Wednesday, October 15, 2008
when will it ever end...
I’m so tired of being on a diet. Oh, excuse me, a “lifestyle”.
I’ve been doing this for 17 MONTHS!!!
I’m just so tired of not eating what I want.
I just want to sit down and eat a meal without counting calories and fat and fiber... and points. It’s like points have become the enemy. I’m tired of indulging, only have to work my tail off to get the extra pound(s) to come off before my next weigh in. It’s like, I look at the food that I’m eating and say “okay, this is way too many calories, I’m going to have to work out extra this week to work it off.” And I’m tired of making deals with my food. I want to just sit down and eat what I want to eat without there being conditions put on it.
I don’t think I’m asking too much.
I want to eat real potato chips with real cream cheese and greasy onion rings with real ranch dressing and real eggs with real cheddar cheese & real butter and a fatty steak with a baked potato loaded with everything and cheese fries loaded with real cheddar and real bacon and dripping in spicy ranch dressing and real coconut cream pie and real whole milk and real milk shakes and lots of chocolate and Reese's cups (not one Reese's cup) and greasy cheeseburgers with french fries with sour cream and McDonalds sausage biscuits with cheese and hash browns every morning for breakfast and real homemade macaroni and cheese and real lasagna made with real pasta and fatty ground beef and, and, and...
Oh, sure, I can have reduced fat and low sugar and fat free versions of everything I named up there. But its just not the same. And I want to eat these things to my heart’s content. I don’t want to stop when I’m “satisfied”. I want to stop eating when I’m stuffed... like I used to do. Are those days gone forever??!!
But alas, I have 4 pounds to go to reach 100 pounds so none of these things will cross my lips. Not one!
But when will they be able to?
Will they ever?
I feel like I’m missing a life long friend that I haven’t talked to in years, knowing that our relationship will never be the same no matter what I say to try and patch things up. I feel really sad about this whole thing.
at 7:08 PM