Friday, October 17, 2008

one day at a time...

Well, I didn't have any bad cravings today. I even went to Steak N Shake for lunch and I had a salad and was fine with it. I did sniff a little too much at the chili with cheese that passed under my nose and over to my daughter. But that was it, I looked at my salad and was perfectly content. It actually wasn't that bad. I didn't think it would take me all the way through the afternoon, salads never do. But this one had chicken and apples and nuts and cran-raisins and I made it all the way to 4 o'clock before I got hungry.

I didn't have anything to eat at my desk. I'd eaten my last Fiber One bar yesterday. We have vending machines at work, but they've got nothing but junk in them. Sure, they say there's healthy things in there, and technically there is, but they're all high in fat and sugar. So you'll never guess what I had to tie me over until dinner? ... a cupcake

My boss had brought in these adorable cupcakes she'd made at home. Vanilla with strawberry icing. They looked so pretty in pink. And they smelled so wonderful.

I didn't have anything else to eat, so I ate it.

It was yummy.

I ate it over the course of about a half hour, one little bite after another, savoring it.

But I did good for dinner, though, and now I'm not hungry. I don't think I'll want anything more for the evening, so I don't think the cupcake ruined my day. It was a pleasant little pick-me-up actually.

I'm still keeping the "food monsters" at bay. I haven't indulged in anything yet (other than the cupcake and that was just to keep me from passing out from hunger, you know). A friend from another blog said to me "Put yourself back in your shoes, 100 lbs ago. Was that girl honestly so happy eating whatever she wanted that you'd give up everything you've worked so hard for?". She's right, you know. I remember sitting on the edge of my bed in the mornings crying because my clothes (size 26/28) were too tight for me. I remember all of those horrible feelings. I remember being so embarrassed. I remember it all like it was yesterday. I don't ever, EVER, want to go back to that person. I won't. I just have to get past this hurdle.

I know it's all in my perspective. I do need to look at the food differently. Rather than "real" food, it really should be "bad" food. I just remember how good it all tasted and it's so hard for me to look at it as bad. But I know I must.

It won't be easy or fun, but I must keep going.

I'm afraid I've gained a pound this week. I put it on last Saturday after I had BBQ at Sonny's and I can't get it to come off. Gee, do you think not exercising one day this week might have caused that one pound to stay on??? I can't believe I've gone ALL week without exercising. Last week I was so good and even exercised twice on the weekend. I gotta get back there!

By the way, you guys should pop on over to Jenn's blog. She made lifetime last week! She started WW the week before I did. Of course, she had a LOT less to lose than I do. But I'm proud of her for sticking to it and succeeding! Tell her I said hi!

Look what accosted me at the grocery store on the way home today. You guys! I'm telling you! These things are haunting me where ever I go!!!!!



Wendy said...

Okay, so I made it past the cupcakes this week (two sets!)and was more disciplined with my points this week and I lost a whopping -.02 at WI this a.m. UGH. The slow steady plodding is really waring on my "I WANT IT NOW" gremlin inside of me.

So, while this may not be the encouraging word I'm supposed to say to turn your thoughts around to positive, I must say: THANK YOU FOR BEING HONEST!!

As a newbie, I can relate to you better in your honesty. Wow...just four pounds away from your 100 lb. goal...but you are having some REAL STRUGGLES that I can relate to! Thanks for sharing those!

I "celebrated" with nachos tonight. THEN I looked up the points. Oh dear Lord. I think I ate my entire day's points IN JUST ONE PLATE.

Yes my stomach feels tight now. But I'm not going to beat myself up. I'm going to journal and drink some water and enjoy my Friday night.

Peace to you this weekend, my friend. Call if you want to talk.


Jenn said...

Thanks for the mention, Cara! I'm debating on whether to go to the meeting tomorrow morning. I so badly want to sleep in! But then N sent me a postcard and commented on my blog about coming. And Audrey will probably have Tex & Mex for me! So you may see me there.

You are doing good by writing about your struggles. I think that really helps you and others who read it. Remember, this too shall pass!