Thursday, October 16, 2008

It's still hard, but hopefully it'll get easier soon...

I want to thank you guys for all your encouraging comments yesterday. I need to hear things like that. I know this will all pass. I just have to make it past this hurdle. I'm still only 4 pounds away from the 100 pound mark and I'm not giving in to anything. No food will tempt me into jumping track and heading down a different route. I'm firmly grappled on these rails. I just wish I didn't see all those food bilboards flying by as I'm whizing down the track. And darn it when the train has to make a stop. I get so tempted to stop and get off for a short while. Sometimes I do. I always regret it, though, and right now I want to make an extended layover in Real Foodtown.

Eye on the prize. I know. I've come too far. It's just so darn hard and I'm tired of it being hard. But I have to keep focusing on the positive and the good things like you guys mentioned. Yes, I feel much better now. No, I don't ever want to be fat again. Yes, I know what that "real" food will do to my body if I eat it. I know I'll get sick. I know it'll make me unhealthy. So I just need to keep focusing in on these things and push through. And I'll be honest with you, as hard as this is, THERE IS NO WAY I'LL EVER DO THIS AGAIN. So that's motivation enough to lose it and keep it off for life, right?

I did had two wonderful things happen recently. Maybe verbalizing these will help me with my struggles.

#1, this is going to sound silly and if you want to laugh out loud, to right ahead. I was walking out to the car to go to lunch and all of the sudden I noticed something. I didn't hear my legs swishing up against each other as I walked. You know when you're wearing pantyhose and you hear that "swish, swish, swish, swish" and your inner thighs squishing together? Well, I don't know when it happened, but I can't hear them making any noise any more. How awesome is that? For me, that was always something I was so embarrassed about and absolutely hated, was the sound of my legs rubbing up against each other.

#2, I got my wedding rings resized. They haven't fit on my ring finger for over a year, now. I've been wearing them on whatever fingers they'd stay on as I lost weight. I figured since I'm only 30 pounds from goal that it was safe to get them resized because I probably won't lose much more in my fingers. So now I feel married again. What a wonderful feeling to look down and see my wedding band and engagement ring on the correct finger on the correct hand!

I am still having a hard time with this whole thing, though. I sat there this afternoon craving fried chicken. A friend from work asked if I could have "good" fried chicken. I thought about it and I could use bread crumbs and spray oil to make some "alternative" fried chicken. And maybe I'll do that, but it won't curb the craving, you know? I just have to take the cravings as they hit me over the head and pick them up and put them in the trash. Maybe visualizing that will help me get through this. Picture that... a piece of fried chicken just fell from the ceiling and hit me on the head... so instead of picking it up and going to town on it, I pick it up and trow it in the trash can then I take the trash out and go and wash my hands. Visualize it and it'll stop me from thinking about how appealing it all sounds. Or I could visualize me taking a big piece of packing tape and taping the piece of chicken to my hip, because that's where it would go if I ate it, right?

I'm trying. I really am.



Karyn said...

The only thing to laugh at in this post is visualizing the piece of chicken falling on your head and you putting it in the trash. Even better....duct taping the chicken to your hip! LOL. I love it.

As far as laughing at you because your legs don't make rubbing noises together? NO LAUGHING MATTER, that! THAT is simply awesome!!!! I cannot wait until I can report the same thing. Or until I can say that the knees in my jeans wear out before the inside of the thighs.

Jenn said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Jenn said...

Oh yeah! I keep waiting for the day that my thighs don't touch each other!

Hey, I noticed that you refer to those tempting foods as "real foods". Maybe you should try changing your perspective on those foods so you don't feel as if you are being deprived of something great. Because we all know how dangerous that is. Maybe start referring to them as "bad foods" since they are bad for you. Or something like that to make you associate with them differently. If you keep doing that you're feelings toward those foods may change. Just a thought :)

spunkysuzi said...

Thighs not rubbing together?? Awesome!! You have such strength when you need it and you are definitely an inspiration to me!!

SeaShore said...

Congrats. Those are terrific NSVs! I'll be moved to tears if there comes a time when my thighs don't touch!

I like Jenn's suggestion about changing our perspective about certain foods. Foods that are bad for us are not our friends.

If you do find yourself indulging in that chicken, eat the greasiest piece you can find. What it will do to your stomach could be considered aversion therapy! ;)