Rounding the corner and gaining momentum...

Well, today was weigh in...

Didn't do so good—according to the scale!

Gained 1 pound.

However, and this is a triumphant "however", I am not upset in the least little teeny tiny bit!

I HAD A GREAT WEEK!

• I ate truly healthy—no cheating.
  
• I exercised every day—yes every day.
  
• I didn't depend on the scale to tell me how I was doing—wow, was that hard!
  
• I drank tons of water every day—I think I can swim, now, without being in a pool.
  
• I exercised much more than I ever have—added two new regiments to my routine.
  
• I resisted extremely tempting food—twice.
• My cravings changed from wanting junky food to craving healthy food—never thought that would happen, seriously!
  

And most importantly, I feel great!

You know, if you look at the list above, for just one of these things to have happen to me last week would be a triumph. But to have all of them happen, is monumental! I really feel like I've turned the corner in my weight loss.

Sure, I've made changes in my weight loss program over the last 18 months by changing my habits or changing my regiment and I've seen some amazing outcomes. But this one is different. I no longer want to be a slave to the scale. Now I totally get why Scale Junkie only weighs herself 2 or 3 times a year. I don't think I could dare go that long in between weigh ins. Maybe some day I'll be able to. But for now, not weighing myself at home is so incredibly liberating. I totally feel like a new woman.

I've really been noticing changes in my body and my life, lately. And I'm so happy with myself.

I remember feeling so embarrassed when I'd go to the grocery store or a restaurant. I was so fat and being in a place where they sold food was like saying to the world "look out, here comes fatty, fatty two by four, she's going to eat all of the food in this place".

Now... It's so cool. I walk around with my head held high. I'm so proud of my new body. I'm even getting the feelings back that there might actually be a man out there that would look at me and say to himself "wow, she's hot". Can you believe that?! I used to want to hide my head in the sand and now look at me.

I started in a size 26/28. I'm in a 12/14 now. I've lost a total of 93.4 pounds.

Side note: You might notice the Healthy You Challenge badge on the right side of my blog that says I've lost 95 pounds. Well, I did, a few weeks ago. Well, actually a little over a month ago. I'd lost 96.2 pounds as of Oct 18th. Then I hit my proverbial brick wall. Things just started to fall apart for me. I've never unraveled like this before. I knew I'd make it through, because my glass is always half full, but I didn't know how. But I think I've made it through and I think I'm going to be okay.

Anyways, 93.4 pounds is amazing! I'm so proud of it! I sometimes still can't believe I'd done it. Sure, I still have about 35+ pounds I want to lose, but I'm not obsessing over it any more. When it happens it'll happen.

I was watching a show, tonight, about these ladies who had gastric bypass surgery and how much weight they'd lost. One lady in particular was so amazing. She'd lost 180 pounds. And you should see her. She looked amazing! She's a hard body, now. She actually teaches people at the gym, now, about how to exercise and eat better to lose the weight. She works with obese people mostly. And it was so amazing seeing her work with these women who I can (and she can) totally and wholly identify with. We know their shame. We know their pain. We have been through it. I said to myself, I want to be just like her some day. And at first, I meant my body. I want to be a hard body just like her. But I think I want to be more than that. I want to be an inspiration to all those women out there who are just like I used to be. I want them to know that they can do it. They can. I did.

My husband is sitting next to me at his computer playing the guitar (reading the music online) and he's playing The River by Garth Brooks. Wow, how appropriate! It's been a long time since I've heard the lyrics. It's like he's playing the sound track to my life right now. Listen to this verse...

You know a dream is like a river
Ever changin' as it flows
And a dreamer's just a vessel
That must follow where it goes
Trying to learn from what's behind you
And never knowing what's in store
Makes each day a constant battle
Just to stay between the shores...

My dream is to be a whole and happy person again. I'm learning from what's behind me. I don't know what's in store for me. And each day is a constant battle. But I will sail my vessel until the river runs dry. Until I make it through and reach my destination.

That being said, one journey comes to an end today. Today is the end of the 18 Pounds in 18 Weeks challenge that I started last July. I had hoped to lose a total of 100 pounds by Thanksgiving so I could sit down to Thanksgiving dinner and be thankful for losing it all. Alas, I did not meet the challenge. But I gave it my all. And I'm not sad that I didn't make it. I am astounded that I've made it as far as I have.

Some of you came along with me on my journey to lose 18 pounds in 18 weeks and I want to honor you and your efforts today. Some of you have gained and some have not lost as much as they wanted to (welcome to the same boat I'm in). But we did try. We did persevere. And here's to you...

Mary Fran gained 14 pounds. Please don't be down on yourself for this. You're still in it. That's what counts. If you'd given up, that'd be a different story, but you're still here and going strong.

Karyn lost 10.4 pounds. Way to go Karyn. I'm so proud of you. Quite an accomplishment!

Katschi has lost at least 15 pounds. She doesn't know for sure if that's her total loss since the start of the challenge, because she accidentally deleted her blog and doesn't have the records. :( Still 15 pounds is impressive in only 3 weeks! You're such an inspiration for me!

Donna has lost a total of 8 pounds. Not bad considering what's been going on in her life lately. She completely dropped off the blogsphere for two months. But she's back now! Yea!

Cathy lost a total of 8.6 pounds. (She doesn't have a blog.) She even lost 2 pounds just this past week so she's doing awesome!

Spunky Suzi has lost 13.6 pounds. She's going strong. I love following her food blog!

There are one other member of the challenge who I haven't heard from as to how much she's lost. But I want to mention her here, because she deserve the attention just like the rest of us. So here's to Bento Diet — the last she logged in with me, she'd lost 5.5 pounds.

And then there's me. I lost a total of 10.4 pounds. Not quite what I had hoped for. But that's 10 pounds more than I had lost before July, right? That's 10 pounds that I'm not carrying on my body any more. Be happy, Cara!

Great job, girls! We did it! The challenge is over and we're so much better for it. Even if we gained more than we wanted or didn't lose as much as we wanted, we're still in this and we're still going strong. Together we'll make it all the way to the end!

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