and not snacks or indulgences at all.

Here's my favorite day of eating that'll help me lose up to a pound a day:

Breakfast: (3 points)
1 cup Kashi Go Lean cereal
1/2 cup vanilla soy milk

Lunch: (3 points)
1/2 cup pinto beans
chopped onion
1/2 cornbread muffin

Snack: (3 points)
South Beach Protein Cereal Bar

Dinner: (6 points)
3 cups mixed fresh fruit (watermelon, cantaloupe, grapes, strawberries, pineapples, honey dew melon, or whatever else I can find on sale in the produce isle)
1/3 to 1/2 cup 2% sharp cheddar cheese (cut up into cubes)
All Bran baked crackers (herb & garlic)

Snack: (4.5 points)
1/2 cup fresh pineapple
1 cup low fat cottage cheese

By the way, I didn't endulge on the powdered donuts. I won't eat any until I reach my 100 pound victory. I know I'm not supposed to set food as a reward for losing weight, but this is the exception.



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"18 Pounds in 18 Weeks"

Challenge Update! -
Week Eight (updates in bold below)

Me (sat WI) - lost 4 pounds
Bento Box Diet (sat WI) - No weigh in since week 4. Total loss 5.5 pounds. :[
Katschi (tues WI) - No weigh in since week 5. Total loss 3 pounds. :[
MaryFran (tues WI) - Lost .6 of a pound
Karyn (mon WI) - Lost 3.8 pounds!!
Donna (mon WI) - No update from last week.
Spunkysuzi (sun WI) - Gained 1 pound
Cathy (fri WI) - Lost 2.6 pounds
Christine K. Sader - Lost 3.8 pounds

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i dream of powdered donuts...

Well, folks, I gained 2 POUNDS this past week. :,,[

Oh my gosh, I hate weight loss!

I'm so tired of sacrificing. I'm so tired of denial. I'm so tired of being so "dedicated" to it all. I just want to be 30 pounds lighter (excuse me, that's 32 pounds, now).

I think I might have to step up my game, now. My usual bag of tricks have stopped working.

Last week, I counted my points and only ate about half of my flex points. I exercised 4 days—biked for an hour 3 times and then walked for an hour once. But here was my problem... Last Saturday, we went to Aunt Edris' birthday party and I ate real food (home baked macaroni and cheese, smoked ham (not light), potato salad (real mayo), deviled eggs (mmmmm)) and I had a huge piece of birthday cake (of course the corner piece) and then a piece of chocolate cream pie. So when I weighed myself Sunday morning, I was up 2 pounds. Then, instead of getting back on track, we went out to breakfast before church and I got a real breakfast (sausage patty, egg beater omelet (with cheese) home fries (with grilled onions and peppers) and a huge piece of wheat toast with real butter and jam—the kind where the first ingredient is High Fructose Corn Syrup!). I was back on plan after that meal, though, but it didn't do any good because when I weighed myself Monday morning I was up another pound.

Then I couldn't get those 3 pounds off all week. Not until Friday when I finally dropped one pound.

So this weekend, I'm not splurging. I think I'm going to have to go die hard (ugh, I hate the sound of that). Because if I don't, I'm not going to make my 100 pound goal by Thanksgiving. Now I have 9 pounds to go and only 8 weigh ins left. So I'm behind the eight ball again.

I went biking yesterday. Though it was a leisure ride with my daughter, it was still exercise. I'm going to go again today. I'm trying to talk hubby into going with me, but if he doesn't go, I'll go by myself. I'm going to exercise 7 days this week. And so far, I haven't eaten any of my flex points. Yesterday I had a half a point left over. Today I'm doing good so far. We went out for breakfast again this week before church, but this time I was sensible. I had an egg beater, veggie omelet (no cheese) with oatmeal and wheat toast. The whole meal was 11 points (mainly because I had to use real butter and jam on my one piece of toast and real milk in my coffee and oatmeal).

I've already decided what my "congratulations splurge" food item will be when I hit 100 pounds—
a whole bag of powdered donuts (I'm sure I'll puke). These things have been haunting me for the past several months. I'm not usually a big fan of powdered donuts but I think because I haven't had any in a year and a half they're looking so good right now. I keep seeing them in the store EVERY TIME I go. It's like they're hiding just around the corner of every isle just waiting for me to pass buy so they can jump out in front of me and try to trip me. Most times, they don't actually trip me, but a couple of times, they've actually slapped me across the face. Don't they just look heavenly.

This past weekend in my WW meeting, the leader (we had a sub this week) was talking about denying ourselves of food—like on the "fad diets" and how it's not good to do because you'll end up binging. (On a side note, any weight loss program that tells me I can't eat what I want to is considered a diet to me. I mean, I get the whole "lifestyle" thing, but seriously, a diet means—you can't eat this or that. And on WW, I can't eat all the powdered donuts I want. That's a diet to me.) But anyways, here's my problem... I don't know how to eat these donuts without overeating. See, here's the problem. They come in a bag. There's like 50 of them in a bag (or 30 or however many there are). So say I was to buy the bag and only eat one—which I seriously think I could do. Then there are 49 more of them just glaring at me through the little cellophane window—EAT ME!!! Can you hear them? I can. And I know that the next day I'd have one. Then maybe another one in the afternoon. And many one more before dinner. They'd probably all be gone before the end of the third day in the house. I just don't see how I can satisfy my craving without overeating.

I thought about going to Dunkin Donuts or Krispy Kreme and getting one powdered donut. But, oh my gosh, there's no way I could even step one foot inside one of those places. I know I'd totally lose it and get just one more and maybe another one and before I left would have a whole dozen and have eaten half of them on the way home. I can't be trusted in a donut shop, that's for sure.

So I'll resign myself to setting that as my 100 pound goal and keep dreaming of that day.

Until then, sacrifice, deny, and under-indulge in EVERYTHING.

Oh, hey, I just found a link to Rocco's recipes from a couple of weeks ago on The Biggest Loser. Check these out. I'm definitely trying the Chicken Alfredo. You know how long it's been since I had Alfredo sauce?? I can't even remember!


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"18 Pounds in 18 Weeks"

Challenge Update! -
Week Eight (updates in bold below)

Bento Box Diet (sat WI) - No weigh in since week 4. Total loss 5.5 pounds. :[
Katschi (tues WI) - No weigh in since week 5. Total loss 3 pounds. :[
MaryFran (tues WI) - She was at 186.4 (I'm not sure if that was a gain or loss)
Karyn (mon WI) - Lost 2/10ths of a pound
Donna (mon WI) - No update from last week.
Spunkysuzi (sun WI) - Lost 1.2 pounds
Cathy (fri WI) - Lost 2.6 pounds
Christine K. Sader -

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the things I think about...

I'm sorry I haven't been posting alot lately. Actually, I think it's been a week since I've posted. I've been really busy, lately, but mostly I think I've just been in a funk again. Life just keeps moving along whether I want it to or not.

I've been exercising and eating just like I should. I walked once this week and biked 3 times. I over indulged just a little bit last weekend, but not really all that bad. But for some reason, I'm still up 3 pounds since last Saturday's weigh in.

I've been noticing how good I feel lately. I mean, 94 pounds gone! My body feels so much better. I feel more confident. I don't feel like everyone is starring at me thinking "ugh, look at that fat slob". I almost feel normal again. Like it wouldn't be so weird if some guy actually looked at me and though "wow, she's cute".

People have been telling me how good I look alot lately. That helps so much, you know. It makes all this sacrifices a little more worth it. And I'm so proud of the weight I've lost. People are always so shocked when they find out how much I've lost. And I'm so proud to tell anyone how much I've lost. It's almost like "Hi, my name is Cara. Did you know I've lost 94 pounds?) :]

Then they're surprised to hear that I have 30 pounds more to go. I know, alot of them are just being nice and saying 'you look so good, you don't need to lose any more', because that's the polite thing to say. But it still feels good to hear them say that.

I wonder how much of this 30 pounds is the extra skin I have hanging on my body? My arms are so darn floppy and my tummy just hangs. I just wonder if I'll get down so low and I won't be able to lose any more because it'll be the extra skin. I wonder if it'll go away? I wonder if I'll continue losing weight as the years go by and the skin "evaporates".

And where does the skin go? It'll eventually shrink back down to normal size (I hope!). I know some of it might not just because it's too far stretched out. But some of it will. And where will it go? It's kind of weird to think of, you know?

That's one thing I've always been fascinated by is when people lose a huge amount of weight and they're still young enough for the skin to shrink back down, how does that effect their weight loss? Like Kelly Fields from the Biggest Loser last season. She started at 271 pounds and lost 109 during the show. She was only 3 years younger than me so I figure we're in the same boat. When she got down to the finale, you could still see a little bit of flab on her, which I'm sure was the extra skin. She was 162 pounds. But I wonder how much of that weight was the skin. I'll bet a younger competitor could have lost more just because their extra skin went away whereas it took Kelly (and me) alot more time to get rid of the extra skin.

I don't know. These are the things I think about.

Hope you're all doing well. I'll visit your blogs and get caught up on everyone over the weekend.

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