Monday, March 16, 2009

Things are looking up...

I decided to sit down and see just how much weight I've lost since my derailment last November and compare that to how much weight I've gained. The results were fascinating, encouraging and discouraging altogether.

I've lost almost 20 pounds (19.8, precisely) since the week before Thanksgiving.

However, I've gained almost 19 pounds (18.8, precisely).

So since my unintentional but purposeful sabotage, I've netted a total of 1 pound loss since the 3rd week in November. FOUR MONTHS.


I've learned so much about myself since November, though. I had no idea I was sabotaging myself, to begin with. And also, I've learned that I can lose weight and I can be successful at it and it's okay to be a success. It's okay to be proud of losing weight. It's okay to be proud of my new body.

For those of you who might not have been with me through last year, I started my "18 Pounds in 18 Weeks Challenge" last July because I was only 18 pounds away from 100 pounds lost. The closest I ever got was 2.6 pounds away from 100. Then I sabotaged myself and it took me until just recently before I realized I was doing it. I'm now 4.8 pounds away from the ominous 100 pound mark, but I am going to get there this time. I am on the downside of this losing streak—in a good way. And I am going to make it this time.

I've been consistent in my exercise. I'm actually becoming addicted to the running thing. I just can't wait to get out there and run again. I want to go right now.

I've been writing down everything I eat for about the last month or so. Consistently.

And I've been drinking my allotted water every day. Every day.

My mental attitude has changed greatly, too. I now look at food entirely differently. I used to get so mad at that fact that I was going to have to eat this way for the rest of my life and I was never going to be able to eat the things that I really wanted to eat. But now, that's not even the point. I still love food. I still consider myself an addict. But I just look at it all differently now.

I look at food for what it really is. It's nourishment. It's comfort. It's sustenance. It's pleasure. It's necessity. It's all these things. But all in all. It's just food. It's not my life. My life does not revolve around food any more. Food is a big part of my life. It should be. Without it, I'd die. But it's no longer my best friend. It's no longer my lover. It's no longer my life-long companion whom I gave precedence over everything else in my life. Food is no longer the enemy either. It won't trick me or tempt me or make me fail at being a happy, healthy, beautiful person.

I'm turning into a different person. It's a better version of the real me. And I like what I see on the horizons.



spunkysuzi said...

Now that's a great attitude!!

Carol said...

If you learned from your experience maybe it was worth it. I've "paid" 80 pounds for such lessons before! You are addressing issues that come up during the maintenance phase so that is good. You're doing fine, excellent actually. Just make sure you have a very good plan for that 100 pound celebration!!!!! If you are interested in a non-food celebration gift for yourself, I suggest a Garmin GPS. It gives you real time distance and pace in additional to other interesting data. A fun runner's toy for sure!

Mel said...

Cara - I love this post! Love the paragraph about Food... and yes, you will make it to the 100lb mark.. and yay for loving running! Look at you go!

tisha said...

Such a reflective post dealing with the good, the bad, and the in between. What you wrote about being a food addict is so very true for me as well. Thanks for being so honest and out there.

SeaShore said...

You're inspirational. I'm finding myself grappling with the self-sabotage, fear of success dilemma. Trying to show myself that success is good!

Carol's right: your experiences since November are well worth it judging by what you have learned.

Lake Mary WWLeader said...

Bravo and well said! I have had the privilege of working with you for the past year and beyond, and I have seen the changes and what they have done for you. I know that you will reach your Winning Outcome and much more. Be proud of you, because I certainly am!

Karyn said...

You wouldn't believe the huge smile I have on my face as I read this post!!!!

Sharon said...

Anytime in the past I have had a setback or self sabatoge and a detour in the wrong direction on the scale, I remind myself that by quitting I am guaranteeing I won't make my goal. YOU DIDN'T QUIT but kept at it and now as you approach your goal again, you will make it. I am looking forward to seeing you hit that 100 lb mark - what an outstanding achievement.