My run this morning didn't turn out quite how I'd wanted it to...

Miracle beyond miracles... I lost 8/10ths of a pound this past week!!!

Huh??!!

I debated about weighing in at all. I went to bed Friday night saying, "I'm definitely taking a no-weigh-in-pass tomorrow". After all the cookies and cupcake pops and whatever I wanted to eat for Christmas dinner, there was no way I could face another big gain. I'd gained 3.6 pounds the previous week for eating the exact same way as I did this past week.

And I'd told myself I wasn't going to do this either. I was going to make it through these holidays without gaining... or if I gained, it would only be just a smidge. But here I was, sitting there Friday night looking at my building tummy on the night before weigh in knowing that is exactly what I'd done.

But when I got up Saturday morning, I decided I'd weigh in. I figured, if I gained, I'll surely lose it right back off during the coming week and then I'll have no proof of losing anything. I remember doing that last summer: I gained 7 pounds in one week then I took a no-weigh-in-pass and over the next week was able to get 5 1/2 pounds off but when I weighed in, it showed I'd gained a pound an a half. I didn't want to do that again.

So I weighed in. And lost. Saweet!

I'm thinking it was probably because my 3.6 lb gain last week was really just water gain and then over this past week, I really did gain 3 pounds and it all washed out as an 8/10ths loss.

Well, whatever it was, I was SO stinking surprised and happy for the loss.

So this morning, I got up and headed out for my 12 mile run. I mapped out 2 possible routes last night and when I woke up this morning, I decided to take the more scenic of the two. So, I told hubby my route and headed out the door. I got to the end of the driveway and he popped his head out the door and shouted "be careful". He'd never done that before. It kinda spooked me, like, uh oh, is there something I should be watching out for??

It was cold (50 degrees) and overcast (not a bit of sun)—perfect weather for running! I wore layers and gloves so as I got warmed up, I could peel off the layers and get into the grove.


So after about 3 miles, I turned onto this long, straight stretch of pavement (maybe a half a mile long) that leads from the main thoroughfare to a footbridge that goes over a major interstate and I spotted two hooded individuals almost all the way at the other end of the path. They were walking the same direction as I was running. One was wearing a black hoody with long pants and the other had a gray hoody with long shorts on. I slowed my pace down because I didn't want to catch up with them.

Now walking, I got to the end of the long, straight path and looked up at the roundabout walk way that leads to the interstate overpass and saw the 2 of them trudging along. I stopped and watched them slowly walk across the overpass until they were out of my sight on the other side. Then I started running, very slowly, up the roundabout.

When I got to the end of the overpass, I could see them just every once in a while, but not steady. When I got down the other side of the other roundabout, I saw them at the end of the long pathway that lead to the other thoroughfare on the other side of the interstate and saw that they'd turned right—the exact path I was taking. I started getting real scared because they did not look like they were exercising, in fact they just looked like trouble.

I saw the tops of their hoods cutting through a parking lot to the right, rather than them staying on the sidewalk at the other end of the path. Then I could only see just the gray hood, which was odd because the black hoody was taller than the gray one. Then all of the sudden, the gray hood popped straight down out of sight. Like it was all of the sudden trying to hide from something. THEN, like 5 seconds later, a cop car drove by. Man, that really got me!!

I was walking again because I wanted to stay as far away from them as possible. When I got down to the end of the pathway and was about to turn onto the sidewalk (right where I last spotted them) another runner crossed right in front of me traveling on the sidewalk that I was about to turn onto. Whew! I tucked in behind him and stayed as close as I could to him until I got past the last place I'd seen those hoodys.

But man was I just darn scared.

There was another runner coming up behind him, about 50 feet or so, so I was sandwiched between these 2 male runners and felt somewhat safe. But I was so spooked I didn't think I could go on. The next part of the path was totally secluded and meandered through farm land through a tunnel of beautiful canopy trees. I just didn't think I could feel safe running through that usually beautiful part of the trail.

So I called hubby to come and get me.

I ran towards the closest public area I could find which was a small shopping plaza. He stayed on the phone with me until he got there.

I'm so mad because I felt so strong and so empowered when I started the run, but once I saw those two guys, I felt so helpless and scared. It's a shame our world has come to this. Sad.

So, needless to say, I didn't get to run the full 12 miles. I only ended up running 4 miles. But when I got done, I looked down at my heart monitor and it said I'd burned almost 800 calories. I think it was because my heart rate was up so high during the encounter with those two guys.

Oh, well, I'll just keep on running in the mornings throughout the week. Then next weekend, I'll run the other route. It's a more public the whole way. It follows a major 4-lane road the whole way. So I'll get to smell yummy car exhaust the whole way. Would rather be able to inhale the beautiful smell of trees and flowers, but at least I'll be safe.

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My manditory 30-minute lunch period...

I'm sorry I haven't had much time to blog lately. Had it not been for this "forced" 30-minute lunch at work, I probably wouldn't have been able to blog until after Christmas. Both my bosses (before they left on vacation) said that the "higher ups" would let us go around lunch time today. So I was planning on that. Then the "higher ups" sent this email around:

* Closing Early Today - Word has come down that lunch today should be only 30 minutes and then everyone can leave at 2:00 p.m. to get started on their Christmas holiday. If you opt not to take a 30 minute lunch, you still need to stay until we close. Have a WONDERFUL Christmas!!

And this one came an hour later:

If you are taking a 30-minute lunch, it needs to be 11:30-12:00, 12:00-12:30 or 12:30-1:00 with everyone back no later than 1:00 p.m. Thanks!

How sweet... not only are they letting us go in the middle of the afternoon—2 hours past lunch time—but we have a 30-minute mandatory lunch. Oh, and by the way "Have a WONDERFUL Christmas!!" with 2 whole exclamation marks! Wow.

So here I sit, just finished eating my vending machine lunch, well, what I could find. There's absolutely NOTHING healthy, low-cal or remotely good for you in any of the machines. Would it kill them to put a piece of fresh fruit in there? How about a yogurt? Or even a "reduced fat" anything! I had to resort to a 2-pack of mini White Castle burgers. Yuk! And so this means, I'm going to have to either go running tonight to work it off or eat uber light tonight for dinner to make up for it.

I know, I should be grateful. They could have let us go home a half hour early.

Ok, enough of my groaning!

This past Saturday at weigh in, I gained 3.6 pounds. Yea, that's right... 3.6 lbs!! Why? I didn't track my food and didn't weigh myself all week. I basically winged the whole week. Won't do that again!!

This week, so far, I've done good. I've only had 3 cookies and they were small ones. One each day. I went on a LONG run Sunday morning—10 miles. That's the longest I've ever done in one stint. I did great, too. When I got done, I felt like I could keep going. So next Sunday, I'll try 12 miles.

I've been reading alot about marathon training and they all pretty much say the same thing—do a long run once a week at a very slow pace then 3-4 short runs during the week at a faster pace. The smaller runs will build up my speed and the longer one will train my body to run farther. So that's what I've been doing. I ran 4 fast miles on Monday and 3 fast ones on Tuesday. I'm taking a break today and tomorrow and will run another fast 3-miler on Friday.

Did I tell you they canceled my marathon? It was scheduled for Jan 24th in Clearwater, FL, but due to some sort of permitting issues it had to be canceled. So I found another one that I like MUCH better. It's in Gainesville on Valentine's Day. It's what they call a "Five Points" marathon which is to raise awareness to the five types of blood donation. Very cool. I'm a huge advocate for giving blood so it sounds like a perfect fit. And the route is through the Univ of FL campus, mostly, and by a lake at one point. Looks great. Can't wait!!!

What have you guys been up to? Oh, yea, that's right, Christmas. :]

Merry Christmas everyone!!!

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Mr. Squarepants is still grounded...

Weigh yesterday went better than I'd expected. I lost a full pound.

I tell you, though, it was a rough week. Remember I hid my scale in the closet last Saturday? Well, it was hard not weighing myself each morning like I've been doing for the past 2+ years. I found out that my weight each morning would dictate how I ate for the day. If I was up a couple of tenths, I'd back off and eat ultra smart for the day. If I was the same or was down at all, I could eat normal (and by normal, I mean on plan). I had no idea how to eat the whole week. I just kept saying, "I hope it's okay that I'm eating this."

So evidently it worked out. Or there's another theory... Because I gained 6/10ths last weekend, this could just be my body compensating for the gain. Who knows.

I've decided to give it another week, though. I'll keep Mr. Squarepants in the closet another week and see how things go at my next weigh in. I'll just do the same thing I did this past week and see how it goes.

How did you guys do without weighing yourself last week?

I wanted to comment on some of your comments from my last blog post:

Debbie, did you watch the Biggest Loser finale? The comment you left on my last blog post reminded me of it. When the skinny version of the top 4 contestants walked out on stage and their fat version was standing there right next to them. Wasn't that amazing!! I love it when Rudy patted the butt of his former fat self. Was awesome. That's how I need to keep imagining myself. I keep forgetting how fat I used to be. So I can give my old self that big hug you mentioned and tell her I did take care of her. So cool.

Miz, no I haven't read Born to Run, but its on my wish list. I just have 4 or 5 books ahead of it that I've committed to reading before I get it. But what an amazing book. You guys should check it out. Among other things in the book, he talks about the problems we've had with our feet, etc. since the invention of running shoes in the 70s. He sells these shoes called "Birthday Shoes" that make it feel like you're running barefoot. Here's an excerpt of the description of the book: Isolated by the most savage terrain in North America, the reclusive Tarahumara Indians of Mexico’s deadly Copper Canyons are custodians of a lost art. For centuries they have practiced techniques that allow them to run hundreds of miles without rest and chase down anything from a deer to an Olympic marathoner while enjoying every mile of it. Their superhuman talent is matched by uncanny health and serenity, leaving the Tarahumara immune to the diseases and strife that plague modern existence. With the help of Caballo Blanco, a mysterious loner who lives among the tribe, the author was able not only to uncover the secrets of the Tarahumara but also to find his own inner ultra-athlete, as he trained for the challenge of a lifetime: a fifty-mile race through the heart of Tarahumara country pitting the tribe against an odd band of Americans, including a star ultramarathoner, a beautiful young surfer, and a barefoot wonder.

It's so funny that ScrewDestiny said "who wants to run a marathon in the winter?". You obviously live up north, huh? =D Me, I'm in Florida where you could ONLY run a marathon in the fall or winter. Preferable in the winter. After February, who could stand the heat to run 26 miles. Ugh! Thought that was cute, though. :)

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Whoda thunk? Me? Train for a Marathon???

I'm making an official announcement...

"I am going to run a marathon."

And I started training for it today.

Okay, well, not officially training for it, but as best as I know how.

I stopped by the local running store yesterday at lunch and talked to the lady behind the counter about running a marathon. First, I have to admit, I really expected her to laugh out loud or at least snicker when I told her I wanted to run a marathon. I even hesitated after I said it waiting for that response. But she just smiled and looked at me like I was absolutely serious. Well, I am.

I asked if they had any marathon training coming up or if she knew of any marathons this coming Spring. She said their marathon training was coming to an end. It started in June and will end in January. She said there are a couple of marathons in January, but not much after that. Darn!

She suggested waiting until the next marathon training course and aim for running a marathon next fall. But this isn't all bad. Because right now, my pace is WAY too slow anyways. At my current speed, it would take me... oh... 7 HOURS to finish the race. And I've heard they have sweepers that come along and pick you up off the street if your pace is too slow. How humiliating! I'm running along, running my heart out, and some bus comes along and says "excuse me ma'am, you're running too slow, you have to get off the road". Okay, well, I'm sure it won't happen exactly like that, but still. I need to get my pace up a bit.

So I talked to her about how to do that and she suggested something that I can't believe I didn't think of! I remember when I first started running, I'd run for 30 seconds then walk for 2-5 minutes til I caught my breath and then repeat. That's exactly what she suggested as a way to get my pace up. Run full out for 30 seconds then run at my regular pace for a couple of minutes until my heart rate comes back down off the ceiling. Then keep doing that until I can go for more than 30 seconds at a time, etc.

I'm so excited!!! That's exactly what I did this morning. And I had so much fun doing it.

I can't believe I'm blogging about having fun running. Me??!! I was almost 300lbs 2 1/2 years ago. If you'd have told me back then that I'd be training for a marathon now, I would have laughed so hard and loud people would be looking at my like I was a crazy woman. It still baffles me how I can actually get out there on the road and run for more than 5 minutes without keeling over and passing out. Really!

I think that's why I'm so smitten with running. Because I can do it. I never would have dreamed that I would be a runner. Not in a million years, much less 3 years. But now that I can run, I just want to run as much as I can.

So step one... increase my pace.

Oh, and you remember how I decided not to look at the scale all this week? I'm really having a hard time with that. The scale is still in the closet. I miss it terribly, though. I don't know how I'm doing without it. Like, am I down or am I up. Do I need to eat less or eat more? I don't know what I'm doing. I feel so out of sync with everything in my life right now. Mr Squarepants is haunting me from the closet. Make him stop!!!

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I think I've completely lost my mind...

I did something real weird this morning. I'm almost embarrassed to mention it. I think I'm going to come off sounding very bizarre and maybe even mental.

So, I told myself before I went to bed last night that I was going to get up and go running this morning. So I set my alarm clock for 5:30.

I actually got out of bed about 6:15. Getting up out of that warm, comfy, cozy bed is about the most impossible thing for me to do. I swung my feet over the side of the bed and sat up and said to myself 'I do not want to go running'. But I got out of bed.

I went in and brushed my teeth and as I'm looking in the mirror I say 'I do not want to go running'. I pull my hair back in a pony tail then walk over and start putting on my workout clothes. I stop and look at my sneakers and say 'I do not want to go running'. I put my sneakers on.

I sit back down on the end of the bed. I contemplated just staying right there for the rest of the morning. I thought, who'd know, right? I'd be the only one who knew if I didn't go running, right?

Then I stood up and walked to the kitchen and fixed a bowl of bran flakes with almond milk (quite a good combination for a pre-workout). I sit down on the love seat and eat my cereal while watching the Today Shoe. They're talking about Tiger Woods again. Ugh! I'm so sick to death about hearing about that man's problems. Why don't they just leave him the heck alone!!!???

As I sit there eating my cereal, you guessed it, I said to myself 'I do not want to go running'.

I put my empty bowl in the sink, grab my purse and iPod and head for the door. I tell hubby good bye and grab for the door knob. I say to myself 'I do not want to go running.' I hesitate for just a sec. Hubby asks me what's up and I say 'nothing' and walk out.

I get in the car and drive to the gym. I arrive at the gym and have to park in the back of the lot because they're a bit crowded. I turned the car off and picked up my iPod & cell phone and I look at the cell phone in my hand. It's blinking. That means I have a tweet or an email waiting for me. So I unlock it and look to see who's tweeting me. It was Ali Sweeney (of Biggest Loser and Days of Our Lives). Yea, she's a twitter buddy, though I'm sure she doesn't know me from Adam. But I like reading her tweets. She's fun to follow.

I sit there in the car, after I've read all possible emails and tweets and I start starring at the people on the tread mill. 'Look at them,' I say, 'Sure looks like an awful lot of effort'. I look at this one lady who's younger than me and running faster than the rest of them. I think, 'I wonder if I look like that when I'm running.' But I stay sitting in the car watching the people exercise.

I sat there for about 10 minutes. I couldn't find the will power to get out of the car and go work out. Seriously! I just sat there!

I never got out of the car.

After about 15 minutes, I guess it dawned on me that I was not going running so I turned the car back on and headed back home.

Can you believe that? I went through all that effort to get to the gym but I never got out of the car to actually exercise. Have you ever heard of anything so strange in your life?? I know I haven't!

In fact, if I'd have read one of your blogs that you had done this, I think I'd think that something was a little "off" upstairs.

The thing of it is, I really did want to go running. I went for an 8-mile run on Sunday and thoroughly enjoyed it! I took Monday off because I pushed it a little too hard on Sunday. I was actually looking forward to getting out there again. Maybe it was the gym that was turning me off. I had even thought about going for a run once I got home from "not running" at the gym. I love running on the road SO much better than on a tread mill.

So there it is. I'm weird. I think I'm a little off my rocker. You agree?

Oh, speaking of Twitter. Check this out. I tweeted to Ali Vincent (the 1st female winner of Biggest Loser) about my 100 lb loss and how she inspired me to lose it and look what she tweeted back to me:





Can you believe that? How cook is that. Ali Vincent thinks I'm a rock star!!

Well, I gotta get off here because the Biggest Loser Finale is about to start. I can't wait to see who wins. Would be SO cool if Amanda won!!

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Mr. Squarepants is grounded...

Weigh in this morning... I've been weighing myself at home all week watching the scale inch its way down closer to the 100 lb (loss) mark. As of last Saturday's weigh in, I was only 1.8 lbs away. This morning, on my scale at home, I was doen 8/10ths from last week. Before I left to go to weigh in, hubby asked me how I thought I'd do and I said I was down around 6 or 8/10ths. He gives me this big hug, wished me luck, and off I go to weigh in.

So I weigh in and Barb, as she holds up her hand and pinches her thumb and forefinger together, says "just a little bit".

So I get my booklet back from her and it says 6/10ths. Whew! I breathed a sigh of relief.

So I go sit down and get ready for the meeting and I decide to tweet my loss. I go to pull my phone out of my purse and realized I left it home. Bummer. I hate when I do that. I feel so naked without my phone.

So I sit there and do the math in my head to see how close I am to getting back down to the 100 lb mark. I pull my booklet back out of my purse. I open the booklet and see the total number of pounds lost to date is 97.6. Wait a minute. Last week it was 98.2! What the heck?! Am I missing something??

Then it hit me... I GAINED 6/10ths of a pound!!!

Again... What the heck??!!??!

How on God's green Earth could I have gained 6/10ths of a pound? My scale at home says I'm down 8/10ths. That's a huge spread. I know there's always been a 1 pound difference between the home scale and the WW scale, but the numbers I was comparing was from how much I weighed BEFORE I go to weight watchers. So when I say how much I weighed last week and compare it to this week, I'm comparing the number on my home scale, only.

I was so mad I threw my weigh in booklet back in my purse. I crossed my arms and started to cry.

...

Then I pulled myself together and put on a brave face and congratulated everyone else on their losses. The lady next to me lost 2 lbs which made her reach her first 5%. I was so happy for her.

So I make it home and walk in the house and go straight for the piece of cake that was sitting on the stove (leftover from cupcake pops I made for the company craft fair yesterday). Hubby stops me and asks me how I did. I tell him all about it. Then I head for the cake again.

He stops me and says "wait a minute, come here". He scoops me in his arms and cuddles with me on the love seat. He says he doesn't want me to do anything I'll regret and he wants me to take a minute before heading for the cake. I cry in his arms for a bit and then pull myself together. What a sweet man. He just wants me to meet my goals and be happy. I'm so lucky.

So, two things...


#1, there is definitely something wrong with my home scale.

#2, I just hid the scale in the closet. I've never been able to go a whole week without weighing myself, but I'm going to try doing that this week. I feel like I've put the scale in time out. Like I've grounded my scale or something. We'll see how it works out. Wish me luck.

P.S. I did eat the cake. And I did not regret it. :(

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Trying to keep everything in perspective is hard...

Weigh in this morning was a bit encouraging but a bit discouraging too. Mainly because of what I THOUGHT I'd weigh in at. Boy, doesn't the mind play tricks on you about your weight loss? The further I go down this weight loss journey, the more I am convinced it's 95% mental and 5% physical.

So I told you already that I lost a pound on Thanksgiving day, right? And yesterday (Friday) I was even better (food- and exercise-wise) than I was on Thursday. I ate a healthy breakfast (home made fried potatoes, a slice of whole grain bread with light butter and a sliced apple = 6pts). Then a sensible lunch (Steak N Shake southwestern hot dog (chipotle sauce and pico de gallo), cottage cheese & pineapple ring, and veggie soup = 13 pts) and a half a piece of pecan pie (5 pts). Then I went running last night for almost an hour = 3.75 miles. All in all, a pretty great day, right??

Then why did I gain 1.8 pounds between Friday morning and Saturday morning??!!

How could I lose a whole pound on Thanksgiving, but gain it back plus another 8/10ths the next day by eating better and exercising more?

Very frustrating.

So when it was all said and done, my official weigh in at Weight Watchers was down 1.2 pounds from last week.

This is when I have to make it all come into perspective. I have to look at the big picture.

My body is going to fluctuate from day to day. And sometimes, for no reason whatsoever. This I have to keep remembering. This is why most weight loss programs tell you to NEVER weigh yourself on a daily basis. Most will call for a weigh in once a month. But at the most frequent is once a week. But never more than once a week or heaven forbid once a day.

So I have to take those 1.2 pounds and be proud of it. Heck, it wasn't too long ago that I would have jumped up and down and screamed for losing 1.2 pounds in one week.

So I'm inching my way closer back down to that ominous 100 lb loss mark. I only have 1.8 pounds to go to get back down to my 100 pounds lost. So, it might take me another 2 (or more) weeks to do it. I can't rush it. I can't obsess over it. That will do me no good whatsoever. In fact, if I think back to one year ago, that's what started me on my spiral out of control. I obsessed over it too much.

Take a deep breath. Be patient. And be happy with your great loss, Cara!

On a slightly different subject, I've started reading a new book that's, so far, really great. It's called "Dr. Colbert's "I Can Do This" Diet". It hasn't been released yet (supposed to be in January), but I've received an advanced copy from the publisher (with the hopes that I'll review it on my blog). Its an extremely thorough book, let me tell you. It's not light reading, for sure. But its amazing. I'm learning SO much about weight loss and how our bodies respond to different types of plans and foods, etc. Here's what the publisher says about the book: "you'll discover the top five reasons why diets fail; explore weight-loss fundamentals; overcome roadblocks including insulin resistance, neurotransmitter imbalance, and hormonal imbalance; and design a program catered to your needs." To me, it seems like an intellectual approach to weight loss. I'll keep you posted on how it goes.

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I've come so far in just ONE year...

One year ago, I completely fell off the wagon...

I remember the day like it was yesterday.

In July of last year (2008), I started a goal of losing 18 pounds in 18 weeks so by Thanksgiving (of last year) I would have arrived at 100 pounds lost. I just went back and re-read that goal-setting blog and I sounded so full of hope and optimism. It was, after all, only "1 pound a week".

But there I sat, at the Thanksgiving table, a year ago, stuffing my face 'til I couldn't move.

I ate all the chocolates that were laying around the house (my mother-in-law makes these yummy treats where she puts a pecan halves on top of a Rollos on top of little pretzel twists, melts them in the oven and when they're cooled, they're yummy little turtle-like delights).

And for the meal, I had double portions of absolutely everything. I remember seeing my mother-in-law sitting across the table from me eating her Thanksgiving meal on a smaller plate (she had lost 50 lbs on Weight Watchers just earlier that year). I laughed inside to myself. Fooey on that! I'm eating a full plat of yumminess and I didn't care if I gained 10 pounds. I even had extra helpings of pie. And of course I took all the casserole left overs home and ate them again when we got home and for days after that, too. And, yes, I did gain 10 pounds before the week was over.

I remember, months later, looking back at that meal remembering that that moment was the beginning of my self-sabotage. I didn't know it at the time, but I panicked at the thought of actually reaching my momentous goal. Read this old post to see what I'm talking about.

But this year... completely different. I feel like a completely different person. Mentally, physically and spiritually. I'm in such a better space, now.

I started off the day by going for a run. I woke up around 6:30, before daylight, and was so anxious to get out there and run. I sat there starring outside waiting for daylight. I finally headed out at about 10 'til 7 and man was it chilly out there. Of course, no one else was either on the roads or on the sidewalks. A quite and confident run to start the day off right.

I got back in time to throw the sticky buns in the oven to bake real quick. Mind you, these were the real thing. My daughter had assembled them the night before (she came over and helped make the casseroles with me) and asked me to bake them for her before we headed over for Thanksgiving dinner.

We headed out to hubby's parent's house around 9. While the turkey was finishing, we watched home videos. We watched my almost 21-year-old's first birthday party. First of all, I loved seeing her so young and precious. Brought back some great memories. But most of all, I noticed that I am much thinner now than I was then. It was so awesome to see myself 20 years ago and know that I'm skinnier now than I was then. I was probably 210-220 pounds in those videos. Now, 165!!

Most people will look at themselves 20 years ago and say "man I looked so good back then, I wish I was that skinny again". Not me, I was so happy to see how far I've come since those days.

Then dinner time. I ate my thanksgiving meal on that smaller plate. I had half and quarter portions of everything. Though there wasn't much empty space on my little plate, I had maybe 3-4 bites of everything. Instead of 1-2 cups of everything, like last year.

At the end of the meal, I sat there completely satisfied. Not stuffed. Not miserable. Completely satisfied. Then about an hour after dinner, once everyone else's stomachs started calming down, we had pie. I had half a piece of pumpkin pie and a half a piece of pecan pie (my deceased grandmother's recipe—my cousin made the pie and shipped it to me).

I wasn't really all that hungry for the rest of the day. I had a Chobani greek yogurt around 7:30 and that's about all I needed for the day.

I hate to be so boastful, folks, but I'm so darn proud of myself. I'm beaming.

Oh, and the best part...

I weighed myself this morning and I actually lost a pound yesterday!

Who loses one pound on Thanksgiving while still thoroughly enjoying everything the day has to offer?!!

What a great day!

How was your day?

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In the spirit of Thanksgiving...

I thought today would be a great day to stop and give thanks...

Thanks for my new body.

I'm a hundred pounds lighter than I was 2 years ago and I feel a thousand pounds lighter. In my body, in my spirit and in my soul. My life is changed.

Sure, there are the physical changes. I mean, its so darn wonderful to look down and be able to see my lap. I absolutely LOVE being able to cross my legs. Or even cross my arms in front of me without having to have them press my boobs down. (I'm not crazy about all the flaps of skin that are hanging from me, but hey, those are my trophy flaps, right?)

Then there's the activity part. I'm so much more active now. I used to be a couch potato. Now I just love getting up and doing whatever I need or want to do. Because I know I won't get tired. I used to sweat when I went shopping. Now, I can shop all day and never break a sweat. I love being able to skip up the 3 flights of stairs at work, multiple times a day and not get winded at all. Heck, I ran 6 miles on Sunday, 4 miles on Monday and 2 miles this morning. 12 MILES in one week!!?? Whodathunk!

I've had to get all my rings resized and I think I need to get them resized again because one of them keeps flipping over to where the diamond part falls around to the palm side of my hand whenever I type. I have a little silver chain bracelet that I paid like $5 for, but I don't want to replace it, so I just moved the clasp up to hook into one of the chains, so that there's a strip of chain dangling about an inch long after the clasp. An inch of chain that used to encase my fat wrists. And I'm now down to a size 12 (maybe even a 10, but I haven't been shopping in quite a while). When I started this journey over 2 years ago, I was a SIZE 26/28 and they were too tight on me!!

I love the way I feel about myself. I feel so worth it, now. I feel like before, when I was fat, I was hiding from the world and I wasn't worth anyone noticing me or giving me any kind of credit for anything. And I had to fight for any ounce of respect from my peers. Now... Now, I hold my head high. I am worth it. I am so much more confident in my choices, my actions and my conversations. The weird part was that I always was worth it, I just didn't know it because of all the embarrassment and unworthiness that I felt when I was fat.

Now, I can call my self thin. I even go so far, sometimes, to say I'm skinny. Although, according to most BMI and weight charts, I still need to lose another 10 pounds before I'll be "healthy". But in my heart and soul, I AM SKINNY!

I love this new me. And I'm SO thankful for her. I'm proud to be in the skin I'm in, now.

And I'm SO thankful for my family at Weight Watchers and of course my real family, too—including my absolutely amazing husband. And I'm SO thankful for all of you out there reading my blog. And this is something I want each and every one of you to own. Even if you've never commented on one of my blog posts before, you still read my blog. And that is SUCH great encouragement to me to keep going and keep losing. You know what would make me SO happy. If I could get each of you to just post "your welcome" on this blog post. You don't have to say anything more, I'd just like to send this little piece of thanks out to each one of you and I want you to know that you've changed my life and the way you can own this appreciation is to take it in and just say a simple "you're welcome, Cara". It would make me so happy. It would really make my Thanksgiving PERFECT!

So, what do you say?

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From Weight Watchers to McDonalds...

I did something yesterday morning that really proved a point. To myself. You remember a few weeks ago when I went all out and ate a fattening ribeye with onion rings and a loaded baked potato and then paid for it majorly by almost throwing up afterward? (Blog post: "One huge moment of humiliation...") Well, along those same lines, I splurged a little just after Weight Watchers yesterday morning and something weird happened. Something that's never happened before.

OK, first of all, I have to say, what sane person goes directly from Weight Watchers to the McDonald's drive in??!!! I mean, really! Didn't anything that happened over the previous half hour stick in my head at all???!! Seriously?!

I don't know why I did it. I could say because I was out of cereal at home. But then I had other things I could fix. I could have fixed an absolutely yummy roasted chicken and onion egg white omelet (I had one just the other morning and it was to DIE for!). Or I could have made 1 point pancakes. Or oatmeal. Etc., etc. But that was my excuse. So I called hubby and asked him if he wanted anything (love his heart, but he's my partner in crime).

So I got a sausage and cheese biscuit with a hashbrown. I like to put the hashbrown in the sandwich and eat it all together. I took my first bite and OH MAN was it heavenly. "Mmmmmm," I said out loud. It's been a couple of years since I've eaten at McDonalds and longer than that since I've had a sausage biscuit, which, by the way, used to be my most favoritist breakfast on the planet (when I was fat).

My second bite was just as good as the 1st. Oh, Man!

Then I turned to hubby and said "A little greasy, huh?". He agreed. My fingers were covered in grease, or I guess butter from the biscuit. I was thoroughly enjoying it, though.

I made it half way through the sandwich and I had to stop and take a drink of water. My stomach started flipping around a little bit. The water helped, though, so I kept at it.

So I'm at about three quarters of the way through the breakfast sandwich, now, and my stomach really starts tossing and turning. Its the weirdest thing. I've never had the sensation of thoroughly enjoying the taste of something while simultaneously having feelings of "tossing my cookies". But, darn it!, I was determined to finish it.

I tried thinking of other things and drinking lots of water. But with each bite I took, I kept getting sicker and sicker. What the heck!?

I finally got down to where I had 2 bites left and I stopped and took a breath. Took a drink. And took one more bite. Then it happened. I had a gag reflex while that 2nd to last bite was in my mouth.

What!? Mind you, I was still thoroughly enjoying each and every bite. Each bite I took tasted far better than the bite before it. Seriously!

I stopped. Looked at that last bite. Took a huge swallow to get the food that was in my mouth down. Then I looked at that last bite one more time. I couldn't do it. I honestly think that if I ate that last bite, I would have hurled right then and there. It was that bad.

I threw that last piece down on the greasy wrapper, which then rolled off the paper and down onto the floor. I had to bend over and pick it up, which was even worse on my stomach. The extra pressure on my stomach did nothing to stop the gag reflexes from coming. But I picked up that last piece, shoved it into the wrapper, balled the wrapper up and ran to the trash can to throw it away. I grabbed some more water. Didn't help much. So I grabbed the Tums. I stood there over the sink chewing the tums hoping my food would stay down long enough for the Tums to make it down. I never wanted food to stay down so bad in my life. I kept imagining that greasy food coming back out and it was a horrible thought.

I took deep breath after deep breath and tried to calm myself down.

That worked. The Tums made it down. The horrible feelings passed. The food stayed down.

Why the heck did I do that to myself? I mean, a logical person would have stopped eating the minute they started feeling queasy, right? But then a sane person wouldn't have stopped by McDonalds after a WW meeting either, would they?

I just wanted that food so bad.

I think for the most part, I'm able to keep my food cravings under control. But every once in a while it gets the better of me. And yesterday morning, it sure got the better of me.

For the rest of the day, I did fine. I ate sensible and on plan. And the good part is I only gained a half a pound from that morning fiasco.

I'm hoping with my good behavior today and my extra running that I did this morning that tomorrow morning I'll be back at the weight I was yesterday morning (during weigh in).

Oh, and some great news (to follow that fiasco). I ran 6 miles this morning. Non stop. No over exerting. Piece of cake! That's a 10K. I just ran it around my neighborhood. My heart rate was still a little high for the first few miles (between 165 and 175) but after the 3rd mile, it started edging its way down. By mile 4, I was down to 160. By mile 5, I was down to 150. And by the time I finished the 6th mile, I was hovering around 143. Saweet!!

But the best part was that during the entire run, from my first step to the last, I was so calm and comfortable. Though my heart was running a race, the rest of my body wasn't. I ran with my mouth closed for I'd say 90% of the run just because I didn't need to breath through my mouth. Breathing through my nose was more than enough air for me. I couldn't believe it. And I can't wait to go running again.

I think I might be turning into a runner after all.

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Measure Up Bowls Contest Winner Announced!!!

Josie!!!

Just so you know this was fair, I went to Random.org and typed in everyone's name who commented as well as each facebook entry and twitter entry (so if you tweeted and commented, you got multiple entries) and then randomized the list 4 times and then asked them to pick a number at random from the list and Josie's name was chosen.

So, Josie, just email me your shipping info and I'll get the bowls out to you right away. My email address is carashow at gmail dot com.

Congratulations!!

I wish I could send each and every one of you a set of these bowls. They're truly great. If you want to put them on your Christmas wish list, here's the website address: http://shopmeasureupbowl.com/

Also, congratulations to all of you who entered. I'm so proud of how your eating habits have changed to more healthier selections. Listen to all of the wonderful eating habits we all have now...

Rochelle said...

Portion control is half the battle I think!

Lauri said...

I never dreamed of eating cauliflower. Just wasn't going to do it. Then I told Steve about a recipe I had read, so he steamed some cauliflower then pureed it in the blender adding salt, pepper, and butter (or substitute, if you have something you use instead of butter), and it was like eating mashed potatoes. He tried it another time without the blender, just using the potato masher, and it didn't work for me....wrong consistency. But through a blender, great.

Shelley said...

The thing that I never thought I would eat is plain yogurt. And I'll admit it took me a few tries to like it - I add some fresh fruit and it's good - who knew?!? Fage 0% plain is my go-to food.

Georgia Mist said...

Veggies: Never thought I'd come to love them! Quick recipe: 1 zucchini (small), julienned, 1 yellow squash (small), julienned, 1 yellow onion, julienned. 1 clove garlic, diced. Saute in 1 tsp. olive oil until tender, serve over brown rice!

screwdestiny said...

I did a diet for, oh, a couple weeks (ha!), and pretty much the only breakfast-y proteins I could eat were eggs or cottage cheese. I used to HATE cottage cheese. It made me gag. The texture was just so nasty, and the flavor definitely left something to be desired as well. But I was not going to eat eggs seven days a week for breakfast. I need variety, man. Plus, I've always known that cottage cheese is like a perfect protein and it's so good for you and blah blah blah. So I bought myself some cottage cheese and some strawberries and blueberries, and forced myself to eat it. The first few times it did activate my gag reflex about half the time whilst eating it. But I knew it was good for me so I kept at it. And you know what? I kind of, sort of enjoy it now. Only with fruit, gotta have the fruit, but I really don't mind it.

jinxxxygirl said...

I don't think i eat something now that i would have avoided 2 years ago. Its just now i make it a point to eat somethings. Like fruit and veggies . I never would have gone out of my way to 'make sure' i ate some but now i do. And fried foods i never worried about it before now i avoid them like the plague they are.

Stacie said...

The one thing I never used to eat is two-fold: squash and zucchini. I never really knew what to do with it - but there is so much! Now I get it every time I go shopping!

Diane, Fit to the Finish said...

Portion control is such an important part of weight management. One new thing I've learned to like is Greek yogurt. I can't do it plain though.

Josie said...

The one food I had so far that I had never tried before and thought I would absolutely hate is grilled tilapia. I tried it and LOVED it and now I want more of it. There are a lot of foods left that I want to try but was always afraid to...kale, almonds, salmon. I'll face my fears one by one till they're gone.

Leisa said...

I just started my blog http://fifteenfavefoods.wordpress.com to answer that very question. What I would have never eaten before: Broiled broccoli! Now it is one of my 15 favorite foods. If you find just 15 healthy fave foods, weight loss is almost automatic.

HD@Losing Weight-Healthy Heart said...

The one thing I never would have tried is flax seed. Now, I add ground flax to my oatmeal every morning, and I can't live without it!

spunkysuzi said...

I actually eat a lot more veggies now and recently i've been eating them with no dip :) That is huge for me!

Paula Rodriguez said...

I am totally crazy about acorn squash, spaghetti squash and butternut squash... Who knew they were so tasty. Oh, and I'm lovin lentils as well.

Mzchef said...

benefiber powder... great to add to water or yogurt! It fills you up!

Tina said...

I JUST two days ago tried a baked sweet potato. YUM!!! Before this I had only been introduced to them in their slimy can form...BLECH.

Once Upon A Dieter said...

I never used to eat okra, but I discovered they were fabulous sauteed with tomatoes. Also kale. It looked too weird to me. :)

ScrapBook Blessings said...

This is easy for me. Broccoli!!!! I didn't know what I was missing before. I also replaced ground beef with ground turkey. I had to make beef one day for church and my husband wanted to know what that smell was in the house. The grease was just awful, lol.

Georgia Mist said...

Zucchini, Cauliflower, and squash are the veggies I would NEVER have eaten a year ago. Now, I eat them as often as possible. I like to put them in a foil, bake about 15 minutes and serve them over brown rice!

♥ Kenz ♥ said...

I eat so many things now that I wouldn't have eaten before...like...spaghetti squash, baby spinach, eggplant, scallops and fish. I've always known that fish was a good choice, but my answer was "i don't like it." And the same goes for mushrooms for several months ago, I decided I would will myself to like those things...and it totally worked.

Shelley said...

For me, there are two things I would NEVER eat before and turned my nose up at. Spinach and sweet potatoes. Now, I love both...and eat them as often as I can. I add spinach to my daily salad for some variety and some extra iron punch to my diet. And baked sweet potato fries are a great treat. Mmmm....mmmm....good!

wanabskne said...

Growing up my parents never introduced us to any kind of fish dish (not even frozen fish sticks). When I married my husband his family was used to eating fish on a regular basis. As a result of married life and branching out cuisine-wise due to healthy dieting, I have now come to truly enjoy fish. It has become a food that I look forward to eating rather than a food that I am uncertain about. It is now my goal to pass this knowledge and experience on to my parents in hopes that they too will begin to eat healthier meals.

Last Chance to Win a Free set of Measure Up Bowls...

Tonight I'm going to be choosing a winner in the Free Measure Up contest. To enter, all you have to do is tell me something healthy you eat now that you never ate or never liked before you started on your journey to a healthier you.

Click this link to leave a comment on the post to be entered.

Or tweet about it using the hash tag #measureupgiveaway.

Contest ends tonight at midnight.

Slim Shots—Appetite Suppresent

So here is my obligatory review...

A couple of months ago, I was approached by SlimShots to try their product for free and write a review about it on my blog.

They sent me a free 14-day trial and I just used my last one today. Here are my thoughts on the product...

Ingredients:
First of all, I researched the heck out of the product and its ingredients. It contains palm oil, oat oil, water, natural and artificial flavors, aspartame, beta carotene color and phenylalanine.

Research the Ingredients:
Okay, so this is what I found out about the ingredients. I did my own research on each ingredient and not their marketing material or website. (I'm just that kinda gal.) The palm oil can be used as an appetite suppressant. By itself, though, the body can't absorb it, so it needs an emollient. That's what the oat oil is for—it a natural emollient. Skip the water and flavors and colors, there's aspartame, which can cause some people headaches (the blue sweetener—NutraSweet) but doesn't effect me. And last but not least is phenylalanine. As best as I can tell, its an essential amino acid, meaning that it is necessary for human health, but is not produced by the body. But then I've read that aspartame contains phenylalanine. Either way, none of these ingredients sound harmful or all that unnatural or artificial.

Product Appearance:
So, like I said earlier, I just finished using the 14-day supply today. They say you can take it twice a day, once with breakfast and once with lunch (they recommend taking it with food). But I only took it at lunch. You can see by the picture above that they come in a small container that looks just like a creamer shot.

Taste:
The taste wasn't that bad but it was a bit oily. I just drank mine all in one shot. They say you can add it to your milk or cereal or anything liquid. Mine was chocolate so I just downed it. I kinda got used to the flavor and it really wasn't all that bad tasting.

Results:
As for the results, it did just what they claimed it would do—it helped curb my appetite.

My body is on a clock of getting hungry around 11am, 4:30pm and 8:30pm. This is usually when I'll have a light snack. But after I took the Slim Shot, I didn't get hungry in the afternoon or evening. It was great. I would still have a light snack, though, because I know my body needed it. I couldn't feel that it needed it, I just knew that it did because of the eating schedule I'm on.

It was really nice not getting hungry, though.

Recommendations?
Would I recommend this product? Yes and no. Yes, it was great for curbing my appetite, though this can be a tricky thing. If you can tell that your body is hungry, how will you know your body needs food. Isn't that what hunger pangs are for? I think it's a bit risky because it could fool your body into thinking it's not hungry and if you don't eat enough and regularly it could mess with your metabolism and put it all out of whack. So much so that it could have an opposite effect rather than losing weight. One of the first things I learned when I started on this weight loss journey is that if you go hungry it's not good for your body. Especially for long periods of time or on a regular basis. Your body gets to know that there is no food coming and so it starts storing the fat in your body.

So, yes, it worked, but no I wouldn't recommend it for anyone looking for a balanced and healthy diet.

My weight loss progress while taking the product?
I didn't lose any weight at all. As you'll remember, I broke even on my weight loss efforts at last Saturday's weigh in. This week, so far, from me weighing myself on my home scale, I'm down a pound from last Saturday's weigh in, but that could go back up a pound before Saturday (that's exactly what happened to me last week).

So there, that's my review of Slim Shots. Take it for what it is.

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A little happiness is nice once in a while...

I did real good yesterday. At Steak N Shake, I only had the hot dog with pico de galo (no chipotle sauce) with cottage cheese & pineapple and veggie soup. Yay!! I did it!!! I was tempted to get a hamburger or a milk shake. Was really tough not to do that, though. Hubby had a yummy hamburger and mother-in-law had a milk shake. But I resisted.

To be honest, it really wasn't that hard. Isn't it funny how sometimes the temptations are irresistible and overwhelming and then sometimes they're not. I'm so happy it wasn't that bad yesterday. I need temptations like that every once in a while.

For dinner, I had Subway. I'm telling you, I'm completely addicted to Subway. So funny, because just 6 or 8 months ago, it would still make me sick to my stomach. I wonder if when they started offering the 9 grain wheat bread, they changed their recipe a bit. It always felt like it was the bread that made me sick. But now, look out! I usually get either a turkey (no cheese) with TONS of veggies on the 9 grain (6 inch of course) or just veggies. I get the light mayo and yellow mustard on it, which is the icing on the cake. Their mayo is so yummy. I know it ads a point to the sandwich, but it's only 5 points for the turkey and 4 points for the veggie. So it's totally worth it!

Usually Saturdays include a huge splurge of some sort. But I didn't splurge.

Today, however, I did splurge, but just a little bit. I had a steak and cheese quesadilla for lunch. It was probably about 15 points, including the sour cream I had with it. It was so yummy, though. Then I had a churro for dessert—probably another 4 points. But I had a 6-point breakfast and only 2 points for dinner and I feel totally satisfied.

All in all, my weekend was pretty good and under control. I feel good. I like feeling good about my food choices. I've been out of control for so long. I'm starting to feel normal again.

I've been noticing over-weight people lately. I think this is helping with my motivation. Because I keep remembering what it was like for me when I was that big. I was miserable. I had no self-worth. I just wanted to hide from the world. Sure, the people who were closest to me were so great about it. They'd never say anything negative and they'd love me no matter what I looked like. Especially my husband, David. He's so supportive. You know after I'd lost a bunch of weight and I started looking good, he said how he always wanted me to lose weight so I could feel as good as I looked. He would never have said anything to me, though, because he loves me no matter what I look like. Proof positive of that was how he treated me—like a queen—when I was 275 pounds. I love him for that. But I know what he was talking about. I feel so much better now. So healthier. So happier. More energy. More happiness. It's been such a hard journey—the hardest thing I've EVER done in my life—but it's been totally worth every second.

I tell you one thing, though, I don't ever want to do this again! Once I lose this weight, I AM NOT gaining it back. No way I can do this again!

Are you with me?

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Weigh in... not exactly a drum roll moment...

Weigh in this morning... I broke even. No gain. No loss. :|

I guess that's better than a gain, right?! I was really expecting a gain, but not for what you think. I did exactly what I did last week but a little more. I ate the same number of points every day and counted my flex points (which were all used last weekend). But this week, I exercised every day. Okay, so walking the dog isn't really exercising, but it's more than I've been doing, right? That's gotta count! I moved more this past week, how's that?

But my daily scale weigh ins at home showed that I'd lost 8/10ths of a pound as of yesterday morning. Then this morning, I was up a whole pound from yesterday's weight. So I figured I was gonna gain when I got to WW. Don't know why the heck I gained a whole pound in one day of eating on points and moving more. Who knows.

But after my 4 pound loss last week, it's okay that I didn't lose this week. It'll all average out, right?

I'm enjoying walking in the mornings with Mocha (a.k.a. the chubby chihuahua). I'm only taking him for half hour walks to start with. I figured I'd do half hour blocks for the coming week as well, then the following week I can start walking with him longer. He hasn't been enjoying himself that much. Yesterday, he stopped after only 10 minutes out and like a stubborn mule, refused to budge another inch. With doggies, I always listen to their instincts. They can sense things that we can't. So we stopped (like I had a choice) and turned around. So we only walked for 20 minutes yesterday.

It's been so nice and cool in the mornings. I LOVE daylight savings in the fall!!

So my goals for the coming week are to focus in on every day, one-at-a-time. Today, my goal is to NOT eat like a pig. I might go over my points for today, but I'm not giving it as much effort as I did last weekend.

We're heading to Steak N Shake for lunch today. Ugh! Nothing healthy there. So I'm gonna go for small portions and reasonable choices. I'm thinking of their hot dog with pico de galo and a small fry and water. I don't know how much their hot dog is, but WW's says a regular hot dog is 7 points. Their small fries are 6 points, UGH! I really don't even like their fries. Maybe I should go for cottage cheese and pineapple instead. It's only 2 points. Yea! That's what I'll do!!

Smart choices. Keep that in the front of your head.

How about you guys? What are your goals for this week?

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The Chubby Chihuahua...

Guess what I did this morning?

I went running! =D

I love this daylight savings time—well, the kind that happens in the fall. (he he)

I got up early Monday morning and took my little chubby chihuahua for a walk. He's about 2 1/2 pounds over weight. For a dog that's supposed to be 9 pounds, that's huge. Or rather, he's huge. :)

He had so much fun. I did too. I love daylight savings!

Then this morning, I decided to try something different. I haven't been running in a LONG time. But guess what? My knee didn't hurt? You wanna know why?

I bought new sneaks!

Yup, it was my sneakers that were making my knee hurt after a couple of miles of running. I'm so relieved.

I saved up and bought a nice pair of Asics. I was so happy once I passed the 2-mile mark this morning and my knee didn't start hurting. At about 2 1/2 miles, I could feel it, but it didn't hurt. It's like it was telling me, hey, I'm down here, just wanted to remind you. But no pain. Yippee!!!

I've got a medical question for you, though. Why does my heart rate always stay so high? I know my heart rate monitor is not malfunctioning because the last few times I went to the gym, I wore it and would periodically check my heart rate on the machines and they'd be exactly the same. The whole time I was running this morning, it stayed between 165 and 178. That's WAY too high. My target heart rate should be between 135-155 with spurts up to 165-175, but not for more than a couple of minutes at a time. I can only get my heart rate that low when I'm walking. What's up with that??

The weird thing is, I feel fine when my heart rate it up that high. I don't feel like I'm over exerting myself. I don't huff and puff. I breath nice and calm like.

My resting heart rate has always been a little on the high side. Usually around 80. Maybe that's it. My heart rate is just high. If anyone know, please tell me.

Oh, and I was thinking of another healthy thing that I enjoy now but would NEVER have eaten before I started my new healthy lifestyle: Subway. I have always hated Subway. It's always made me sick to my stomach after eating there. I always thought it was their bread. Now, who knows but I'm totally addicted. Last time I went, I even got a veggie sandwich. Who knew?! Me, eating a sandwich full of veggies.

So what healthy food do you eat now that you didn't used to eat before you started losing weight? Let me know on my post from a few days ago, click here, and you'll be entered for a chance to win these awesome Measure Up bowls. Contest goes til the 15th. Read this post for the rules.

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The day after the big pastry debacle...

You know, I've been reading and rereading your comments from my last post and you guys came up with some good ones. There were even a couple of good ones on my Facebook post, too. It's made me dig deep to try to figure out what caused the pastry incident. Hmm. This is what I've come up with...

I think the main reason I hid in my car was because I knew I was overdoing it. I'd already eaten very badly at the steak house. Then the HUGE (seriously, it was HUGE) cupcake and I knew if I brought more fattening food into the house, I would feel like a complete and total pig. So I guess I figured that if I hid, eating it in the car, that I wouldn't be a pig. Right? If no one saw me eat, then no harm. Right?

Also, you remember seeing the cartoons of the character who'd get a whiff of something yummy and then they'd float in the air sniffing the smell until they floated right to the source of the good food? That's kinda how it was when I walked into the grocery store and immediately headed for the bakery. I felt so powerless, but completely in control at the same time. Just like Beth said, "Even as I'm doing it, I don't understand why. It's such a powerless, yet driven feeling." The HUGE cupcake just didn't do the trick. I was still craving something sweet. Or maybe the cupcake was just whetting my appetite. I haven't been eating a lot of sugar lately, so maybe I got a good heaping taste of it and just wanted more. But whatever the reason for heading to the bakery and buying the pastry was way too overwhelming.

So last night, I had to go to the grocery store again. (Deep breath.) I went to a different store this time. I didn't want to tempt fate. The whole time driving there I kept saying over and over in my head "don't lose it Cara, stay in control". When I got there, I accidentally entered through the deli and bakery area. (I swear it was not on purpose.) And then I walked around the bakery isles looking at all the goodies. I wanted so badly to choose something delectable. Like, HAVE I NOT LEARNED ANYTHING?!? I kept going over the shame and tears from the night before as I looked at those yummies. No, I would not partake. I did not.

It was the hardest thing, I tell you, but I did not buy anything sweet and bad for me.

So today, on the way home from work, I had to stop at the grocery store yet again (I swear, I keep forgetting things that I need—I'm NOT doing this on purpose). So I made a list before I left work. Check it out:























You like how I added it to my list?? That way I wouldn't even be tempted. And guess what, I wasn't. Yay!

I finally found the French Twists I told you about earlier. After I bought my first tub, they quit selling them. One of my trips to the grocery store this past weekend I asked the manager if she could order them. She did. And today they were in the store. I think these should be a good substitute for the full out bad for me pastries. I do love them so. And I can only eat one at a time. So I'm good for now.

As for the future, like Rebecca (screwdestiny) said, "next time, confront the craving and don't hide behind it." When the next craving comes, confront it. If it's something I have to give into, that's fine, as long as it's within moderation. And by all means, don't hide behind it.

Don't forget to enter my Measure Up Bowls Giveaway contest. See the rules here. Contest ends Nov. 15th.

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One huge moment of humiliation...

Something happened last night that I'm completely ashamed of, but I have to confess it. One of the main reasons I started this blog was to be accountable. So I need to be honest. So here goes. Please don't judge me.

First things first, I splurged a little yesterday and paid for it majorly. I had a 6 oz ribeye (12 pts) with a loaded baked potato (11 pts) and onion petals (9 pts) (buy one get one free coupon at Logans). I felt like I was going to vomit for about an hour afterwards because of all the fat I ate. Ugh! I will not do that again! Then for dessert, about 2-3 hours later, while I was grocery shopping, I picked up a jumbo cupcake from the bakery.

But that wasn't the bad part.

Later in the evening, I had to return to the grocery store for something I'd forgot that I needed for breakfast the next morning. I should not have gone.

I had no reason being in the produce section, but I meanered my way over there. And what's right next to the produce section? The bakery. It's like an invisible force was calling me and all I could do was comply. When I got there, I had no idea what I was going to get, but I was craving something extremely sweet. (As if the cupcake wasn't enough, right?!)

When I made it to the bakery counter, the same lady was behind the counter as before when I bought that ridiculously huge cupcake. I panicked. I thought, I know she'll remember me because I had gotten a quote on a cake from her at the same time and we talked for quite a bit. I was too embarrassed to go up there and ask for another huge sweet thing, so I looked through the goodies that are on the tables in the middle of the room packaged in the clear plastic containers.

All of the containers had too much in them. Like a dozen cookies or 6 cupcakes or 2 dozen donut holes, etc. I kept looking until I found one that had 2 cream filled pastries. They were both huge, but it was the smallest I could find.

So what did I do? After paying for the food and walking out to the car, I got in and drove to a dark part of the parking lot (the sun had already set) and sat there in my car and wolfed down that pastry.

They were probably 8" long, maybe 2" wide, kinda flat with cream cheese filling and powder sugar on top.

I sat in the dark. In my car. Eating the pastry that I was so ashamed to be eating. I kept looking around like I was a shoplifter or something. Like at any minute someone was going to tap on my window and arrest me for hiding and eating in my car.

There I sat, in the dark, shoveling the pastry down my throat as fast as I could (hubby was expecting me back soon because I was only going to the store to get one thing). With every bite, I was so ashamed. This is the way I used to be. Before I started on Weight Watchers, 2 1/2 years ago. I couldn't figure out why I was sitting there eating like I used to.

This is something I'd done a million times before; ordering an extra hamburger at the drive thru and eating it before I got home with everyone else's food (then I'd eat a hamburger in front of my family). Buy a huge bag of ruffles and a block of cream cheese and downing them for lunch and hiding the empty bag and box in the bottom of the trash can so no one would know I ate the whole thing. Etc., etc., etc.

But that was all before I'd figured out why food has a hold on me like it does and recognized that I have the power over it and it doesn't have to control me any more. I'm past all that now.

So why was I sitting there in the dark, hiding my horrible eating from the world.

Remember I said there were two pastries in the container? As I was getting close to the end of the first one, I started thinking how full I was getting and how I didn't know if I could eat the 2nd one. But what would I do with it? I couldn't just throw it away. It was a perfectly good pastry. So I started eating the 2nd one, too.

I took one bite and started to cry. WHAT THE HECK WAS I DOING???!!!! I'm better than this. I'm past this! I've come too far to still sit in the dark and eat.

I threw the last piece back into the container, closed it up, then drove to the closest trash can and threw it away. I had to hide the evidence. After all, hubby had seen me down that HUGE cupcake already that night. If he saw me eating something else just as bad and huge, I'd be so embarrassed.

When I got out of my car and walked to the trash can with the other pastry (minus one bite) in the plastic container, I started thinking that everyone must know exactly what I'm doing. Why else would a grown woman get out of her car and trow away a perfectly good pastry? She must be hiding the fact that she'd already eaten the other one. I knew that everyone walking in and out of the store and in the parking lot and on the side walk just knew exactly how humiliated I was feeling.

I drove home in utter silence.

Right as I was walking into the house, my phone rang. It was hubby wondering where I'd been. I didn't have the courage to tell him I'd been hiding in the dark eating a huge cream fill pastry. So I just shrugged it off.

Now I'm afraid he's gonna read this blog post, but I still have to confess it.

Now if I could just figure out why I did it.

:(

On a slightly different subject, I tried greek yogurt for the first time today. Diane mentioned it while she was entering the Measure Up Bowls giveaway and I've been wanting to try it but couldn't find it. I found it at the grocery store and bought a "fruit on the bottom" peach flavored 6 oz tub and boy was it yummy. I think I like it more than regular yogurt. It has the consistency of sour cream but tastes just like regular yogurt. I think I'll start eating greek yogurt rather than regular yogurt from now on because the container I ate had 19 grams of protein!! How awesome is that!? Other than that, it has the exact same nutritional information as regular yogurt.

And on another slightly different note, have you guys ever heard of Shirataki Noodles? I was thinking about trying them in a pasta dish, like maybe spaghetti or fettuccine.

Don't forget to enter my Measure Up Bowls Giveaway contest. See the rules here. Contest ends Nov. 15th.

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Contest: Eating Healthy Pays Off!

Its weird how my tastes keep changing. I mean, 2 years ago, you couldn't get me close to a plate of kabobs. Now, I'm in love with them. I actually had them 3 days last week and once so far this week.

Hubby and I chop up a sweet onion, a green pepper and 10-12 ounces of top sirloin (very lean) then slip everything onto 3 skewers and plop them on the Foreman Grill for just a few minutes and voila! dinner is served.

The first time we had them, I made some brown rice to go with. I can't stand rice but it seemed like the thing to eat with meat and veggies. I added some steamed corn to the rice so I could tolerate eating it (I have a natural gag reflex to rice when I eat it, don't know why). But I was STUFFED after eating all that food. So the next night, no rice and it was perfect.

It's just funny how my tastes have changed over the course of this weight loss plan. Watermelon used to be a waste of my time—too watery. Now, it's like nectar from the gods.

So what is it that's changed my tastes? Is it that my body is getting used to the new food? Is it perhaps because my body is craving healthy food now that its actually getting some? Or is it just because I can't eat the fatty foods like I used to so I might as well be happy with what I'm allowed to eat? Who knows, but the benefits are wonderful. I feel so much better eating healthy. My body feels good and my mind feels good—like I'm making smart decisions.

So I thought I'd start a contest to find out what you guys eat that's healthy and yummy that you would have never eaten before you started your weight loss plan.

I was given a set of Measure Up bowls to give away on my blog from Heather at Measure Up Bowls. The bowls have ring indent markings on the inside if the bowls to show you where the 1/4 cup, 1/2 cup, 3/4 cup, etc. marks are. So when you're pouring your morning cereal or afternoon snack or bowl of soup, you don't have to worry if you're putting to much in the bowl, you'll just pour until you fill to your desired portion size. How genius is that!?!?

No more "guesstimating" on your portions. I was reading a blog post the other day from Jinxxxygirl and she showed a picture two bowls of cereal sitting on the counter. The one on the left was the serving size suggested on the box. The bowl on the right was the actual amount of cereal she'd been pouring into her bowl every morning. It ends up that she was eating 3 times the serving size and thought she was doing good. She thought she was a little over her servings each morning so she added another point or two but had no idea she'd actually tripled the amount she should be eating.


















It's things like this that trip us up on our weight loss efforts. We think we're doing good, but if we don't measure, we don't know. With these Measure Up bowls, you don't have to worry about getting out the scale or the measuring cups, you just pour to the line that you want and enjoy.

(By the way, if you have a sec, you should check out Heather's weight loss story on the Measure Up website, here.)

So to enter the contest, leave me a comment telling me about the healthy food you eat now that you would have never eaten before you started on your weight loss plan. You can increase your chances of winning by Tweeting about the contest. Just use the hash tag #measureupgiveaway. I'll choose one comment or tweet at random and the winner will get a set of Measure Up bowls—one "Small Bowl" and one "Classic "Bowl". The Classic has 1/2, 1, 1-1/2 and 2 cups premeasured portions on the inside of the bowl and the Small has 1/4, 1/2, and 3/4 cup premeasured portions on the inside of the bowl. Together, it's a $29.99 value. Yours for the taking.

I'll draw one winner at random on November 15th.

(Don't forget, if you want to tweet about it you have to use the #measureupgiveaway hashtag.)

If you want to follow me, my Twitter account is @mag_maker.

Good luck!

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Tuesday ramblings...

So here it is Tuesday and I still haven't made it to the gym. Hubby and I promised each other we'd go to the gym every night this week. What are we waiting for??!! Its almost like if we both don't say anything about it then we really don't have to go. It's our little secret right? Ugh!

Like a few months ago a lady at work and I decided we'd start walking in the mornings again. We both need to walk and we live only a block away from each other so it was perfect. We both walked one morning and we never brought it up again. It's like, if you don't say anything, then it's okay, right? Ugh!! Ugh!!

And I'm having the darnedest time eating 5 fruits and veggies a day. The most I can get in is two. What's up with that??

At WW last weekend, our leader posted the "quote for the week" and I loved it:

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To eat is a necessity
•••
To eat intelligent is an art.
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Boy, that's the truth isn't it? We have to eat. But how we eat what we eat is the magical part. Its where science becomes art.

Oh, I found something so amazingly yummy that I HAVE to share with you guys. Audrey, from WW, first told me about these weeks ago, but I just this week tried them. They're my new favorite thing of all times.

French Twists... I love the tag line underneath the product name "Layers of Sweet Puffed Pastry". It really should say "Layers of Sweet Heaven".

They're light and flaky and a bit crispy but in the lightest way possible. The container I got was a plastic tub (about the size of an extra large margarine tub) and each twist was about 3 inches long.

Two twists was only 60 calories, 2 grams of fat and 4 grams of sugar. But the best part is that the type of sugar that's in the ingredients is good for you sugar. Check out the ingredients: High protein wheat flour [whole grain goodness], soy oil [healthy oil], palm oil [a natural appetite suppressant] beet sugar [great for your body], cinnamon [great for your blood sugar] and salt [probably to offset the sweetness of the beet sugar]. That's it! Totally healthy for you and it sure doesn't taste like it.

I wish there was some way you could taste the picture on the screen. They are truly amazing! Here's their website if you wanna try and find where they sell them in your area. I bought mine at Publix.

Enjoy.

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