Tuesday, December 16, 2008

It was a sad day yesterday...

This is how deeply food is connected to my emotional soul...

Yesterday, I had a fairly rough day—emotionally. I'm not sure why. I'm not PMS'ing. I'm not going through anything horrible at work or at home. I'm not one who get's down at the holidays. So I don't really know why, but all day yesterday I wanted to cry. I was afraid. I was irritated and very short tempered. Yet nothing "happened" to cause it.

I called hubby because usually he can calm me down. Just the sound of his reassuring words makes me feel safe again. The world starts spinning again with his words.

So his words were helpful yesterday, but for some reason, they didn't do the trick.

Here's where the trouble started...

I had to walk over to Editorial to talk with one of the editors and when I was finished, I was walking out of the office when something caught the corner of my eye on one of the desks.

It was a box from Krispy Kreme.

Actually, two.

Me and Krispy Kreme go way back. KK has been my favorite donut, no, my favorite food on the planet ever since I was a kid. The taste of those tender, hot, smooth and creamy donuts is like little drops of heaven on my tongue. Their smell is so sweet, it smells like I'm breathing in heaven's air into my nostrals. My long-time love affair with Krispy Kreme has been one that I've dedicated alot of devotion and heart to. Krispy Kreme is my hero.

So as I walked by those two boxes (yes, I said walked by, I actually walked right past them), I could see the light emitting from the edges of the boxes and lighting up the whole room like rays of sunshine from the sides of a cloud just after a rain storm. And I swear I heard music. Angelic music playing low. Violins and harps playing a wonderous song—I swear!

The sound and the light disapated slightly while I walked past it and I thought to myself 'self, keep walking, you can do this, be strong'.

And I did keep walking.

Right into a lady who has been on WW before and knows exactly what I'm going through. I thought, this is perfect, she can help me past this weak moment and help me resist these tiny tidbits of heaven who were still calling to me, yes I could still hear the heavenly music playing in the distant.

So I stopped and said "can I have a Krispy Kreme?" in the most innocent voice I could muster. Of course she said yes right away. That's what you're supposed to say, right? But then she stopped and she said "wait, is that what you want me to say?". Perfect. She knew why I was standing at her desk (actually, I was kneeling like I was purposing to her, but I was actually on my knees begging—oh the shame).

We talked for a minute about how these are my favorite foods in the whole world and how I CAN NOT resist them.

We struck a deal. I promised I'd walk extra last night after dinner if I only ate one. But I could only have one and I would HAVE to walk extra.

The deal was struck, I ran back to those wonderous boxes and opened the first one—all glazed donuts. I opened the 2nd one and it had chocolate glazed and chocolate kreme filled donuts. All of which are delicious, but I'm a plain glazed gal.

I picked up a napkin and put one glazed Krispy Kreme donut on it then I cuped the napkin with that spectacular looking donut in the palm of my hands and lifted it to my nose to breath in the sweet necktar of heaven. Mmmmmmm.

I walked back to my desk, with Krispy Kreme donut cupped in my hands and layed it on my desk to just look at it for a few minutes.

About 10 minutes when by and I finally caved. I had a bite.

Oh my gosh was it the best tasting thing I've tasted in sooooooo long. The chips of sweet glaze the crumbled off onto my lips as my teeth sunk into the tender flesh of the donut. Oh, man!

I sat it back down and waited another 5 minutes before taking another bite.

This went on all afternoon. That donut lasted me about 45 minutes.

Then after the last bite, I scooped up the fallen glaze chips that were left in the napkin until every last morsel was gone.

Here's the sad part...

After that donut, I felt healed. I no longer wanted to cry. I had no more fear. I wasn't irritated any more. I felt complete.

Isn't that sad??

This is how deeply food is connected to the core of my emotional being. That something like a sweet, fatty donut could repair emotional damage like that.


I did not go back for a 2nd donut.

One had done the repair that it needed to do.

My life was back to normal.

How sad.



SeaShore said...

Excellent post. Eating for emotional reasons is at the core of a lot of us, me included. It is sad, I suppose, but it also just is.

I'm very impressed that you could stick to one doughnut and make is last for 45 minutes. That is a testament to how far you have come.


Deborah said...

This isn't called a lifestyle change if we can't eat what we really want in MODERATION. You did it in moderation. I'm proud of you. And, did you walk extra last night to walk it off? (You didn't say.)

My company Sunday brought left over fried chicken and I caved and had two wings, skin and all. One that night and one yesterday for lunch. We (fatties at heart) wouldn't be able to live without being able to have the things we love to eat if we can't learn to do it in MODERATION.

So, sometimes when our favorite food is the only thing that will do the trick to get us out of the funk we just have to remember MODERATION.

spunkysuzi said...

I have to agree with the above post, moderation!! Something i have a very hard time with and still can't do well. And i totally understand the feeling that comes from eating something that means that much to us!!
Now did you do the extra walking last night?? :)

Karyn said...

I don't think that is so sad..... food is pleasurable. God made it to look good, smell good, taste good...it appeals to our senses. He could have made food to be bland - just something to feed our bodies.

Since food is obviously intended to please us, why feel bad that it does?

The trick is, as has already been said, moderation. Not only did you limit yourself to ONE donut, you savored it instead of scarfing it down. If you had done that, you may not have been satisfied.

I say you had an NSV yesterday! One KK instead of 2 or 3....and total enjoyment of it.

Celebrate your victory, don't be so hard on yourself!

BTW: I also ask...did you walk extra?

Susan said...

Food can be a powerful drug. For me, it's ice cream and chocolate. Donuts work too, really.

I just came across your blog and really like it! Congrats on your amazing progress. I will definitely be back.

JC said...

Sugar and grease and flour what a powerful combination. Donuts (plain glazed) are my weakness. The donut is an old friend but celebrate your victory. It might not seem like it but there is a vicory here. You choose one, only one and you savored it. You made it last. It had what maybe 5 points. This doesn't spell disaster for you. I wish I knew the answer to why food has such an emotional tie for most of us. I'm extremely proud that you enjoyed just one. I don't know if I'm that strong. BTW congrats of the loss. I've gotten behind on my blog reading.

--cara said...

Being as I've used this blog as a confessional—confessing my temptations and submissions to them—I must confess honestly that I did not walk extra last night.

I DID walk and I had every intentions of walking an extra two laps. But half way the 3rd lap (I usually do 4), this helicopter kept circling our neighborhood and a cop car came around the circle twice. I had no idea what was up, but I was afraid someone was on the loose and had made their way into our neighborhood. So I high tailed it back home.

I did get up and go running this morning. And I'm considering going running tonight, too, instead of walking. So I'll let you know how that goes.

MizFit said...

really powerful post. and for me it didnt ring sad at all. in that FOR ME it was sleeveS of my fave cookies (hello oreos!) which would get me to that place.

the fact you enjoyed one donut? you embraced moderation? and RELISHED IT?

wow. pretty damn cool and healthy.

Sunny Days said...

It's the out of control feeling that I feel when faced with something like that.....how can food do such a thing to us?
You did GREAT...I'm proud of you for having something that you really wanted and then stopping at just one!!! That is something to be proud of.......it could have turned into a disaster and you could have eaten the whole box but, you didn't!! Good job!

The Devil's Dance Floor said...

I agree with an earlier poster that a lifestyle change means learning moderation. On that front- I'd say you did very well!

I am also an emotional eater. It's very hard to overcome and I am still trying to get a handle on it myself. Good luck!

-Mommy in Motion